


Knight in Silver Armor

by MaddietheMuse



Series: Knight in Silver Armor [1]
Category: Twilight Series - All Media Types, Twilight Series - Stephenie Meyer
Genre: Abandoned Work - Unfinished and Discontinued, Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Angst, Child Abuse, Explicit Language, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Past Abuse, Romance, Slow Build
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-04-08
Updated: 2016-07-19
Packaged: 2017-12-07 21:55:34
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 34
Words: 93,534
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/753519
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaddietheMuse/pseuds/MaddietheMuse
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The battle with Victoria and her newborns nearly takes the life of one of the Quileute wolves. Indebted to him for saving her life by risking his own, Bella stays in La Push to nurse him back to health, but winds up healing emotional wounds that were caused years earlier. Can the newly formed trust survive without breaking friendships apart?</p><p>
  <b>This story is UNFINISHED and is likely to remain that way.</b>
</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. A New Nightmare

**Author's Note:**

> AU - Set in a post-New Moon alternate universe where Alice never returned to Forks prompting Edward to flee to Volterra, thus the wrath of the Voulturi was never evoked. Some timeline events are true to Canon.
> 
> I have taken some liberties with the time line a little bit. The story in set in the summer after Bella graduates from High school (July 2006). The wolves started to phase in the summer of 2005 rather than Spring 2006. I've also made Paul and Jared a year older than Jacob, making them 17 at the time of the story.
> 
> Pre-reader: maLorLa / Beta: Maria Vilson
> 
> Disclaimer:The following is based on the characters, settings, and events from the Twilight series by Stephenie Meyer. All recognizable characters, settings, etc., are the property of their respective owners. The author, know by the pen name Maddie-the-Muse, is in no way associated with Stephenie Meyer, or the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise related to The Twilight series. Only aspects entirely unique and original to this story are owned by this story's author. This work is intended for entertainment purposes only. No copyright infringement is intended.

My life changed on an unusually hot Thursday night in July.

Jacob had put me back together after Edward and the rest of the Cullens had left Forks. I was devastated over the loss of a family I was never going to be a part of, and the prospect of not spending eternity with Edward. Jake never gave up on me and eventually I started to realize what a fool I had been. I was ready to give away everything, my very life, to be with someone who was essentially a 105 year old reanimated corpse.

Edward had tried to contact me at one point earlier in the Spring, but by then I had gone from being depressed over his abandonment to being disgusted in myself and my choice to throw it all away to be with him, so had I told him that I didn't want him in my life. The Cullens had stayed away and Jacob had helped me through everything. I was finally getting back to having a 'normal' life...well, as normal a life as anyone could have with a pack of gigantic, mostly naked, beautiful men - and Leah of course - who happened to be shape shifters as their only real friends.

These very shape shifters - the Quileute wolves - had been tracking Victoria and her band of newborns through the forest for weeks, only to lose her again and again. It had gotten to the point where Charlie didn't even question why I was staying over in La Push so often; it seemed that as long as he thought I was spending time with Jacob, everything was alright in his books.

With ten wolves in the pack, they were confident that they could take her and her coven of four others down; it was only a matter of time until they caught her, eliminating the threat she posed not only to the tribe, the people of Forks, and to me personally. I was the one she wanted after all. She had gotten it into her head that my life was forfeit for that of James, her mate, who had been taken out by the Cullens last year after he had attacked and bitten me in Phoenix.

It always seemed to go the same way: one of the wolves on patrol would catch her scent, or that of one of the other vampires, and would raisethe alarm. This put me, Emily, and Kim - the mates of Sam and Jared - under protection on the reservation of the youngest wolves. A chase would ensue, and she would somehow slip through their grasp.

It was a pattern that we were all growing weary of, and exactly what we had all come to expect when Embry sent up the alarm on a hot night near the end of July. We all had begun to become a bit complacent with the situation, assuming it would continue to play out the same way each time.  You know what they say about assumptions.

That fateful night, after a month of this pattern, I had decided to stay at the Black residence where I had been visiting with Jacob, rather than head over with the imprints at Sam and Emily's house. Nothing made me feel more inadequate about rejecting Jacob's advances than being around the imprints in the panic moments; the devotion the imprints had for their wolves was overwhelming. I didn't think I could ever feel that strongly for anyone after the devastation I had felt at Edward's departure. I couldn't stomach to be around them when the lives of the wolves were in danger. I wasn't Jacob's imprint. I wasn't even his girlfriend - we'd sort of tried that, mostly for his sake, but it just didn't seem right for me. He said he didn't want to risk our friendship by pushing me into a relationship - I was his best friend.

Jacob was convinced I would be safe with Billy, but had asked Sam to station Brady in the woods outside regardless. So I was shocked when Jacob burst into the house shouting to Billy and I that Victoria and the other Vampires had been taken down, but some of the wolves had been hurt.

Jacob got Billy into the passenger seat of my truck with his wheelchair in the pickup bed and told us to get over to Paul's house. He said he would meet us there after he met with the other Tribal elders, and that Sue was on her way there from the medical centre. Then he took off into the trees again.

I pulled up to the small faded green house a few minutes later, and could immediately sense the buzz of activity inside. Jared and Brady rushed out to help Billy from the truck and into the house. I sat motionless behind the wheel of my faithful Chevy, shock washing over me. Jacob had said that Victoria was taken down.

_Did I get that right?  Victoria was...gone?_

The nightmare I had been living was finally over. While I sat there hoping beyond hope I had heard Jake correctly, Jared walked back to the door of my truck and tapped on the glass, making me jump.

"Bella, come inside," he said motioning with his hand for me to follow him into the house that Paul apparently lived in alone.

I trudged in behind him, my body feeling as if it weighed a ton. As soon as I stepped foot into the small house, a new wave of fear hit me. Everyone in the room was on edge, and the smell of blood and antiseptic filled the air.

The wolves stood around in varying levels of disarray, all of them filthy from head to toe, most of them having suffered minor cuts and bruises. Screams of agony burst from an open door down the short hallway causing me to jump. I could hear Jacob and Sam talking loudly with Sue Clearwater over Paul's anguished cries.

My stomach started to tie itself in knots. I had walked out of one nightmare safely, only to walk into a new one.


	2. Battle Scars

The tension inside the Lahote house was palpable. The anguished screams coming from Paul coupled with the thick coppery smell of blood in the air was enough to make my head swim. A wave of nausea hit me hard and the room started to sway in my vision.

A firm pair of hands clapped around my shoulders from behind me and a deep voice echoed in my ear as I swayed on my feet.

"Easy there, Bella," Quil said, walking me over to a battered looking sofa in the tiny living room.

"Let's get you off your feet before you fall off them," he said with a soft chuckle. How he could still joke in an environment like this I'd never understand.

"Can someone bring Bella a glass of water?" he called over his shoulder as he sat me down and gently tucked my head between my knees.

"Breathe through your mouth, Bella; you'll be fine in a minute," he reassured me with his warm hand rubbing circles across my shoulders.

I concentrated on breathing, trying not to throw up on the worn brown carpet under my feet as the chaos in the room slowly came to a dull roar in the background. Paul's screams had died down and were replaced by occasional afflicted moans.

"Bella!" I heard Jacob call my name in surprise from across the room. He crossed to the sofa in a few strides and knelt in front of me.

"What happened to her?" he almost growled at Quil, who stood to make room for Jacob to settle next to me and take over soothing me.

"Just nauseous, I think," Quil said with a shrug. "Probably the blood, you know what she's like." He passed Jake the glass of water and went off to see if he could be of use somewhere else.

"Bells? Honey, are you okay? Do you need to get some air?" Jacob spoke softly near my ear, his warm hand on my back.

"No, I think I'll be okay now," I said slowly sitting back on the couch. Jake passed me the water and I sipped it gingerly, not wanting to upset the delicate balance my body seemed to have settled upon.

We sat quietly for a few minutes amidst the noise of the room full of boisterous men tending to their own wounds and recounting snippets of the battle.

Eventually someone started passing around sandwiches. The wolves settled themselves on the limited furniture or the floor and a quiet washed over the house. I breathed out a sigh of relief, more comfortable in this temporary calm than in the chaos of before. I sat tucked under Jacob's arm absorbing his warmth. Sue must have given Paul something to knock him out because the only sounds coming from the hallway were her instructions to Sam.

Billy broke the silence. "How many were there, Jacob?" He asked, turning his chair to face the sofa.

That's how the recounting of the story started, each of the wolves excitedly adding to the tale, the noise level in the small house steadily growing once again.

"We took down five all together," Jacob started answering his father's query. "Three of them were stronger than any we've ever encountered before, probably newborns from what Bella has told us."

"That red-haired leech bitch probably recruited them!" Jared spat

My eyes snapped to his by instinct at the mention of the vampire who'd been hunting me.

"Victoria," I whispered her name.

"Yeah, Victoria," Jared agreed with a nod.

"But she wasn't leading them; it was that other one, the big blond haired male..." Brady added.

"He looked like the guy from the missing-person posters all over town a while ago, don't you think?" Quil interjected.

Murmurs of agreement sounded from some of the others.

The story continued on, told in turn by the five wolves.

After Embry had raised the alarm, they followed the trail south, along the shore. They had been afraid they would lose them into the water again. Being the fastest wolves, Leah and Paul managed to run around the outside along the cliffs and corral them back toward the rest of the pack, and they finally had them surrounded after weeks pursuit.

A shorter dark haired male took Sam on directly with a cocky stance and quickly had his head removed for his arrogance.

The loss of their coven member riled the other vampires except the sandy haired female who seemed to take pleasure in his ending. She took to the trees as means of escape, but Embry phased and climbed after her, Quil running along in wolf form below.

"We always suspected you were part baboon, Embry! Swinging from tree to tree after leeches just confirms it!" Quil roared with laughter.

"I caught the bitch didn't I?" Embry retorted, smugly crossing his arms over his chest. I hadn't even realized that Embry had joined us in the crowded living room.

"Yeah, man, you did. And then we shredded her" Quil boasted, raising his hand to Embry for a high five.

"What happened with the other three," Billy asked getting the wolves back on track. The tension in the room had been effectively lifted by Quil and Embry's immodest account of the sandy haired vampire's demise. However, I was just as anxious as Billy to hear the rest of the story too then.

Collin asked Jacob to tell his version of how he took out the thin dark haired bloodsucker. "The one that seemed so freakishly calm the whole time," he prompted having seen the whole battle even though he had been stationed as protector to Emily and Kim - Jared's imprint - at Emily and Sam's house.

"Jared and Quil were after the redhead, and Sam turned to help Leah and Seth with the big blond guy, and that skinny stinking leech looked like he was planning to make a break for it. You're right, Collin, he was so damn calm! I waited until he was distracted by the other two pursuit paths crossing, and then I just jumped on him." Jake said with a shrug.

"He didn't factor that into his plan! You tore his head clean off with one bite!"Collin enthused, causing me to cringe at the thought of it. Jacob pulled me a little closer to his side and smoothed his hand over my shoulder.

Brady, who had been sitting quietly against the wall, spoke up. "It's a good thing Sam was there to help Seth and Leah with that big guy, or maybe Seth would be more hurt too...or worse," he swallowed thickly, looking a little pale. It was sometimes hard to believe that Brady and Collin were just thirteen years old, but looking at Brady now, the vulnerability of his young age shone through.

"How is Seth?" I asked quietly.

"He's doing fine," Embry started."He's got a few cracked ribs and his arm is broken in a couple of places. Old Quil figures with couple days of rest and he'll be good as new," he explained. "He was passed out cold when I left there. Leah said she'd stay in his room until Sue got home."

"He should wear those battle scars with pride," Quil added before continuing the story of how Seth had gotten said wounds. He and Leah had been running after the big blond guy all over the forest trying to catching him. Sam had just joined in the chase, when the blond abruptly turned and changed tactics, yet again. He was about to grab hold of Leah when Seth launched himself at the vampire, his jaws colliding hard with his granite shoulder, tearing a chunk out. Before Seth had a chance to make a second attack the vampire swung his arm round and grabbed Seth, squeezing him.

"But before that fucking leech could hurt him anymore, Seth ripped his throat out." Jared spoke through the silence that had fallen over the room at the retelling of their brother's injury.

"Language," Billy scolded him.

"Sorry Billy," he replied contrite. "It was enough to make him drop Seth, and Sam jumped on him and..." he glanced over at me before changing his wording, "ah, finished him off," he ended. I gave him an appreciative half-smile.

I found myself thinking over all the new information we had just heard, and realized that only four vampires had been accounted for.

"What about Victoria?" I asked, looking around at each of them, my eyes landing back on Jared remembering someone saying that he had been chasing her. Panic was starting to rise hot in my chest.

"It's okay, Bella. We got her," Jacob soothed me. "She's dead."

"Dead?' I asked whipping around to look at him.

"Destroyed," he assured me.

I fell quiet. Leaning forward with my elbows on my knees, falsely examining my finger nails as I tried to swallow the panic that had risen in me again.

"Who?" I whispered, looking around at them all again. None of them came forward. I stood abruptly and turned to face Jacob on the couch.

"Who?" I demanded.

"It was Paul, Bella," Sam said from the mouth of the hallway behind me. I turned to face the Alpha.

"Paul finished Victoria, before she had a chance to kill him," he said, his voice calm and soothing. His chest was bare, as the rest of the wolves were, but his was smeared with blood; Paul's blood.

Oh God, Paul's blood. 

The room had started to sway slightly again until I remembered Quil's earlier advice to breathe through my mouth.

Sue came down the hall behind him.

My head swam again with the realization that Paul had nearly lost his life fighting the vampire who was trying to kill him; the vampire who had been hunting me for months.

Paul Lahote had saved my life.


	3. Strong Coffee & Silver Linings

The living room in Paul's house seemed so much smaller filled with seven filthy and exhausted shape shifters and half of the tribal council. The pack had refused to leave while one of their brother’s lives was on the line, despite all being tired and hungry themselves after the battle.  Everyone was there except Seth, who was at home with his own much less severe injuries, and Leah; who, along with Old Quil, was looking after him.

Sue Clearwater walked into the living room behind Sam, both of them smeared with Paul's blood. She looked utterly exhausted.

"How is he, Sue?" Billy asked, turning his wheelchair to face her and the Alpha. A hush fell over the room as the small nurse held everyone's attention.

"He's resting now," she began with a sigh before continuing with a list of his multiple injuries. The left side of his chest had been crushed, breaking most of the ribs and bruising his lung - she said he was lucky it hadn't been punctured. His left shoulder had been dislocated and both the radius and ulna in in the same had been fractured along with the femur of his left leg. He had suffered deep cuts over most of his back and chest, as well as a severe gash to his left calf. She finished by explaining he also had some swelling and contusions over one side of his face.

There was no sense in casts for broken bones, or traditional dressings for the deep wounds. The wolves healed so fast, such things would only hinder the healing process, rather than help it. Sue had given him something to help with the pain but said it wouldn't be long before his body heat burned it off.

Listening to Sue describe Paul's injuries gave me chills. I couldn't fathom how someone could undergo such a brutal experience and live. Paul and I weren't close, in fact I was pretty sure he hated me, but I wouldn't wish such trauma on anyone; even with Victoria I hadn't wanted her to suffer. 

"He's going to need someone to stay with him, at least for a couple of days," Sue finished with another sigh, her shoulders slumping forward.

"I will," I said, standing up from the couch.

"Bella, you don't have to," Jacob started, standing up next to me and turning me to face him.

"One of us will stay tonight, and take it in rotation until he's well enough to be on his own," Sam joined in.

"No!" I protested, almost shouting. "I don't care if one of you stays as well, but it's my fault he's hurt, and I'm not going anywhere." I shook my head vehemently, my hands clenched at my sides in determination.

"Bells, it's not your fault," Jake said pulling me to his chest.

"It is. If Victoria hadn't been after me, he wouldn't have been hurt," I pulled away from Jacob, and turned and walked the short distance across the living room toward Sue.

"What do I need to know?" I asked her intently.

She didn't question me; she must have seen that no amount of talking was going to convince me to leave. Staying and taking care of Paul was the least I could do after putting the pack into such danger protecting me. I know they felt it was their duty, but I wasn't part of their tribe and really wasn't their responsibility. It was my link to Jacob that had them looking out for my well-being, but it was my relationship with the Cullens that had brought the danger in the first place.

Sue explained to me that there really wasn't any way of telling how fast Paul's metabolism would burn off the sedative she had given him. She showed me how much to administer and how to add it to his I.V. before she went home to her own injured son, and her daughter. Quil, Embry, Colin, Jared and Brady were excused by Sam and filed out shortly after her, leaving me alone with my best friend, his dad, and the wolf pack Alpha.

"You guys don't need to stay, really. I can handle this. He's going to be asleep for the night anyway." I insisted making eye contact with each of them in turn. "Sam you should go home to Emily, she must be worried sick." I said before heading to the kitchen to put on the kettle. If I was going to be on wolf-sitting duty all night, I was going to need something to keep me awake.

"Are you sure you'll be okay here Bella? Jacob can stay with you," he said following me and casting an enquiring look over his shoulder at Jake behind him. It was more of a courtesy - Jacob would have to stay if Sam told him to - but of course, Jacob nodded.

"No Jacob, take Billy home and get some rest. Take my truck. I will be fine. Maybe you can go to my place tomorrow and get me a change of clothes and my toothbrush though?" I asked thinking ahead. "I'll have to call Charlie too, I guess..."

"I'll call him tonight, Bella," Billy cut in from the doorway where he sat in his wheelchair, clearly anxious to head home after the draining night. 

"And I'll go into town first thing in the morning, Bells," Jake said draping his arm across my shoulders as Sam waved his goodbye and left out the front door. "You're sure you'll be ok here? Call me if you need anything at all. Okay?"

"I'm sure. Go!" I said, almost pushing him toward the door. "Goodnight, Jake...and, thanks." I replied, and tucked my keys into his hand.

"Anytime Bells." He pulled me into yet another of his famous rib-crushing hugs and placed a soft kiss on my forehead before pushing Billy out the front door. I waved goodnight to them and turned back as the kettle began to whistle on the stove.

After rummaging through Paul's cupboards, which didn't take long as they were well organized but not well stocked, I found instant coffee or hot chocolate as my options. Opting for caffeine, I armed myself with a strong cup of coffee and set out to search the small unfamiliar house for something to read. There were a few books on a shelf beside the television in the living room. I decided on T. H. White's classic  **The Once and Future King**  - at least it wasn't some horrid Sci-Fi novel - and made my way back to the bedroom to settle into the armchair next to Paul's bed.

The sight of his sleeping, broken frame brought me to a quick stop in the doorway. I hadn't really looked at him when Sue was showing me how to add more pain meds to his I.V, and the sight of him now brought the danger he had been in into reality. Staring down at his wrecked body as he lay unconscious in the bed I found it hard to see the Paul I typically saw around the Reservation. Gone were the hard looks and sneers, the cocky attitude and quick, cutting tongue. Laying there, he was wholly exposed; he was just a teenager fighting for his life.

A crisp white sheet covered him to the waist, exposing his broad chest. All of the wolves were huge by normal standards, and I had grown used to standing amongst them, but seeing Paul lying nearly naked in a standard double bed brought the shock of his size back to me.

Sue had wrapped gauze loosely around his enormous chest and shoulder, which had been soaked through in places with his blood. I had already been exposed to so much blood tonight that it didn't even faze me, when normally I would have been light headed and queasy instantly - maybe this horrendous night had a silver lining after all.

The I.V. Sue had shown me earlier hung from the post on the headboard and was secured where it entered his wrist with white tape. He had a light sheen of sweat on his brow, but the bruises and cuts that had marred his face already looked days old rather than hours.

I placed my coffee cup and book on top of the dresser next to the door and went to the bathroom down the hall to get a cool washcloth.

Returning to the dimly lit bedroom, I perched myself on the edge of the bed, trying not to cause any movement that might jostle him in his sleep. I tentatively wiped his brow once. He didn't stir or flinch at all, so I proceeded to wipe the remainder of his face carefully.

He looked better with the dried blood and dirt washed from his face. I felt my eyes sting and start to water as I looked down at him, peacefully resting.

The pack had put themselves in danger to save my life, and Paul had almost paid for it with his own. I was going to have to find some way to repay the huge debt I now owed the wolf pack, especially Paul. I had no idea how I was going to convey my gratitude to him for what he had done tonight. I had a difficult enough time being in the same room as Paul on a good day without somehow annoying him or making him angry; I dreaded to think what his reaction was going to be when he woke to find me in his house and seeing him so vulnerable.

I would just have to cross that bridge when I got to it. I would start by nursing him back to health.


	4. Swan or Nightingale

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Do I even need to bother warning about language given that it's in Paul's perspective?

** Paul's POV **   


I woke up with my head pounding and every inch of my body throbbing; I felt like I was burning from the inside out.

It was still dark out, but the lamp on the nightstand was on, casting a dim light over the room. I was in my own bed; of that much I was certain. I wasn't sure how I had gotten back to my house or how long I had been there.

There was someone in the room with me - I could hear a heartbeat and steady breathing but I couldn't see anything but the ceiling. It was someone I knew - a chick - I recognized her scent. Leah? Nope, too sweet and not a shifter, but I could smell the pack on her...who the fuck was it?

Then it hit me.

"Swan?" I blurted out, my voice coming out like a croak.

_What is the little leech-lover doing here? Who the fuck thought that would be a good idea?_

I heard her movements as she jumped quickly from the chair by the door and knelt on the floor at the left side of the bed. I still couldn't see her.

"Paul?" Her voice was unsteady and I could smell the sharp tang of anxiety coming off her in waves.

_She's fucking worried about me?_

I tried to roll my head over to look at her, but pain shot through me.

"Fuck!"

I heard her gasp before she asked, "How are you? Can I get you anything?" I could hear her fidgeting with the bed sheet next to me. If I shifted my eyes, I could just see her sitting on the floor beside the bed.

_Seriously? Who in their right fucking mind would leave Bella-fucking-Swan in my house?_

"Why are you here?" I asked her after she didn't say anything else.

_I'm in the worst pain of my fucking life and they leave her here; presumably to take care of my worthless ass. How the fuck is she supposed to be any help? She's fucking tiny!_

"I...um...I," she stuttered.

_Useless._

_My skin is on fire, and my mouth is as dry as a desert and she can't even speak?_

"Can I get some water?" I sighed. I looked at the glass on the bedside table. Maybe I could get it myself, since she clearly wouldn't be much help.

_Fuck! I must have broken every bone in my body._

She finally managed to do something useful and brought the glass of water to my mouth. I was so fucking thirsty, but it hurt even to swallow. I couldn't drink much.

When she pulled the glass away, she looked at me with this weird fucking look on her face and then wiped her thumb gently along my bottom lip, catching a drop of water.

_What the fuck?!_

"Is the pain bad? Sue left some more medicine..." she said her voice trembling a little.

"No. Whatever that shit is, it's fucking with my head. I don't want it." That must be what was making my skin burn and itch. It felt like I was on fire.

"Okay," she whispered, and just sat there again.

"I need this shit off," I said, trying to pull at the bandages I had wrapped around my chest with my right hand - the only part of my body that I could move without pain ricocheting through me. "It fuckin' itches!"

"Um, okay. Hang on," she said standing from the floor and perching on the edge of the bed. She had some scissors. Whoever patched me up must have left them there - Sue probably.

Her tiny hands were shaking as she cut the loose bandages away from my chest and shoulder. The air in the room was cool, and as soon as she lifted the gauze off my skin, the itching started to feel a little better. I tried to concentrate on that, but the rest of the bandaged areas were still too much to tolerate.

"You have to get rid of this too, and on my leg, it's making me fucking nuts." I pulled at the gauze she had left sticking out from underneath me, but it pulled at my back, making me jump. "Fuck!"

_Suck it up Lahote!_

"Wait, let me help you." She was right by my side again. Maybe she wasn't completely useless after all. She looked down at my chest for a second and then said, "Let me get your leg first."

She lifted the sheet and tucked it around my hip. I could hear her heart rate accelerate.

_What's the matter Swan, afraid you might get a peek at something exciting?_

I could feel her cutting the wrapping away from my leg, the same as she'd done to my chest. Again, the air felt like a blessing as it soothed my burning skin.

"Paul, I'm going to lift your leg. Let me know if it hurts too much, okay?" she asked looking over her shoulder at me. She looked pretty determined, despite her heart pounding away in her tiny chest.

She lifted my leg up as I fisted my hand into the sheet. I clenched my teeth as I held back from screaming in pain again. Once she had my leg back on the bed, I let out a breath I didn't know I had been holding.

_Fucking red-haired bloodsucker. If I hadn't already finished her off, I'd hunt her down and kill her again for laying me out like some helpless invalid._

Swan flipped the sheet back over me, and her heart rate levelled out a bit.

"Is your back as cut up as the front, Paul?" she asked, assessing me. "Can I pull the gauze out?"

It felt like it was pretty fucking bad. "No, help me sit up, you have to get this from under me," I said clenching my teeth. This was going to fucking smart!

How the fuck was this tiny chick supposed to help me sit up? She weighed what? 115 pounds maybe? She'd have to lever her weight somehow. If she knelt between my legs and leaned way back it might work.

"Kneel there, and give me your arm; I'll pull myself up," I directed her to the end of the bed.

Her heart rate spiked and she looked at me with her eyes wide, before moving to the spot I had indicated. She was fucking pale, even for her. It would have been hilarious, if I wasn't convinced this was going to result in more suffering on my part.

She wiped her hands on her jeans and stretched them out to me. I held on to one of her tiny hands tight, and she grabbed my wrist with the other.

"Ready?" she whispered, looking up at me with her worried eyes.

_Here goes nothing._

I pulled hard trying to right myself, but all I managed to do was pull her forward. Thank Christ she caught herself - even though she practically weighed nothing, it would have hurt to have her land on top of me. I could feel her breath on my neck as she huffed out and pushed herself upright again.

"Hang on," she bristled. She shifted her position, moving forward a little and making her stance between my knees wider.

_I guess she's not as dumb as I thought._

She took my hand again and leaned back as I pulled my weight up. Blinding pain tore through my chest and back.

"Oh fuck!" my voice echoed off the walls.

Her knees nudged forward on the mattress and dug into my thighs, causing another shot of pain through my broken leg.

"Shit!" I clenched my teeth hard and gasped for air. I couldn't breathe it hurt so badly, and my vision had gone white. I could feel my muscles trembling.

"Paul?" she squeaked, wiggling her fingers in my grasp.

"Fuck, that fuckin' hurt!"

I let go of her hand and she flexed it; her fingers had gone white from my grip. At least it didn't seem broken. It was probably bruised though.

"Sorry," I muttered. I didn't mean to hurt her. She just shook her head and stared at me like she was waiting for something to happen. I don't know what she was waiting for but it must have happened, or not happened, or whatever, because she got off the bed and came around to look at my back. She lightly pulled on the end of the gauze and I could feel it pulling at my skin underneath.

"Paul, I have to get a wash cloth and soak this off. Will you be okay for a minute?" She said with a little sigh right near my ear, her fingers resting feather-light on my good shoulder. It sent a chill down my spine.

I nodded.

It hurt to just be sitting upright, but I couldn't lay back down with that gauze still there. The skin on my chest and leg was starting to cool off now that it was uncovered, and I needed the rest of it gone too.

I don't know how long she was gone. It felt like an eternity.

I heard her come back into the room. I couldn't open my eyes, but I could hear water sloshing gently, and then I felt her cold fingers on the burning hot skin of my shoulder again.

"Your hands are freezing," I breathed. It felt fucking amazing.

"Sorry," she said and quickly pulled her hand away.

"It's okay." I missed the cool touch instantly. "It feels good actually. I feel like I'm burning up. Even more than usual," I huffed. The movement made my shoulder throb again.

"I can get you a cool cloth after I clean this up," she said. She applied a wet cloth to the bandages on my back to soak away the crusted on blood, and gently pulled them loose. After she had wiped my back down with more cool water, she spread a towel out on the bed and sighed heavily.

She walked around to the other side of the bed with a strangely determined look on her face. Her pulse had dropped down to a normal level while she cleaned up my back, but it spiked again as she looked at me. She put one knee on the bed and her arm around my good shoulder, bracing my weight by wedging herself under my arm. Her breathing sputtered, and her anxiety flooded my nostrils.

"Ready?" she squeaked.

I held my breath, steeling myself for another dose of pain.

Through some miracle, she managed to support my weight, rather than dropping me to the mattress as I had anticipated.

She quickly pulled her arm out from around my shoulder and backed up against the far wall. Her whole face looked like it was on fire she blushed so bright.

"Relax, Swan! It's not like I could actually do anything to you right now, even if I wanted to." I rolled my eyes at her embarrassment, and clenched my teeth, waiting for the pain to ebb into a dull ache.

I heard her swallow thickly. I watched her as she busied herself picking up the soiled bandages and washcloths. Her lips were parted like she was breathing through her mouth. She picked up the bowl of water and said she'd be right back, without looking at me at all.

_Poor little girlie. Lord help her, if she ever finds herself in a room alone with a naked man who isn't flat on his broken ass!_

I closed my eyes and concentrated on the cool air on my skin soothing the itching left from the gauze. The burning from the medication Sue had doped me up with was starting to wear off, too. I felt completely wrung out. I felt myself drifting back to sleep.

* * *

 

She brushed my hair away from my face, with her cold fingers. It made my breath catch in my chest. It had been so long since anyone had touched me like that...I actually couldn't remember when anyone ever had. Then she pulled her hand away and placed a cold towel on my forehead.

 

_Fuck that feels good._

_Thank God, or the spirits, or who-the-fuck-ever, she was here. I don't think I could have managed to get back to sleep with those fucking bandages on. I don't know why she's being so nice to me, and I honestly don't give a rat's ass. She's here and as much as I hate to admit it, I couldn't do this without help, so that's all that really matters._

_Why is she still looking at me? I probably look like some sort of Frankenstein's monster or some shit._

"It's rude to stare, Swan," I said. Even my voice hurt, if that's possible.

"Sorry," she blurted out, but I could still feel her looking at me.

_Why does she always say she's sorry for every damn thing?_

"You apologise too much," I told her. I didn't mean to, it just sort of fell from my mouth.

"Sor - oh..."

_Are you fucking kidding me? Did she seriously just apologise for apologising too much? Shit, this girl is a bigger head case than I am!_

I stopped myself from laughing in her face, and just looked at her. I did not understand this girl. She wasn't like anyone I had ever met before in my life. How had she been spending so much time on the Rez for the last few months and I still knew almost nothing about her?

She totally fell apart under scrutiny though and started fidgeting again.

_Always with the fucking fidgeting! Why can't she just sit still?_

"Can I get you anything? Are you sure you don't want the pain medication Sue left?" she asked, probably trying to get me to stop looking at her.

Fuck that! I didn't want any more of that shit. "No," I simply said, not even having the energy to complain about it anymore.

_This girl is fascinating. I don't think she knows a fucking thing about herself.  
             That fucking leech must have done a real number on her, and Black says it barely laid a cold dead finger on her. He really must be dead..._

"I thought you said it was rude to stare?" she said.

_There's that smart mouth of hers; I wondered when it was going to make an appearance._

"I'm not really known for my good manners, am I Swan?" I snarled at her.

_Fuck, why does she always turn me into some sarcastic asshole? She's being nice to me; the least I could do is NOT be a dick._

She eyed the chair, but didn't move from her spot on the bed. I still didn't understand what her motives were for even being here. What was she hoping to get out of this? I knew she fucking hated me; it just didn't make sense for her to do this.

She was about to get up when I finally just decided to ask her.

"Why are you doing this, Bella?" She just turned and fucking stared at me some more. I didn't think she was going to answer me at all, but then her eyes got all teary and she started talking.

"You were nearly killed protecting me," she started, her voice barely above a whisper. "I know this doesn't make up for that, or change anything, but..." she wasn't making any fucking sense at all, and to top it all off, she started crying.

_Great! I don't know what to do when a chick cries. It's not like I've ever had anyone comfort me when I'm fucking upset. What the hell am I supposed to do now?_

"Fuck, don't cry, girlie," I tried, my voice sounding way harsher than I meant it to.

_So much for that.  
            Shit! I'm probably supposed to let her cry on my shoulder or some shit, but I can't fucking move! Well, I have to do something, she's a mess. Just fucking touch her somehow, I guess._

I reached over and rubbed her knee; the only thing I could reach. Even that just about fucking killed me.

She stood up in a flash, wiping at her face like a crazy person, and threw herself back in the chair.

"You should try to get some more sleep," she said with a sniffle. The whole situation was completely fucking ridiculous.

She still hadn't answered my question.

"Why  _are_  you crying?" I asked her again, frustrated at having to repeat myself.

"I don't even know," she whimpered. She sounded like a little kid. "I'm just so overwhelmed by everything. The whole pack put their lives in danger for me, fighting a crazy vampire hell-bent on hunting me down and killing me because she lost her...I don't know, her boyfriend? Her lover? What? Her mate?! I've been scared for so long. I seems like every time I turn around there's some new threat to my life; someone else who wants me dead. It's been like that since I moved back here practically... and tonight it's finally over. Tonight you... You were nearly killed tonight, Paul! Because of me! I wouldn't be able to live with myself if you didn't make it." I think it was more words than I'd heard her say to me at one time than ever before, and it was overpowering.

_So she was here out of guilt; because she felt sorry for me?_

_I don't need her fucking pity!_

"I didn't know you cared, Swan," I spat at her.

"You killed the vampire who was out to kill me, and nearly died doing it. This really is the least I can do," she snapped back at me.

_Fuck! Now she's pissed off at me?_

"Go to sleep, Paul." she huffed and turned the lamp off leaving the room dark.

_She thought I was some sort of fucking hero or something for doing my fucking job? This is what I was born to do, how dare she think I did this for her? I killed that fucking leech so there was one fewer in the world. End of fucking story!_

_Yes, the leech was after her, but I would have taken that thing out regardless of who it was after...wouldn't I?_

_She's important to Black, and because of that she's important to the whole pack..._

_Is it more than that?_

_Do I fucking care if Bella Swan lives or dies?_

_I can't think of any reason for her to be dead, and I sure as fuck didn't want that corpse Cullen getting his fangs into her..._

_She's here to take care of my broken ass and I fucking snap at her like some piece of shit._  
             Nice work, Lahote!   
             I should be fucking grateful she cares enough about some piece of shit like me; to stay in the first place.   
            Nobody else ever has...

_Fuck! I should apologise or something... Thank her, maybe?_

"Thanks for staying with me, Bella." It fell out of my mouth before I even registered I was thinking about it.

_She's asleep..._

_I'll have to try to be nicer to her tomorrow..._

_If she's still here._


	5. Breakfast and Discoveries

** Paul's POV **

It was morning when I woke up again. I could tell before I even opened my eyes - the sunlight making my eyelids glow bright orange.

Every inch of my body fucking hurt! I had been in some pretty bad brawls before, but nothing that even came close to this; not even when...

_No! We're not going there..._

Taking a mental inventory of the pain, I finally raised my right hand to my face and rubbed the sleep from my eyes. That arm was the only thing I could move without wanting to scream bloody murder. Flashes of the previous night ran through my head, as I tried to think about anything but the fucking pain.

_...running after that stinking red-haired leech...._

_...the sound of my bones breaking against the rock as she tossed me over the cliff..._

_...finding enough energy to get back up and rip out her fucking throat..._

I could still taste her sickly-sweet, rotting flesh in my mouth; it made my stomach turn. The pain came back to the forefront of my thoughts.

_... the drugs Sue pumped into me; how I could feel them burning through my veins, making my skin itch and flame..._

_...waking up in the dark, feeling like I was on fire..._

I reached my arm up remembering the I.V. there, and pulled it from my wrist.

_...and that little leech lover, Swan being here? What the fuck was that about?_

Knowing what I would find, I turned my head to find her curled up in the chair next to the door, sound asleep.

_Why was she here? Hadn't she caused enough trouble already? How could one chick cause so much trouble anyway? I mean look at her, she's just a tiny little thing!_

I watched her sleep for a while; I had no real idea how long. After a while, I thought about trying to get up - I had to take a leak - but I was pretty sure I wasn't going to make it to the can on my own.

_Fuck, I'm going to have to ask her to help me. This should go over well; she'll probably break her neck trying to get over here in a hurry. She's like a spastic squirrel or something..._

I looked over at her in the chair again, and it hit me. I finally got why Black was so hung up on this girl; she was pretty fucking hot. I'd never seen it before because when she was awake she was usually running her smart mouth about some damn thing or another, but quiet like this I could see it. She had a great little body on her for sure, and damn if Black wasn't right, she did smell fucking amazing; sweet, like strawberries, and something warm and comforting, like...

_Get a grip Lahote! You're analyzing the way some chick smells now?! Shit, I must be worse off than I thought._

"Hey!" I said to wake her up. Enough of this sitting around thinking about shit; I had to move before I went crazy.

** Bella's POV **

"Hey!"

I woke with a start to the sound of Paul's voice for the second time in what seemed like only a few short hours. I opened my eyes to warm sunlight filtering through the parted curtains of the window. It was early, but it seemed like it was going to be another hot day.

"What is it?" I asked turning to look at Paul. He looked remarkably better in the light of day; bruises and cuts still covered most of the skin I could see, but he still looked better.

"We've got a situation here, Swan," he said with a smirk. Clearly, his less than charming personality had been restored over night. He had propped himself on the elbow of his good arm.

I quirked a questioning eyebrow at him.

"I've got to take a piss, and I seriously doubt you're going to want to help me with that here," he stopped to smirk at me some more, evidently amused with himself. "So, I'm going to need some shorts, and some help getting out of this bed," he stated, like he was reporting the weather.

"O-okay," I stammered, getting up out of the chair. "Shorts?" I asked, indicating the dresser.

"Second drawer."

I pulled open the drawer, finding nothing but underwear inside.

_Right, boxer shorts, of course_.

I felt my cheeks flame red. I heard a chuckle behind me; Paul was obviously getting a kick out of my discomfort. I grabbed the first pair off the neatly folded stack in the drawer and taking a steeling breath, turned to walk over to the bed.

"I think I can manage," he said taking the boxers from me. "Unless of course you want to help?" he said, raising a suggestive eyebrow and giving me a lascivious sneer.

"Call me when you're decent." I rolled my eyes at him and turned in a huff and left.

I slammed into a wall as I rounded the corner from the hall to the kitchen. It felt like a wall, but in actuality, it was Jacob's broad chest. He reached out and caught me before I fell backwards onto my butt.     

"Easy, Bells!" He said gripping my shoulders to steady me. A slight smile danced across his face, as it always did, in amusement over my clumsy tendencies.

"Everything ok?" he asked, taking in my flushed cheeks and annoyed appearance.

"Go help him!" I blustered, breaking free of Jacob's grip and walking past him into the kitchen to put the kettle on. If the first five minutes I'd been awake so far today were any indication of how the rest of the day was going to go, I was going to need coffee - strong coffee.

When I heard the guys make their way to the bathroom, I slipped down the hall to strip the bloody sheets from the bed, stopping at the hall closet to get a new set. Thankfully, Paul seemed to keep his house orderly and clean, which had already made my nursing duties easier than I had anticipated.

Jacob helped me re-make the bed while he waited for Paul to finish his business.

"I went to your place before I came over. Your bag is by the back door," he said, folding his side of the top sheet back ready to help Paul back in.

"Thanks. What did Billy say to Charlie about me staying down here?" I asked. I knew it would take some convincing to dissuade my dad from snooping into why his teenage daughter was playing nurse to the man-whore of La Push. If anyone were up to that task, it was Billy Black. Billy and Charlie had been friends so long they were practically brothers, and Charlie trusted Billy to keep me safe while on the Reservation.

"I don't really know(*), but he didn't seem surprised to see me this morning. He made me promise to tell you to call him at the station later. He had some rather colourful words to describe Paul and said something about not wanting his deputies to have to arrest him for shooting some punk kid, "Jacob said with a chuckle, making air quotes with his fingers as he said 'punk kid'. That sounded like Charlie.

"I'll call him in a while to put his mind at ease," I agreed, scooping up the blood-stained sheets off the floor and heading back to the kitchen.

It seemed wasteful just to throw the stained sheets away. Having had plenty of experience with bloodstains throughout my clumsy life, I knew they were going to need some soaking time or they would never be clean again. Thankfully, dried blood didn't seem to have the same nauseating effect on my delicate stomach as fresh blood does.

I tossed the sheets into the washing machine and turned the cold water on. I found some white vinegar in the cupboard and poured the remaining amount of the gallon container into the water, leaving the lid open to let the sheets soak for a while. I'd ask Jake to pick up some more vinegar and some baking soda before he came over next.

I headed back to the kitchen to look for something to make for breakfast. I found a carton of eggs in the fridge that was nearly full, along with some potatoes, onion and peppers, and a small block of cheddar cheese. There was a loaf of bread on the counter. I got to work peeling and chopping the potatoes for hash browns.

I could hear Jacob and Paul talking loudly down the hall, but wasn't able to make out everything they were saying. It was clear once I heard Jacob say my name that they were talking about me, and that Paul was less than pleased with my being here. I had predicted as much, but hearing it still didn't make the situation any more comfortable.

"You can tell her that yourself, Paul," Jacob said, his voice getting closer. A moment later, his huge frame was standing in the doorway of the kitchen.

"He's not happy that I'm here, is he?" I asked in a small voice, not looking up from my task of chopping vegetables.

"Yeah, you could say that," Jake replied with a sigh. "You really don't have to stay, Bells. He's going to be an asshole about it, and you don't need to put up with that." I turned to face Jacob in the doorway. He was rubbing the back of his neck, a stress-relieving habit he had that I had seen him use on more than one occasion. "I can call Sam and tell him I'll stay with Paul, and..."

"No, Jake," I interrupted him. "I appreciate the offer, really, I do. This is just something I  _need_  to do." I said turning back to making breakfast.

He walked across the kitchen to stand behind me and placed his huge, hot hand on my shoulder. "Bella?" he started, pulling on my shoulder to make me face him again.

"Please, I can't really explain it, Jake. I just have to stay, okay?" I said as my eyes started to sting and well up with tears that weren't caused by the onions I was chopping.

How was I supposed to make him understand the guilt I felt over Paul's injuries? If I tried to explain that, he would just say that the wolves were built to take vampires out and that I was being silly. I didn't want to get into that debate, so I hoped Jake would just take me at my word and drop it.

"Okay Bells, but the rest of us are going to check in on you," He said pulling me to his chest for a hug, "and you have to promise to call me if you need anything," he sighed.

"I promise," I said pulling away.

"Now, are you staying for breakfast?" I turned the stove and started on the omelets.

"As if I would turn down your cooking, Bells," Jake laughed, and sat down, making the regular wooden kitchen table and chairs seem miniature compared to his hulking mass.

"Good, then you can bring Paul his breakfast when it's ready," I said, apparently not entirely convinced that I could face a grouchy Paul yet this morning.

* * *

 

When the omelets and hash browns were ready, I sent Jacob into Paul's room with two plates heaped with food, leaving a much smaller portion in the pan for myself to eat later. I followed a minute later with enough toast to feed an army and two large glasses of milk.

Jacob had Paul propped against the headboard with his plate in his lap by the time I got there, and was sitting in the armchair I had slept in himself. I handed Jake one of the glasses and held the plate of toast out to him in offering, putting the remaining toast and milk on the bedside table on Paul's right so he could reach it with his uninjured arm.

"Swan," Paul muttered around a mouthful and nodded his head in my direction without looking up at me.

"Lahote," I huffed, throwing his continual use of my surname back at him.

_I guess we're back to our 'normal' protocol of ignoring each other this morning._

I turned on my heel to leave.

"I'm going to get cleaned up while you're still here," I said to Jake on my way out of the small bedroom.

* * *

 

Paul's bathroom was small, but like the rest of his house, kept clean and orderly. The fixtures and finishes were dated, but clean despite their wear. I had easily found clean washcloths and towels in the linen closet last night, and got myself a clean towel there again so I could take a shower.

The water was hot, and the pressure decent and I allowed myself a few minutes calm as the water poured over my head and soothed me. I hadn't realized I was carrying so much tension in my neck and shoulders until I relaxed under the heat. I washed my hair with the unscented shampoo I found in the shower. There wasn't any conditioner so I hoped I would be able to find a hair elastic in my bag to tie my hair back with later, as it was going to be completely unruly. After lathering with the plain white soap, I let the water pour over me another few minutes before turning the shower off and getting out.

I could hear Jacob and Paul talking in the bedroom down the short hallway and knew I had a bit more time to myself.

I dressed in one of the changes of clothes Jacob had brought me, and was thankful, but a little embarrassed, that there was a fresh bra and panties for me as well. I hoped, knowing it was in vain, that it had been Charlie and not Jacob that packed my bag, although either of them would be just as uncomfortable as me, about having to root through my underwear drawer.

I found a brush at the bottom of my bag, and thankfully, there was a hair tie wrapped around the handle. I gingerly brushed the tangles out of my long brown hair and pulled it back into braid that trailed down my back. I would normally blow-dry it first; but, with the recent heat wave we'd been experiencing, the wet hair on my neck would be cooling.

My toothbrush was also in my backpack, but no toothpaste. Scanning the bare counter it was easy to see there wasn't a tube there, so I opened the medicine cabinet behind the mirror in search of some toothpaste I could use. The cabinet was as neat as any other I had opened in my explorations of Paul's house. There were very few items on the glass shelves: a single yellow toothbrush, a tube of Crest peppermint toothpaste neatly rolled from the bottom, a spool of dental floss, one razor, and one stick of unscented antiperspirant. It was clear there was only one person living in the house. I reached for the toothpaste and applied some to my brush before quietly shutting the glass door again.

As I brushed my teeth, I wondered where Paul's parents were. I'd never heard anyone say anything about them before. It seemed strange to me that a 17 year old would be left to live alone.

* * *

 

"Sam just called," Jacob stated, meeting me in the hallway as I exited the small bathroom. "I've got to go over to his place for a pack meeting."

I dropped my bag on the sofa in the living room and took the dishes from breakfast piled in Jake's hands, making my way to the kitchen with him on my heels.

"Do you need me to bring anything by after the meeting?" he asked.

"Can you go by the store and pick up a few things?" I asked, remembering the vinegar and baking soda. I made a short list adding a few grocery items we'd probably need, and gave it to him with some money from my purse I'd left on the kitchen table the night before.

After Jacob left out the back door, I walked back down the hall to Paul's room. I stopped in the doorway, as I had last night and looked him over. The change was remarkable for such a short time having passed.

"Hey," he said looking up at me, his demeanor much less hostile toward me than it had been earlier.

Jacob had left him lying with a couple of pillows under his head and shoulders, slightly propping him up. The swelling on his face had started to recede and the scratches there were healing quicker than the deeper ones on his chest and shoulder. He had the sheet draped over his lower half but I could see the waistband of his boxers peeking out over it - at least he wasn't completely naked anymore. I could feel my cheeks start to flush at the thought.

"Hey," I replied and leaned into the door frame with my hip. "Can I bring you anything?"

"No," he said rubbing his right hand over his face. "I think I'm going to crash again."

"Okay," I answered. I didn't turn to leave; the conversation didn't feel finished somehow.

He looked up at me standing in the doorway again, an unreadable expression on his striking face.

"Will you still be here when I wake up?" he asked after staring at me a long moment. I couldn't tell by the way he asked if he did or didn't want me to stay.

"Yeah, I'll be out here," I nodded indicating the living room by pointing my thumb over my shoulder, "just call me if you need anything."

"'kay," he nodded and rested his head back on the pillow, throwing his right arm over his eyes.

I had been expecting another fight, that exchange was almost civil.

* * *

 

After eating my own breakfast and finishing my coffee, I washed the dishes from breakfast and returned the kitchen to the neat order I had found it in. It pleased me that Paul took pride in his house, knowing now that it could only be him that kept it that way.

I turned the washing machine on, adding some bleach to the cold water. I knew the sheets would probably need more attention to get the blood out completely, but it seemed I was going to have some time on my hands over the next couple of days.

After I had finished the limited cleaning the tidy home afforded me, I poked my head in to check on Paul. He was still asleep, so I settled myself in the living room with the book Jacob had grabbed from beside my bed at home.

I had been comfortably curled up on the worn sofa for over an hour, when I head Paul stir in the next room. I unfolded myself from the corner of the couch; just finishing the paragraph I was on, when he started yelling. I tossed the book onto the couch and dashed down the hall.


	6. Day Terrors

** Bella's POV **

I ran down the hall at the sound of the distressed shouts coming from the bedroom.

Paul was curled up in the middle of the too small bed facing the wall with his injured arm cradled to his chest, the sheet clutched in his hands. He was shouting incoherently in a panicked, booming voice. He was still asleep, having a nightmare.

I'd had more than my fair share of nightmares between Edward leaving and Victoria stalking me, and knew the sheer terror they could leave in their wake.

I quickly walked to the far side of the bed and sat next to his huddled form. I hesitated briefly before reaching out to touch him, having been warned on more than one occasion of the dangers an angry wolf posed; but, I decided the comfort I felt being woken from a bad dream and could potentially bring Paul, outweighed that danger.

I gently laid my hand on his temple and swept his tousled hair back from his face. His skin was coated in a thin layer of perspiration. I repeated the motion, continuing my hand down to his shoulder, gently curling my fingers around his bicep, not wanting to grab him too tight, as that shoulder had been dislocated only yesterday.

"Paul!" I said his name, lightly shaking him.

I returned my hand to his face and swept his hair back again.

"Paul, you're having a dream. Wake up!"

He stilled and relaxed his grip on the bed sheet. His body still trembled and a whimpering sound escaped his parted lips.

I continued to smooth his hair and gently rock his shoulder while saying his name calmly. I didn't want to shock him out of the nightmare, keeping the thought of an out of control wolf in the back of my mind. Eventually his body relaxed further and his breathing became more even.

"Paul?" I asked, bringing my hand back to his face. "It's just a dream," I soothed.

His eyes fluttered open and he looked up at me with a mixture of terror and confusion.

"Bella?" he choked out, his voice constricted in his chest.

"Hey, you were having a dream," I whispered to him reassuringly. I stroked his hair a few more times before I realized the intimacy of the gesture. I pulled my hand away and rested it in my lap.

"Fuck!" he said as a loud sob escaped him, shocking me. He rolled further into the mattress, his face crumpling in agony as he curled further around himself toward the edge of the bed where I sat. I laid my hand on his shoulder trying to comfort him; I wasn't sure if physical or emotional pain drew the cries from him.

"Paul? What is it?" I asked quietly.

His cries stopped as abruptly as they had started. He rolled onto his back turning away from me and raised his hand to his face.

"It was so real," he breathed behind his palm. "It was all happening again."

"What was?" I asked.

His breathing calmed a little as he stayed quiet for a long time. I waited for him to speak again, but he didn't.

I got up from the bed, pausing to look down at him. With his hand resting over his face, he could have been asleep, but I could tell he wasn't.

"I'll be right back," I said and left the room.

Once in the hallway, I rubbed my hands over my face and took a deep breath. I had never experienced nightmares as powerful as that from an outsider's perspective. I had a sudden need to hug Charlie and thank him for being so compassionate with me, the many nights I'd woke him up with my screams.

I went to the kitchen and poured a cool glass of water from the sink, returning quickly to the bedroom.

Paul hadn't moved.

"I brought you some water," I said, placing my hand gently on his elbow.

He pushed himself up a little and I tucked the pillows behind him. Once he was settled, I passed him the glass. He took a long drink, emptying half the glass in one swallow. He lowered the glass to his lap and clutched it with both hands, staring into it thoughtfully.

Then he just started talking. I sat there dumbfounded; unable to speak, or even move, I just listened.

"I was back in the woods chasing that fucking fire-haired leech," he spat, starting the story of his dream. "It was exactly the same; Jared and Quil ran her right toward me, right to where I was waiting for her yesterday. I lunged for her and she fucking dodged me. Then Quil circled her back again, I managed to grab onto her leg and tear a chunk out, slowing her down for the third pass. She slammed me into a tree. I could hear the bone in my back leg shatter, just the fucking same as yesterday..." he paused to take another drink of his water.

"But then it changed. There wasn't anyone else there anymore. Everyone else just vanished. It was just me and that fucking bloodsucker. I managed to hold off her attacks for a while, but I couldn't get in any of my own. Somehow, out of nowhere, she got a hold of my shoulder and threw me off the cliff to the rocks below. I was able to grab her and drag her down with me, tearing her arm off at the shoulder with the impact of landing. She jumped on my back again, crushing me further into the rocks. I could feel my bones crushing under her as she stomped on my ribs. Somehow, I threw her off me into the cliff wall. I lunged at her with the last strength I had, and ripped into her neck."

I shuddered at the thought of Paul tearing Victoria's throat out.

"But when I looked at her, it wasn't that leech, it was my m..." his eye darted to mine, wide with panic." It was someone else," he said, his voice breaking, changing his original thought after realizing he was talking to me. "I ripped her head off, and shredded her body before I lost consciousness," he finished.

_Who had Paul seen in Victoria's place in his dream?  
          Who had him so distraught when he woke up from the dream?_

Paul startled me by reaching quickly across his body to grab my hand that still rested beside me on the bed. He clutched my fingers tightly and held my hand to his chest. I felt like I should hug him or offer him comfort somehow, but was reluctant to; not only because he was injured but I didn't know how he would react to such a familiar gesture.

He searched my face with scared wide eyes. His body was rigid with tension, his shoulders curled forward protectively. I could see his pulse pounding in his neck, his throat moving as he swallowed his fear down convulsively.

"What is it Paul?" I breathed, knowing that my face betrayed the fear I had felt hearing Paul re-tell the story of Victoria's demise.

"She's fucking, gone," he insisted. "I fucking ended her." He nodded at me looking for reassurance.

"Yes," I nodded back to him. "She's gone."

I didn't know if we were talking about Victoria or the mysterious woman who had replaced her in Paul's dream. Whoever it was he was asking after, he seemed reassured by my confirmation that she was no longer a threat.

He sighed loudly and the tension released from his body; his shoulders relaxing back down to the bed. He closed his eyes, and his breathing leveled out gradually, like he was concentrating on it. His grip loosened on my fingers and I slowly drew my hand back to rest in my lap.

We sat in the quiet room, neither of us moving or saying anything for a long time. Eventually I turned to take the now empty glass he still held in his lap. His grip tightened around the glass and his eyes shot open to look at me, panic written in his features.

"Are you leaving?" he gasped.

The fear of being alone after a night terror was one I was all too familiar with, but it surprised me that Paul would expose such a vulnerable side of himself to me.

"N-not if you don't want me to," I said hesitantly. The Paul I thought I knew would never have admitted to wanting me to stay.

"I was just going to get you some more water," I said reaching for the glass again, which he released. "I'll come right back," I reassured him with a half-smile.

I retreated to the kitchen. Taking a moment to let the water run cool, I ran through Paul's recounting of his dream.

I wondered what he had found so terrifying: the reliving of his horrific experience the day before, or that Victoria had turned into someone else - someone he knew. Had he been about to say she turned into his mother? That idea sent a chill down my spine.

I gave my head a clearing shake and filled the glass. Heading back to the bedroom, I thought to grab my discarded book from the living room, determined to stay with Paul especially if he went back to sleep.

Once back in the bedroom, I passed Paul the water, which he just held as he had the empty glass before. I placed my book on the side table and pulled the armchair from the doorway to position it closer to the side of the bed.

I turned to find Paul's face turned toward me, watching me with a blank expression. He was pale and a sheen of sweat still covered his brow. He looked drained. I took the untouched glass from him and placed it on the table.

"I'll wake you up if you start dreaming again," I said sitting down in the newly placed chair. "You should rest," I told him with a nod.

He closed his eyes without turning his head from my direction. I don't think he actually slept anymore that morning, but he rested that way for hours.

I sat as his protector the entire time, ready to keep his demons at bay if I could.


	7. Visiting Hours

** Bella's POV **

Sue stopped by in the afternoon to check on Paul. Her training as a nurse didn't really qualify her to treat the injuries Paul had sustained; but, the tribal council, which Sue was now a member of since her husband Harry's passing, had deemed the secret of the wolves to be too important to even allow the doctors from the Reservation medical centre be privy to it. Her training as a nurse and her first-hand knowledge of the wolves, gained through both her son and daughter being members of the pack, made her the wolf medical expert of La Push. She made detailed notes to give to Billy, to include in the tribal records. She knew it would be beneficial for future generations to have information on how the wolves healed.

I went to wait in the kitchen after seeing if either of them needed anything. The brief exchange I witnessed between Paul and Sue struck me as strange. Paul's reactions to her presence and the way he addressed her questions were like nothing I had ever seen in him before. He seemed quiet and almost timid around Sue and spoke to her using formal respectful terms; going as far as to call her ma'am. I had known Sue Clearwater most of my life, and had spent more time with her in the last few months since she and Charlie were unofficially seeing each other, and I had never witnessed anyone call her ma'am before. It bewildered me. I busied myself with making some lunch to pass the time.

After roughly twenty minutes with Paul, Sue met me in the kitchen.

"Well, his healing seems to be progressing nicely. He's lucky to have you here taking such good care of him Bella," Sue said with a smile, reaching her hand out to touch me on the shoulder in a friendly, motherly gesture.

I smiled back and returned my focus to making sandwiches. "Thanks, but it's really nothing," I said trying to brush the compliment aside by distracting her. "How is Seth?"

"Oh, you know Seth; not much can keep that kid down. He got out of bed this morning like his arm didn't bother him at all and went to play video games. Brady and Colin are there keeping him company. Having a living room full of teenage wolves shouting at the TV made a good excuse to come over here to check in on Paul," she said with a laugh.

I laughed with her at the thought, and was thankful that things were relatively quiet around Paul's house.

"Will you stay for lunch?" I asked her, reaching up into the cupboard for plates to put the sandwiches on.

"No, thank you, Bella. I'm going over to see Billy now, with these notes, and then I'm headed into town to see your dad," she said giving me a coy look and the smile that always donned her face when she spoke of Charlie. "You're doing a very nice thing by staying here with Paul, Bella. Be sure to call any of us if you need anything, okay?"

"I will, Sue." I walked her to the front door and asked her to let Charlie know I was fine.

Gathering the plate with three sandwiches and a glass of water, I made my way to the bedroom, still pondering Paul's reaction to Sue.

I stopped in the doorway upon entering the bedroom and assessed him, a now familiar habit it seemed. He was sitting up with a couple of pillows between his back and the bars of the headboard. Sue is even smaller than I am, so I knew that he had manoeuvred himself into that position. The gash over his left eye was nearly nothing more than an angry pink mark on his skin. The bruising was almost gone as well. He looked tired but his colour was better; his skin back to the golden tan it naturally was rather than the sallow ashen grey it had been.

"Ready for lunch?" I asked, holding the plate and glass aloft in offering.

"Sure, I could eat," he said with a hint of a sarcastic smirk on his face.

_When couldn't the wolves eat?_

After a pause, almost as an afterthought he added, "You're not eating?"

"I am." I nodded as I placed the glass on the night stand and passed him his plate. "Mine is in the kitchen."

"Oh," he replied. He sounded almost disappointed.

"I thought you might be sick of having people in your space," I said in explanation.

He shrugged, noncommittally. I noticed that the movement didn't make him flinch in pain and marvelled, yet again, at his incredible healing speed.

I didn't say anything more. Instead I went to the kitchen, picked up my own plate and glass and brought it to the bedroom to eat. If he didn't want me in there, I was sure he wouldn't have a problem letting me know, but he had seemed disappointed when he thought I was leaving him to eat alone.

I was continually shocked by the vulnerability that Paul was gradually letting slip around me. We barely interacted on a regular basis before yesterday, and when we did it usually resulted in some sort of sparring match. We got under each others' nerves on a regular basis normally, but he seemed to be letting his walls down gradually around me. I wasn't going to make waves by pushing him though. The simple gesture of his asking after my lunch when I only had one plate told me that my presence wasn't as much of a bother to him as I had anticipated it would be; perhaps with time we might actually be comfortable around one another. I wasn't about to hold my breath on that one though.

I sat in the arm chair next to the bed and ate my sandwich. Even with three sandwiches to my one, Paul was finished long before I was. Neither of us said anything, leaving me alone to think.

Paul's reaction to Sue was still playing on my mind. I couldn't understand why he acted the way he did with her; his responses almost timid. As part of the Tribal Council, Sue was an authority figure, not only for the tribe, but to the wolves especially. That didn't explain it though. I had seen Paul and Billy interact before; Billy did not garner the same meek reaction out of Paul. Maybe I would ask Jacob about it.

My thoughts were interrupted by the sound of someone coming in the front door. It knew it would be a pack member; they were the only ones that didn't seem to feel the need to knock. I gathered Paul's dishes and headed out to see who was there.

"Hey Bella! How's the patient?" A face-splitting grin spread over Quil's mouth, upon seeing me come down the hall.

"Hi Quil," I said giving him a smile. "Go see for yourself," I said, turning into the kitchen.

"I've only got a few minutes. Sam has us all on clean-up duty this afternoon. Have to make sure the fires got everything before a forest ranger happens upon anything," he said following me. "I wanted to drop these off before I headed off. These are the finest Werewolf films from my collection," he said with another ridiculously large smile, passing me a stack of DVDs. "I thought you two might need something to entertain you while Paul convalesces. Watch this one first," he said tapping the top movie:  **An American Werewolf in London**.

I quirked an eyebrow at him and in response all he gave me was a sage nod and a wink.

"I'm going to go say hi to Paul and then I have to go," Quil said turning down the hall after handing me a grocery bag he'd also been carrying, which turned out to be the items I had asked Jake to pick up.

I flipped through the DVDs as I brought them into the living room.  **Dog Soldiers** ,  **Ginger Snaps** ,  **The Wolf Man**  ... the only one in the bunch that I had heard of was  **Underworld,**  which made me laugh since I knew it had vampires, as well as werewolves in it. I shook my head at Quil's twisted sense of humour.

Quil ducked his head in to say goodbye as I was finishing up the lunch dishes and headed out.

* * *

 

I busied myself slowly doing the few cleaning tasks I could find. I thought Paul would probably rest since he'd had such an eventful morning.

After wiping down every horizontal surface in the kitchen, whether I had used it or not; sweeping the floors, having to locate the broom in the back porch first; and transferring the sheets to the dryer, after they passed my inspection for stain removal; I found myself with nothing else to do, so I went to check on Paul.

The sight of him took my breath away as I rounded the corner through the open door. Paul was propped up on his elbow, leaning to the right with his left knee up and the right bent underneath him, a book open between his hands; my book. He was wearing only a pair of boxer shorts, but instead of being embarrassed, I was captivated. The relaxed pose looked so natural and, completely at odds with Paul's character in my mind at the same time. He had never struck me as the reading type; a thought I felt guilty for having as soon as it crossed my mind.

He knew I was there, but didn't move his eyes from the page or say anything to me, leaving me standing in the doorway gawking at him as he sat there reading.

Despite the cuts and bruises that still marred his skin in places, he was beautiful. 

Just thinking the word beautiful in relation to Paul made me feel silly, but there was no denying it. The pack had the physique of a male strip troupe, but I'd never been as attracted to any of them as I was to Paul at that moment. His wavy black hair stuck out at odd messy angles, and begged to have a hand run through it. His broad shoulders and sculpted chest bare, the muscles under his golden skin defined but relaxed as he leaned his weight on his elbow. It certainly didn't hurt that he was quietly reading either...

_Whoa, focus Bella!_

I shook my head after scolding myself over my errant thoughts, just as Paul turned the page and looked up at me in the doorway.

"I was fucking bored, so I borrowed your book," he said lifting it from his lap toward me.

I simply nodded, not trusting my voice to come out steady after my thoughts had run away without my permission. He gave me a puzzled look, likely sensing a change in my heartbeat.

"It's good," he said.

Pullman's  **The Golden Compass**  didn't really strike me as the type of book that Paul would read, but then again I hadn't expected to find him reading at all, so what would I know about his taste in literature?

"I can get you a different book, if you'd like," I offered.

"No, I've read all of mine a million times," he said with another evidently pain-free shrug. "Unless you want this one back," he added as an afterthought, giving me a sincere questioning look. I felt like someone had snuck in here and given him a personality transplant when I wasn't looking; he wasn't acting anything like the Paul I had become accustomed to.

"No, that's okay," I said after a pause.

He didn't say anything in response and we wound up just staring blankly at each other; me confused and him with a look I couldn't quite place. My cell phone ringing in the kitchen broke the silence, drawing my attention away from him.

"I should get that," I said, turning toward the kitchen.

* * *

 

I saw from the caller ID that it was Charlie.

"Hey Dad," I said, flipping the phone open before the call went to voice mail.

"Hi Bells. Jake was supposed to tell you to call me." That was Charlie, straight to the point as always.

"He did, I just haven't had a chance yet," I said pulling out one of the kitchen chairs and sitting down, leaning my forehead on my hand.

"Alright, well," Charlie blustered. He'd had a plan for this call and apparently it had already gone off track. "How's, uh...Paul doing? How long are you going to be out there?" he asked.

I still didn't know what Charlie had heard from Billy as to why I was here, so I wasn't sure what to tell him. I'd have to be careful about what I said; Charlie knew me well enough to know when I was lying. I'd have to stick to the truth, but keep it vague.

"He's doing better, but I don't really know how long he'll need me, Dad." It wasn't exactly a lie.

"Well, have you talked to him about pressing charges, Bella? Those punks shouldn't get away with this," I heard Charlie's voice switch from concerned Dad, to all-business cop in the span of one sentence.

_Press charges?_

I was definitely going to have to talk to Billy, and find out what had supposedly happened to Paul.

"Uh...he hasn't really been up for talking about it, but I don't think anyone will convince him to press charges, Dad. The...guys who did this are long gone now," I was grasping blindly, trying to make my excuse make sense to Charlie without knowing what the cover story was, and not veering too far from the truth.

"You okay, Bells? You don't sound like yourself," Charlie asked, switching back to concerned parent.

"I'm just tired, it was a long night." That certainly wasn't a lie, it had been a long night.

"Billy said he had a concussion, I guess you'd have to wake him up regularly," he said almost to himself.

"Yeah."

"Let me talk to him, Bella. Maybe I can get a description of the guys that did this at least."

_Oh great! Now what was I supposed to say?_

"He's... sleeping," I managed to scrape a plausible lie together and heard Paul's chuckle from the hallway in response; clearly he could hear everything I said. "Maybe you can talk to him later?" I asked.

_Oh, nice cover, Bella!_

** Paul's POV **

I could hear Bella on the phone with her old man in the kitchen. Someone had fed him some bullshit story about what happened to me and why she was staying here; Billy probably. The cover story made me out to be some sort of chivalrous hero to the police chief's helpless daughter. It made me look good! Too bad it was all a fucking lie. Charlie would probably have a fucking heart attack if he knew the danger his precious little girl had really been in. That girl was trouble.

I couldn't help but laugh at the Chief's eagerness to get me to spill some details about my alleged attackers; if he only knew that the reason I was flat on my back was due to a group of undead bloodsuckers.

She lied to him and told him I was asleep. She was the worst fucking liar I had ever met; was Charlie actually buying that shit?

I heard him ask when my old man was going to be back and it brought my laughter to a sudden halt. The tribal council elders had thought it best that the news of a single-father running out on his 16-year-old son was best kept under wraps. This stopped Child Services from snooping around and figuring out I wasn't an average teenager- have to protect the pack secret!

_That piece of shit isn't ever coming back. Who the fuck needs him anyway?_

_Oh shit, what's he saying now?_

'Be careful okay, that kid's...got a bad reputation,' I heard the chief caution Bella.

_Oh, if only the chief knew how much of that reputation was true! I could have his sweet little girl screaming my name and begging me to fuck her senseless in under a minute if I wanted to._

I couldn't help but laugh at the thought of what Charlie's reaction to that would be.

_I might do just that, once I can get out of this bed on my own._

Seriously? Where the fuck did that come from? Sure she had a tight little body, but Swan? Not a chance I was going near that. I'd have to have a death wish to mess with the girl Black was still pining after. Fuck that guy is pathetic.

I could hear Swan hang up the phone and storm down the hall.

"What's so funny?" she spat at me before she was even in sight.

_Oh! She's a feisty little thing when she's pissed!_

"The Chief's worried about his precious little girl being all alone with the big bad wolf?" I said through my fit of laughter.

"Hilarious, Paul." she said rolling her eyes and pursing that smart little mouth of hers.

Looking at her mouth I couldn't help but wonder what it would look like wrapped around my dick.

_Focus, Lahote! This girl is off-fucking-limits.  
          I'll have to find someone to scratch that itch as soon as I'm out of this fucking bed._

"I hate to break it to you, Swan, but you're not exactly my type," I said, pushing my wayward thoughts aside. Actually, looking her over, she was pretty much exactly my type; curves in all the right places, and feisty as hell. I bet she'd be a hell-cat in the sack; well, except for being a frigid, virgin cock-tease.

** Bella's POV **

His laughter stopped abruptly as he raked his eyes down my body in lewd assessment. I felt fully exposed under his mocking scrutiny.

"Well, that's just fine by me," I said, turning on my heel and leaving him to his amusement.

"Oh! C'mon Swan, no hard feelings! I just don't want some leech's leftovers," he called after me.

His words hit me like a punch to the gut. I needed to get out of there. I wanted to leave and not look back, but I didn't.  Instead I went outside to the front porch. I sat on the top step and wrapped my arms tight around myself. It had been a long time since I felt the emptiness that Edward had left in me when he left Forks, but it came flooding back at Paul's hurtful words. I had hoped that the pack members had come to accept me for who I had become since Edward left - I thought I was a stronger person now, but it seemed that had been wishful thinking. Paul for one clearly still thought poorly of me over that foolish portion of my life; I wondered if any of the other wolves thought the same way.

I knew there was something bigger going on with Paul than just him not liking me. There had been moments throughout the day that we had shared the same space comfortably; he had shown me a vulnerability I hadn't thought he was even capable of. I tried to see past his cutting words, to see that he was hurting because of something, or someone, in his past; he was deflecting something else onto me, creating a wall in front of his own pain. I willed myself to be the bigger person and tried not to let his verbal assaults affect me so badly in hopes that I would be able to find out the real reason behind them.

I still wasn't ready to go back in the house and face him, so I decided to call Billy instead and figure out what he'd told Charlie; anything to distract myself from the pain and embarrassment I was feeling.

** Paul's POV **

_Jesus! Where the fuck did that even come from?  
          That was pretty fucking low, even for you, Lahote._

We had all seen what she'd been like after those bloodsuckers had left her. I was with Sam when he found her in the woods the night they left. She was a fucking wreck; she really didn't need to be reminded of that. And besides, Black's constant thoughts about his time with her made it pretty clear she knew the whole fucking bullshit relationship with that pansy Cullen was a farce. She felt bad enough about herself for the whole thing that she sure as fuck didn't need someone rubbing her nose in it.

_Fuck, you're a real asshole sometimes_.

The worst part was I hadn't even meant to say it. It just flew out of my mouth before I even knew the thought was there. It was a cheap shot, and she was freaking out about it. I could smell the sadness and panic rolling off her.

I was about to call out to say I was sorry to her when I heard the front door open, and slam shut behind her as she left.

_She's leaving just like everyone else, and it's all your fault. She was the only person who ever gave a shit about your sorry ass; the only one to ever show you a shred of kindness, and you completely fucked it up._

I waited to hear the ancient engine of her truck start up, but it never came. Maybe she wasn't leaving after all. I wouldn't blame her at all if she did; I deserved to be left to fend for myself.

Eventually I heard her talking to someone. I couldn't hear anyone else, or make out what she was saying, but I guessed she was on the phone with someone. Maybe she was calling someone else to stay here with me so she could leave, who knew.

I decided I would try to make it up to her when she got off the phone...if she came back in before she left.

** Bella's POV **

When I got off the phone with Billy I sat and mulled over the cover-up he had come up with. All of the cryptic things Charlie had said earlier made sense now, it really could have happened. Poor Jacob had to be 'grounded' for being irresponsible with the bikes, but that would end when Seth was back to normal, which wouldn't take long at all.

Paul's cruel words were still bouncing around inside my head, and I wanted to get in my truck and leave. I couldn't blame him for what he'd said; it was the truth. I should be surprised that any of the wolves would have anything to do with me at all after my association with the Cullens. That thought made Jacob's affection for me even less understandable.

I had made a commitment to stay until Paul was able to be alone; his truthful, albeit painful words didn't change that. He still needed someone to be here, so I would stay.

That didn't mean I had to be nice to him though.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you haven't read Philip Pullman's The Golden Compass and the other two books in the His Dark Materials series, you really should.  
> Themes that relate not only to my story but the Twilight Saga in general:  
> -Rescue of someone in distress by a hero figure (not a knight and damsel, but similar enough)  
> -Dual nature as representation of inner being  
> -Abandoning mother  
> -Absentee father  
> -Protection by a supernatural being (and as Malorla pointed out, Paul would think the witched were hot!)
> 
>  
> 
> Quil's movies (I'm not saying this is his whole collection of course, this is just the selection he brought over for Paul and Bella):  
> The Wolf Man (1941)  
> The Curse of the Werewolf (1961)  
> The Howling (1981)  
> An American Werewolf in London (1981)  
> The Company of Wolves (1984)  
> Wolf (1994)  
> Bad Moon (1996)  
> Ginger Snaps (2000)  
> Dog Soldiers (2002)  
> Underworld (2003)


	8. Damsel in Distress

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's a bumpy ride. Hang on.

** Bella's POV **

I sat on the porch for a long time after I had finished my call with Billy. I couldn't bring myself to go back inside; I wasn't ready to face Paul yet.

I thought about why what he said had hurt so badly. Saying that he wasn't interested in me wasn't the problem. Sure that carried the sting of rejection, but I could get past that easily enough. It wasn't like I hadn't had to deal with constantly having my advances turned down by Edward - supposedly for my own safety. No, it was how Paul had thrown my relationship with Edward back in my face with disgust, which had caused the pain I was now feeling. I was automatically less worthy to Paul because I had fallen prey to the Cullens' unnatural charms. I wondered if any of the other wolves thought the same way about me. Had I been fooling myself all along thinking that they considered me a friend as I did them; was I only tolerated because of Jacob?

I thought over conversations and time I had spent with each of them. I knew Leah hated me, but I thought that had less to do with Edward and the rest of the Cullen family, than it had to do with how Jacob felt about me. If I was honest with myself, I knew that Jake was still holding onto the hope that he and I would one day be together. I had tried to make it clear that I loved him as a friend, but only as a friend. This made Leah angry, more so at Jacob than at me I thought, but it certainly spilled over onto me, resulting in her general dislike of me.

I didn't spend much time with Jared or Sam on a regular basis when the rest of the pack wasn't around. They both spent all of their free time with their imprints, and really didn't have much time for anyone else even in group situations. I wasn't really sure what either of them really thought about me, and the same could be said for their imprints Emily and Kim. Sam had been the one to find me in the forest after Edward left. I knew now that Jared and Paul had been with him, but all of the pack members could see in Sam's mind what I had been like when they found me that night. I was a catatonic heap on the forest floor; it took me months to finally snap out of my unresponsive state and realize I was far better off without the Cullens in my life.

Seth was young and sweet; he always had a smile for me and talking to him was incredibly easy, regardless of the topic. I felt that he was sincere and honest and didn't doubt for a second that I could consider him a true friend.

The same could be said about Quil and Embry. I had met both of them in Jake's garage before any of them had phased for the first time. They were both genuine and sincere. I felt comfortable around either of them, together or individually, and I believed I could place them on the friend side of this equation.

That left the two newest wolves, Brady and Collin. Neither of them had known me while I was still in my zombie state after Edward left, nor had they encountered the Cullens personally. It seemed to me that they had gotten the worst deal out of the Quileute genetic mutation that caused the wolves to exist in the first place. The Cullens had left Forks before either of them changed, but the fever had already set in, so they were left to live the rest of their lives as giant furry protectors. Despite that, neither of them had ever shown me any animosity or resentment; they were always respectful toward me. I suspected this had more to do with Jacob and Seth and the reverence the young wolves held them in, than it did to do with me personally though. I couldn't say one way or the other what the boys thought of me.

I was relatively sure that I could consider four of the pack members to be personal friends including Jacob who was considerably more; he was the best friend I had ever had, even if he wanted more than friendship from our relationship. That left five wolves that I was uncertain of and Leah as the opposition. I was no closer to knowing where I stood in the eyes of the pack than I was when I started mulling it over. It didn't matter at that moment anyway. I had already decided that I wasn't going to abandon Paul; I was going to stay and try to repay the debt I had incurred with him for his removing the threat of Victoria to my life. No amount of his cruelty toward me would make me decide otherwise.

With a sigh, I slowly stood up from the porch steps and made my way back inside. I needed to tell Paul about the cover-story so he would be prepared if Charlie insisted on talking to him about it.

I made my way down the hall, stopping outside the bedroom door to take a deep steeling breath, before walking into the bedroom to face Paul. I would have to try hard not to let him get the better of me.

"You're still here," he said quietly. He hadn't moved very much from his earlier position while reading, but the book was closed on the bed next to his hip. His brow was furrowed, his shoulders were rigid with tension and he held his fisted hands against his thighs. His emotional state was hard to read; he looked like he was angry, sad and nervous all at the same time.

"Yeah," I said looking at him defiantly. "You're going to have to try harder than that if you really want to get rid of me," I spat out. I crossed my arms and leaned into the door frame that was becoming a frequent resting spot for me. The room was quiet for a moment as we both just stared at each other. Finally he spoke up.

"What I said, before? It was really shitty," he said, giving me a surprisingly contrite look, and pursing his lips tight together. I didn't miss the fact that he didn't actually say he was sorry; not that I had expected him to.

I didn't need him to try to explain it further to me; I didn't want to get into it with him at all. I rolled my eyes dismissively at him and scoffed, "Whatever." I hoped that would be enough to shut him up.

"I just spoke to Billy. If Charlie or anyone asks, two guys attacked you in the parking lot at Newton's; they were bugging me and you stepped in." It was as short as I could make a summary of the whole cover-story. I'd told him, like I said to Billy that I would; if he wanted more details than that, then it would be up to him to get them. I pulled myself away from the door frame and turned to leave; I didn't want to be around him.

"Wait a second?" he asked, his voice still more quiet than I'd ever heard him speak before.

I turned back to face him and raised my eyebrows questioningly, my arms still crossed defensively in front of me.

He just sat there and stared at me some more. I could see his jaw working as he clenched and unclenched his teeth. He swallowed hard like he was about to say something, but didn't.

"What, Paul?" I snapped, tired of waiting for him to speak.

"I meant it," he finally said. "It was a fucking shitty thing to say to you."

"Yeah; it was." I wasn't about to argue with him; I couldn't tell him it was okay, or that I forgave him, because it wasn't and I didn't, regardless of the truth his words carried.

****

** Paul's POV **

"Jesus, what do you want me to say, Swan? What; are you so fucking prefect that you've never made a mistake in your life?" I couldn't help the anger that rose up in me in response. I was trying to make it up to her for what I had said. I knew it was fucking cruel, and the worst part was I didn't even mean it.

"Yeah, Paul, I've made plenty of mistakes, the biggest of which you have no trouble throwing back in my face! I have tried to learn from them, but it's hard to move on when that mistake keeps coming back to haunt me," she shouted at me. She had stepped into the room further and was standing at the foot of the bed, her whole body shaking with rage as she yelled at me. I had never seen her so angry. It was impressive that someone so small could give off such powerful energy; or it would have been, if that energy hadn't been directed at me. She was usually fucking hilarious when she was angry - it was fun to piss her off for sport - but this was different; she was livid, and it was actually pretty terrifying.

"It was only the truth, right? Now I know what you really think about me at least. What about the rest of the pack? Do they still hate me because of Edward, too?" Her anger subsided a little as soon as the last sentence was out of her mouth; she suddenly looked defeated and tired.

I didn't answer her right away; I had no idea how to respond. How could she possibly think that the pack hated her? She shook her head sullenly like she didn't need an answer anyway. She deserved to know the truth though; didn't she?

"Nobody hates you," I finally answered her question quietly.

              _Well, Leah might hate her, I'm not really sure, but she doesn't need to hear that right now._

"Right," she scoffed. "Well, if that's all you've got to say, I'll just excuse myself; I've got to go get  **your**  dinner started." she said pointedly.

"You're not leaving?" I thought for sure she was out of here; it was crystal clear that she wasn't happy about staying.

"No, like I said, it's going to take more than a few hurtful words to make me leave."

I couldn't believe she was planning on staying after how I had treated her. She was fucking angry with me, and deservedly so. The smell of sadness and embarrassment that had lingered around her when she first came back into the room was gone completely now; replaced with resentment and ire.

"Why?" I asked simply.

"Why, what?" she spat. "Why am I staying when you so clearly don't want me here?"

"I never said that," I mumbled, shaking my head a tiny amount.

"What?"

I didn't know if she hadn't heard me or didn't believe me, but I spoke a little louder when I explained.

"I never said I didn't want you here."

             S _peak up, man! Tell her you're grateful that she's here, you fucking coward._

My admission made her pause and look down at me with her eyebrows knit together in apparent confusion. "It's clear that you don't, Paul. You really don't need to spare my feelings now," she said with a derisive huffed laugh.

"I just don't understand why you are here." I explained, because I really didn't.

I couldn't believe that she was still standing there after the shit I said to her; if anyone had spoken to me like that, I would have been out the door in a heartbeat. Either that or I would have beaten them until they begged me to stop. I sure as fuck wouldn't be making them dinner.

"I told you, Paul. I'm here because you were hurt - nearly killed - protecting me. I'm alive because of you; you saved me, and I'll be here as long as you need someone to be." As she spoke the anger flowed slowly out of her; her voice leveled out, her shoulders dropped and she uncrossed her arms from in front of her chest. She stepped further around the corner of the bed, standing more to the side rather than at the foot of it, and rested her weight on one leg as she tucked her hands into the pockets of her shorts.

Her admittance that she still felt guilty over my being injured had the opposite effect on me. I felt like my blood was boiling inside me. The only one responsible for me being in this condition was that fucking leech, and I'd already taken care of her. That was my fucking job; it's what I was born to do. It had cost me everything and nobody had to ask me to do it, or give me a reason. It was the only thing I was any good at; I sure as fuck didn't need an excuse to do it.

"I'm not some Knight in shining-fucking-armour who rescues the damsel in distress, Swan!" I ground out through my anger. "I had a job to do and I fucking did it, okay? Can we just drop it? Move on." I picked the book up and tossed it toward her and she looked down where it landed on the corner of the bed. Sure the roles in the book were reversed, but it was the same fucking fairy tale bullshit.

"I guess I'm not really worth rescuing, am I?" she said sounding resigned at my tirade. She looked up from the book and her face reflected acceptance of her own perceived low value.

"Fuck! Why do you always do that?" I shouted at her. She kept backing down and second guessing herself and it was making me crazy.

She looked confounded at the abrupt change in direction the conversation had taken. "Do what?" she asked.

"Why do you always talk shit about yourself?" I was pissed off at her. I didn't understand how she couldn't see how hard she was on herself; she didn't need anyone else to be cruel to her, she did that all on her own.

"I don't have to listen to this," she said turning around again to leave, the fight completely gone out of her.

How could I make her see what I meant? She needed to see for herself that she was better off without the leech in her life. She needed to know that the pack didn't protect her because she was weak but because she was strong enough to earn a place as one of us. She wasn't a tribe member, and she wasn't a wolf - thank the spirits - but she meant something to each and every one of us; even me. I just had to come up with the words to tell her that.

"Bella," I sighed.

She turned slowly to look at me.

"You aren't a damsel in distress, Bella. You don't need to be rescued from anyone but yourself," I rolled my eyes thinking about how dangerous she was to herself both mentally and physically.

"Paul, you don't need..."

"Let me finish. Sit down?" I asked pointing at the chair next to the bed, but she didn't make a move toward it at all. "Please?"

She walked to the chair and flopped into it, giving me a pointed look to continue.

"We don't live in a fairy tale. Nobody is going to sweep in and rescue you. You need to stand up for yourself; you need to recognise your own strengths so you can rescue yourself when the time comes. You can't rely on anyone else but you." I sighed again and looked at her intently. She had relaxed a little and was looking down at her fingers in her lap. I shifted on the bed so I could face her.

"Bella, you need to learn to see how fucking strong you are. The best thing that ever happened to you was that bloodsucker leaving you. Sure it hurt you, but it made you a lot fucking stronger too. Why can't you see that?" She still wasn't looking at me, so I couldn't tell if any of this was getting through to her or not. I leaned over and nudged her knee with my finger to get her attention.

"I was such an idiot," she whispered. She looked up at me finally, and she looked so fucking sad it just about killed me.

"Yeah, you were, but like you said; you learned from your mistakes. You're not that insecure person who isn't able to make her own choices anymore, Swan. So stop acting like you are." It seemed like I might finally be getting through to her; she seemed calmer at least.

"And as for the pack hating you?" I looked at her raising a questioning eyebrow. "That's bullshit and you know it. You've put up with a lot of shit from all of us and you deserve our protection as much as anyone else, so let's just drop it okay?"

She huffed a small laugh and nodded as a half-smile spread across her mouth.

              _Thank God._

A small smile was a start. I couldn't stand seeing her so sad, but even sad was better than when she was pissed off. That was downright scary.

I let her sit there and digest everything I'd said. I was pretty sure that was the most I'd ever said to her, and I didn't even realize I had thought that about her until she pissed me off. But none of what I'd said was a lie, not even that I didn't mind her being there.

"Now, how about that dinner?" I said, just for something to hopefully cut through the fucking sadness that filled the air.

She gave me another half-smile and said, "Sure, sure." Hearing Black's annoying phrase from her was like fingernails on a chalkboard.

****

** Bella's POV **

I got up and headed toward the kitchen, thinking over everything Paul had just said to me. I'd had no idea that Paul had paid such close attention to me; it was surprising how perceptive he was. I wasn't completely convinced that none of the pack hated me - Leah never gave anything but that impression - but I felt better.

"He still didn't actually apologise for what he said though," I muttered under my breath as I entered the kitchen.

I heard his laugh in the bedroom.

_Bloody wolves and their supernatural ears! Why can't I keep my thoughts in my head?_

Just another thing to thank Edward for I guess; he couldn't stand not knowing what I was thinking so I'd started rattling off thoughts randomly. I would really have to break myself of that habit soon.

I pulled out the groceries that Quil had brought by and set to making dinner, while I went through the turmoil of the day. Being angry had taken a lot out of me, but I felt a strange sense of peace. I didn't feel weird about being here for Paul. I was still grateful for his taking care of my Victoria problem, but I could understand his side of the ordeal a little better now.


	9. Milk and Cookies

**Bella's POV**

The morning of our second day under the same roof had passed without any major conflicts erupting between Paul and I. I was still hurt and embarrassed over his harsh words from the day before, but he had tried to make it up to me and had seemed to be on his best behavior since. It was like we had an unspoken truce.

Jared and Embry had come by early in the day to help out, and had managed to get Paul washed up and dressed, or as dressed as any of the wolves ever were in a pair of cut-off jeans and nothing else, without World War III happening. That was surprising to say the least. I made breakfast for the three wolves and myself, which we all ate together in the kitchen, including Paul after Embry helped him down the hall. Jared and Embry were scheduled for patrol and had to leave shortly after breakfast, but they promised that someone would stop in later in the afternoon to check on us.

Paul was worn out after his morning of activity, so I left him alone to get some rest, leaving the bedroom door open so I could hear him if he called for me or had another nightmare. I took advantage of the quiet time alone to shower and then called to check in with Charlie. I was prepared for any further questions he might have about Paul's attack since I had spoken to Billy about the cover story, but he didn't push for any details. I wondered if Sue had maybe spoken to him yesterday and put his mind at ease somewhat. Spending time with Sue was certainly having a good effect on his stress level.

I thought about reading, but I had already finished my book as well as the book I borrowed from his small selection, both of which were in the bedroom anyway. The other books on the shelf in the living room seemed to mostly be class assignment novels or books I had read previously. There were only a select few novels I could read over and over without losing interest;  **Lord of the Flies** ,  **Catcher in the Rye**  and  **Macbeth**  didn't fit into that category.

I was at loose ends and searching for something to do while Paul rested. I would typically clean or bake something when I was bored at home. Paul really did keep the house clean and the few belongings he had were kept tidy, so there wasn't anything that needed cleaning in the rooms I had been in. There was a room at the end of the hall that had the door closed. In my experience doors were usually closed for a reason so I had left it that way; there was no sense in pushing Paul into a bad mood over something like that. With nothing to read and no cleaning to do, I resorted to baking.

After doing a survey of items in the fridge and cupboards, I found all the ingredients I would need to make my favourite recipe of peanut butter cookies, except vanilla extract. I decided the cookies would be almost as good without it, and set to work.

I clicked the small radio on the kitchen counter on and turned the volume down low, not wanting to disturb Paul while he rested. I turned the dial until I found one of the limited stations available in the area. I considered it a good day when I was able to pick up something besides NPR News or the Country station in Forks; I'd sworn off the local classical station when Edward left and hadn't been able to listen to it since.

Working in a new kitchen always takes some time to find everything and the cookie batter took longer than usual to prepare, but it wasn't like I was in a hurry; Paul could be sleeping for hours.

I had removed the first batch of cookies from the oven, and was dropping more batter onto the pan when I heard a soft chuckle in the doorway behind me. Startled, I turned to find Paul leaning against the doorframe with an amused smirk across his face and his arms crossed in front of his broad chest.

"What are you doing, girlie?" he asked, raising an eyebrow at me. His whole face was lit up in delight at my expense. My mind went into panic mode trying to think if I had been singing along to the radio or anything else equally as awkward. I didn't need Paul being exposed to my terrible singing voice to be added to my list of embarrassing moments. I could feel my face burn bright red.

"Paul! I thought you were sleeping. What are you doing up? You should have called for me. You shouldn't be walking around on your own yet," I blurted a stream of concern at him as I crossed the kitchen to him, wiping my hands on a tea towel.

"Relax, Bella," he laughed. "I can't stand lying in that damn bed anymore," he complained.

I tossed the towel over my shoulder and reached out to hold his arm as he limped slowly over to the kitchen table. I pulled a chair out for him and helped him settle into it. He sighed heavily, the short walk down the hall clearly having taken a toll on him. 

His visible injuries were looking much better. Not fully healed by a long way, but the bruising on his face had started to fade and the swelling had gone down substantially. The accelerated healing that the wolves possessed was something to marvel at. Hopefully there wouldn't be any permanent scarring to his handsome face.

_Where did that come from? What is wrong with me?_

I shook my head to try and focus. I felt my cheeks flush again in embarrassment from my errant thought.

"Can I get you anything?" I asked once he was sitting with his elbows on the table.

"Nope, go back to whatever you were doing. I'll just sit here for a while," he said. "If that's okay with you," he added with another raised eyebrow, the smirk slowly crawling across his face again.

"It's your house, Paul. You don't need my permission to sit at your own table." I went to the cupboard next to the sink and got down a glass, filled it with water and brought it over to the table holding it out to him. He looked at it for a long moment before reaching out to take it from me.

"Thanks," he said quietly, his eyebrows knit together. His fingers brushed mine as he took the glass from me and it sent a shiver down my spine. I quickly turned back to the counter and focused my attention back on dropping the cookie batter onto the tray as a means of diversion.

"So, what are you making, anyway?" He asked.

"Peanut butter cookies," I answered, belatedly thinking that maybe I should have asked before invading his kitchen. "I hope you don't mind," I added.

"That'll depend on if they're any good or not," he said with another quiet laugh that flowed from him effortlessly. He seemed to be in a really good mood today. It was a nice change, but it didn't really put me at ease. If anything, the drastic change in his behaviour seemed to put me even more on edge around him; it made me nervous.

I turned to the stove, put the refilled tray in, and set the timer. I looked back at him, at a loss for words in reply to his flippant remark.

_Any good or not?! I'll show him!_

If there was one thing I was confident about, it was my baking skills, and I  _knew_  that I made killer peanut butter cookies.

I went back to the cupboard and got a side plate down, putting three still warm cookies on it. Then, remembering the voracious appetite all the wolves seemed to share, I added another three. I brought it to the table and placed it in front of Paul.

"I guess you'll have to be the judge of that," I said with a shrug, taking a step back and placing a hand on my hip.

He looked at me with that lopsided smirk on his full lips, and then picked up one of the cookies.

"Wait!" I said, taking his now empty glass and pouring him some milk from the fridge. I put the glass down next to his plate of cookies and sat across from him. "Okay." I said with a nod and folded my hands on the wooden table in front of me.

He laughed and shook his head at me before pulling the glass closer. He broke the cookie he'd been holding in half, dunked one side into the cold milk and popped it in his mouth. He chewed at a snail's pace while looking at me intently, and my stomach knotted waiting for his verdict. I bit my lip nervously, a habit I just didn't seem able to quit despite trying countless times.

Finally, he swallowed, sucked the crumbs from his thumb and finger and slowly licked his lips. So slowly it was nearly painful to watch, yet I found myself unable to tear my eyes away from his mouth. He didn't say anything, he just kept looking at me with the other half of the cookie held over his milk glass; not blinking, not moving, it hardly looked like he was even breathing he sat so still.

"Well?" I prompted, my voice wavering. I could feel my cheeks grow warm under his scrutiny. He still sat quietly; it was exasperating and utterly thrilling somehow.

The buzzer on the stove went off making me jump in my seat. I hopped up to turn it off and retrieve the second batch of cookies from the oven, thankful for the excuse to break away from his penetrating stare.

"I guess I don't mind," he finally announced, once I had gotten up and turned my back to him. I looked over my shoulder as he popped the second half into his mouth and leaned back in his chair with a satisfied smile on his face.

I busied myself getting the last batch of cookies in the oven and starting on the clean up. I was running water into the sink to wash the few dishes I had dirtied when Paul spoke up.

"I think you're the first person to ever make cookies in this kitchen," he mused.

I didn't know how to respond; I knew very little about his family life. I settled on a non-committal single syllable.

"Oh?" I had intended it as a simple acknowledgement, but it came out more as a question, prompting him to continue.

"Yeah. The only food my old man ever fed me was garbage pre-packaged crap," he said pushing his plate away after finishing the last cookie. "And my Mom?" he snorted out a disgusted laugh. "She was a little... preoccupied to ever bake anything."

I turned to face him at the table. His elbows were on the edge of the table with his hands clasped tightly in front of him, and he was staring vacantly at a spot across the room that held nothing but painful memories. I panicked. I had no idea if I was supposed to change the subject or let him spill his guts about what sounded like a really unpleasant childhood.

I walked over to the table to retrieve the plate and glass so I could wash them with the other dishes, but when my hand landed on the glass, Paul's face snapped up to mine. His buoyant mood from earlier was gone, replaced with a heavy sadness. Overwhelmed by the sorrow in his wide dark eyes, I collapsed into a chair, forgetting the dishes.

His gaze followed me as I sat, reaching out and asking me a desperate question I couldn't identify. I thought again about trying to change the subject as a distraction, but wasn't able to think of anything other than how sad and scared Paul looked sitting across from me.

He continued after a moment without prompting; this was clearly something he needed to get off of his chest.

"She was a drunk," he said, his shoulders slumping forward. Breaking his stare, his eyes drifted to the wooden surface of the tabletop. "I don't have a single memory of her ever being sober. If she couldn't afford booze, she'd drink mouthwash, or perfume, or hairspray; anything that had alcohol in it at all." The words fell from his mouth in a soft even voice, like he was speaking to himself rather than someone who was essentially a stranger.

Maybe he  **was**  talking to himself.

"She'd come home late after getting shit-faced at some bar or another and just get so fucking mad at me; over nothing at all sometimes. My old man worked nights, so he was never here to stop her when she started hitting me. Not that he had the fucking balls to do anything about it anyway. If he was home when she got like that, he'd leave or turn the TV up so he couldn't hear what was going on. The fucking coward never once stood up to her," he said with a shudder. He paused, and brought his hand up to his face and rubbed it over his eyes. "She left when I was eight," he added leaning on his hand. "Nobody knows where she went. I don't even know if she's still alive or not. I don't fucking care...I hope she's dead..." his voice faded off.

The kitchen was utterly quiet except for the ticking of the clock over the door and the soft sound of bubbles popping in the dishwater. Why he had decided to trust me enough to confide in me I really didn't understand. There was nothing that I could possibly say to make him feel better; there was nothing anyone could say to take the pain of that memory from him.

"Fuck, I don't even know why the hell I'm telling you this," he said with a despondent laugh. "It was a long fucking time ago." He sat back in his chair, and looked up at the ceiling fan above the table. I could see his jaw working as he clenched his teeth repeatedly.

"Is that..." I began my question but my voice failed as he snapped his eyes back to mine. With a deep breath I continued. "Is that who was in your dream yesterday?" I didn't need him to say anything to know that my suspicion was true. His eyebrows crumpled together and he swallowed loudly; it was clear the memory of his dream still made him uncomfortable. It felt like an impossibly long time before he slowly nodded his head a tiny amount, his eyes still boring into mine. He didn't say anything more, he just sat and stared at me, and I back at him.

"Where's your Dad, now?" I asked, breaking the long silence again. I couldn't help myself. His anger and reckless attitude were starting to make sense to me and I wanted to know the whole story.

"He fucking bolted when I phased; said he couldn't be part of some magical tribal bullshit and just took off." He said with another disbelieving huff. "Not like it ever made much of a difference if he was here or not; he never did a fucking thing for me. Useless piece of shit." He paused again, tipping his head back and running both hands through his hair.

"He's back in Tacoma now. He sends some money sometimes, but he says he doesn't want to see me." He slumped forward, his hand crashing back to the table with a loud thump that made me jump.

I struggled to come up with something comforting to say, but came up blank. How was I supposed to make him feel better? His family had completely abandoned him: his mother when he was just a child and, his father when he needed his support the most. There was nothing I could say that could take the sting out of that.

I slowly slid my hand across the table until my fingers touched his. He grabbed my hand roughly and held it like he was drowning and it was a lifeline.

We sat there quietly for a moment, Paul clinging to my hand, his grief stricken eyes boring into me. The anguish written on his face was almost more than I could stand; I fought my instinct to look away, determined not to break the fragile trust he had placed in me. He let his eyes drop from mine after a long charged moment. He took his hand away from mine and sat back, rubbing his face again. A deep shuddering sigh ripped from his chest.

The timer on the stove went off saving me from the intense moment, and I got up silently to take the last tray of cookies out of the oven.

Paul sniffled quietly behind me. I didn't turn around; I couldn't. This wasn't like seeing him so vulnerable after waking up from his nightmare yesterday; I had no experience in my own life that I could relate to the trauma Paul had been through as a child. He had exposed a fragile part of himself to me, and I didn't know what to do with it.

"Can I have some more cookies?" he asked after a long quiet moment, his voice back to normal.


	10. Movie Night

** Bella's POV **

Jared returned after his patrol shift with a large bowl of homemade potato salad and some marinated chicken that Kim had prepared. He gave Paul a meaningful look as he explained to me that she would have brought it over herself, but she was intimidated by Paul and he was okay with it that way if it meant Kim stayed the hell away from him. It didn't appear to be new information to Paul.

He left shortly after to get home to his imprint; being apart for a few hours was almost at the limit of what they could tolerate. I shuddered at the thought that I had been nearly as reliant on Edward when we had been together. The idea of it made my stomach turn; I valued my new found independence.

The temperature was still hotter than we were used to in North Western Washington, and the idea of turning the oven on to cook the chicken was far less than appealing. It would heat up the little house more than it already was. Very few houses in the area had air conditioning, it just wasn't needed. I stood at the counter pondering what to do with the gift chicken Kim had sent that wouldn't give us heat stroke.

"There's a grill in the yard," Paul said, guessing what had me so deep in thought. He had been so quiet that I had almost forgotten that he was still sitting at the table.

"Oh, that would work," I replied. Grilled chicken sounded wonderful actually; the perfect thing for a hot summer day. "Only, I don't know how to use one," I admitted with a sideways look.

"I don't think I could stand up that long, but I'll walk you through it. It's easy," he volunteered with a shrug. "We can eat out there too, there's a picnic table," he explained.

After Paul had made his way outside and settled himself at the table there with a glass of iced tea I'd brought out for him, I stood in front of the small old Broil King tucked against the back step under the roof eave. It looked intimidating, but Paul had assured me that it would be easy.

"Seriously, Swan, it won't bite you," he joked. "Lift the lid, turn on the gas and push the starter."

I followed his instructions and the beast roared to life in a belch of flame. I took a step back.

"Now you just have to wait for it to heat up," he said with a shrug. "Close the lid," he instructed.

I didn't have anything to prepare, Kim had done it all, so I sat opposite Paul at the table and sipped my own glass of tea.

Paul's house backed onto the edge of the forest, the tall pine trees providing a welcoming cool shady spot to relax. It was nice to be outside; I hadn't realized I had felt cooped up in the house until I sat and breathed the fresh air. We were only a couple of blocks from the shore and the thick, humid air had the salty tang of the ocean on it that I had grown to love. We sat quietly, enjoying the sound of the wind in the trees and the birds at the beach.

After about 10 minutes I went back into the house to retrieve the food from the refrigerator. I brought the salad and serving spoon out along with plates, cutlery, and a couple of sheets of paper towel to use as napkins. I put them on the table before going back in for the chicken and a pair of tongs.

Paul advised that I turn the heat low so the chicken could cook through without burning on the outside. Cooking over open flames was a little trickier than on the stove or in the oven, but I managed to get it cooked fairly evenly. Not bad for a first try; I couldn't help but give myself a little mental pat on the back.

I removed the chicken to one of the plates on the table, and turned the grill off.

"Looks good, I'm starving," Paul said when I sat back down again.

The marinade smelled delicious. I realized that I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast, and that Paul had essentially eaten cookies for lunch. I served myself a plump chicken breast and what I thought was a generous scoop of potato salad. I shook my head at the amount Paul had scooped on his plate and smiled as I speared a chunk of potato and popped it in my mouth.

We sat quietly and ate for a few minutes. We hadn't spent any time sitting at a table during a meal when we were left alone, and despite it being a less intimate setting than eating in his bedroom, sitting across from him compelled me to attempt conversation.

"It was nice of Kim to send dinner over."

Paul snorted in disdain. "I'm sure she didn't have much say in the decision," he quipped, shaking his head.

"What do you mean?" I'd never heard anyone say anything negative about Kim; if I were being honest, I hadn't actually heard anyone say much at all about her. She was quiet and reserved, and stuck to her self - or Jared - whenever I had been around her. Paul's disparagement of her seemed unwarranted.

"If it were up to Kim I'm sure I'd starve. She's not exactly president of the Paul Lahote fan club," he said with a huffed laugh. "Nah, this is all Jared." He poked at the chicken on his plate with his fork for emphasis.

"Oh...well it was a nice gesture nonetheless," I amended. I was surprised by the negative edge in Paul's voice as he spoke about Kim, and noticed it wasn't there when Jared came up. Realizing the scorn wasn't over imprinting if he didn't hold it for Jared as well, I thought of something to ask to gain some clarity. "Are you and Jared close?"

"Sure, I guess," he said with an indifferent shrug. "It was just him and Sam when I phased, so I've known him longer than the other guys, but they're all like brothers, you know?" I hadn't ever talked to any of the wolves about what it was like to be part of the pack. I found the idea of Paul identifying them as being like brothers intriguing.

"What about Leah? Is it different having a girl in the pack?"

"Yeah, but not like you'd think; it's not because she's a girl. It's because of her and Sam. It was rough for the first while. Really fucking rough. Nobody wanted to be in her head - hell, even she didn't want to be," he chuckled, and paused to take a mouthful of chicken. "But she's alright now. She can still be a bitch sometimes, but I think she does it now because we expect it of her."

"It sounds like you're content being part of the pack...family," I said quietly. I knew family was a sensitive subject, and I wasn't sure how he would react.

"Yeah," he said with a nod. "It's fucked up, and if I'd had an option I wouldn't have chosen this for myself, but I don't, so there's no sense wallowing in it. They're my boys," he gave another nonchalant shrug, "and Leah," he added with a decisive nod.

"Even Jake?" I asked with a raised eyebrow. Jake had made it clear on more than one occasion that Paul wasn't his favourite person; I wondered if Paul felt the same way about him.

"Yeah, even Jacob," Paul laughed, an amused smile spreading across his mouth. "I guess," he said as an afterthought, rolling his eyes.

I couldn't help but smile back.

Clouds started to roll in from the water as we sat and ate our dinner, and the temperature started to cool; a relief after days of temperatures in the 90s. I hadn't heard a forecast while listening to the radio earlier in the day, but it was easy to tell from the sky that it was going to rain. As if on cue, the first drops began to fall lightly as we finished the last mouthfuls on our plates; it wouldn't be long before it was pouring.

"Go in," I said to Paul. "I'll get the dishes." I was already halfway to the door with the first load before Paul was even to his feet. By the time I made it in with the last of the dishes the rain had really started to come down and my shirt and hair were soaked and clinging to me.

** Paul's POV **

She looked like a drowned rat when she came in the second time. She put the dishes down on the counter and stood there for a minute shivering. Her hair hung limp around her shoulders and her shirt was sticking to her and outlining her sweet little body. The outline of her bra was clearly visible through the wet cotton of her t-shirt; her nipples were hard and pushed tauntingly at the fabric.

_Fuck! Pull it together, man._

I turned away from her and walked into the living room. I sat on the couch and tried not to think about Bella in a wet t-shirt, only a few feet away from me. Sure it had been a little while since I had gotten laid, but it was getting a little ridiculous how my mind continually wandered into the gutter around her.

She bustled down the hallway with her arms wrapped around herself to the bathroom. She opened the door a few minutes later; having changed into a dry shirt from the bag that Black had brought her. I could see her from where I sat on the couch. She stood in the doorway towel drying her hair, and asked if I needed a towel too. I just shook my head; the small amount of rain that had fallen on me was nearly evaporated already.

I watched her as she combed through her wet hair with her fingers in the mirror. It was mesmerizing. She was remarkably graceful when she wasn't thinking about it; her movements like an expertly choreographed dance. It was amazing that someone who could make combing her hair look so elegant could sometimes have such trouble staying upright just putting one foot in front of the other.

She turned and a delicate blush flooded her cheeks as she realized I had been watching her. She ducked her head, tucked her hair behind her ear, and disappeared into the kitchen. I could hear her running water into the sink to start on the dishes.

I marvelled at how she was so easily embarrassed; she had to know that she was attractive, didn't she? Black was starring at her all the fucking time; you'd think she'd be used to it by now. I couldn't understand how she could look like she does, and move like she does, and not have the confidence in herself to match. Was it because of that fucking bloodsucker Cullen, that she had such a low opinion of herself, or was there something else eating away at her? It was infuriating; I wanted to grab her and shake some sense into her.

I was pulled out of my reverie by her voice coming from the kitchen.

"Quil brought some movies over yesterday," she called out as she turned the water off. "You should see if there's anything you want to watch." She was at the kitchen doorway by the time she finished talking, walking toward the pile of DVDs next to the TV which she picked up and passed to me. "It won't take me long to finish up the dishes; there's no pots," she said with a little smile and a shrug, turning back to the kitchen.

I flipped through the stack of films, shaking my head at Ateara's obsession with werewolf movies. He'd always been into the stupid things, even before any of us had phased; said he'd liked the idea of a man turning into a wolf since he'd first heard the tribe legends as a kid. That guy lived and breathed being a wolf and he was one of the best in the pack.

"Have you seen any of these?" I called out to Bella.

"No. I've never really heard of any of them except Underworld," she answered with a laugh. "Quil said to watch the one about a werewolf in London first."

She walked over to the stove, drying her hands on a towel and hung it from the oven door handle before coming and sitting on the opposite end of the couch. She picked up a couple of the movies that I had put down on the cushion.

"Any preferences?" I asked after she had looked through them and read the synopsis of a few.

"You pick."

"Ateara's the expert," I said plucking his recommendation out of the pile and passing it to her. "But you have to make popcorn."

"You can't possibly be hungry," she said admonishingly. "We just ate!" She gaped at me with wide amused eyes.

"Wolf. Remember?" I pointed my thumb at myself and raised my eyebrows. "C'mon, you can't watch a movie without popcorn," I scoffed.

"Okay, okay," she conceded. She gathered the movies and put them back on the hutch next to the TV, and put the selected disc in the player. She handed me the remote control on her way past to the kitchen.

I stretched out on the sofa and got the movie ready to go. She returned a little while later with a big bowl of popcorn and two cans of soda. She passed me the bowl and I was about to move my legs for her to sit down, but she sat on the floor with her back against the middle section of the sofa.

The movie was super campy with horrible effects, but pretty solid for having been made before either of us was born. Bella occasionally reached over her shoulder to scoop a pinch of popcorn out of the bowl. I couldn't help watching her as she'd hold a piece to her lips and pause for a second before her tongue snuck out a tiny amount to slowly draw it into her mouth. Popcorn had never been so fucking sexy.

About an hour into the film, Bella shifted and stood up from the floor, and I paused the DVD.

"My butt’s gone to sleep," she said with a giggle and stretched her back. I moved my legs so she could sit on the other end. She sat and held her arms up. "Put your legs back," she said, and looked at me expectantly.

_Well isn't that cosy?_

_Two days ago she couldn't be in the same room as me without her heart threatening to explode, and now she was inviting me to put my legs in her lap? Who the fuck am I to argue with her?_

I gave her a sceptical look and stretched my legs back out resting them on her knees. She looked down and trailed a light finger across my left calf along the path where it had been torn open. It was not much more than a shiny pink line now. I gasped at her unexpected touch and her eyes flicked up to my face, looking like a child caught out at something. She pulled her hand away and pressed her lips firmly together.

"Sorry," she breathed and swallowed thickly.

I just shrugged. I wanted to feel her cold hands on me again.

_Fuck. What the hell is wrong with me?_

She folded her hands in her lap, careful not to let them brush against me. She was less relaxed than she had been a moment earlier, but still nothing near the nervousness she'd displayed on the first night. I took her cue to re-start the movie, when she looked back to the screen, but I couldn't stop thinking about the feel of her cool touch.

** Bella's POV **

"I guess it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be," I said with a smile when the movie had finished. I turned to see that Paul had fallen asleep at some point. I reached over and took the remote from out of his hand on his chest, and turned the television off.

I was still trapped under his legs propped on my knees. I tapped him lightly on the shin and called his name to wake him up.

"Paul. The movie's over," I said, gently shaking his leg.

"Mmmmph," he mumbled, still asleep.

"Paul! Wake up!" I said a little louder.

"No," he grumbled and threw his arm over his eyes.

"The movie is done. You should go to bed."

He snuggled deeper into the cushions. "I'm good here."

"No, Paul. I'm sleeping here. Get up!" I nudged his leg.

He lifted his leg releasing me from my trap, and prodded me with his foot.

"You go, I'm good here," he grumbled.

I stood up after he poked me with his toe again.

"Paul!"

"Shhh...sleeping," he muttered and rolled his face into the back of the couch, turning his back to me.

"Fine!" I said with a huff.

Turning to head down the hall I paused to ask if he wanted a blanket, but I could hear soft snores indicating he'd already fallen back to sleep. With his temperature, he probably wouldn't need one anyway; if he did he could reach the throw on the back of the couch.

So, I brushed my teeth and turned in for the night in Paul's bed, in the small bedroom that had become familiar over the last couple days.

I laid down on the edge of the bed surrounded by Paul's warm, earthy sent clinging to the sheets. It was comforting somehow, and I fell asleep quickly.


	11. Wake-up Call

** Paul's POV **

I woke up in the living room with a kink in my neck. It happened every fucking time I fell asleep on the couch; the damn thing just wasn't long enough for me to stretch out on anymore.

I stood up and stretched trying to un-cramp my neck, and slowly made my way down the hall. I'd have to wake Bella up and get her to move to the couch.

When I rounded the corner into the bedroom, the sight of her curled up on the bed made me stop dead in my tracks; it was so strange to see someone lying in my bed. She was on her side on the far side of the bed facing into the room. The sheet was pulled up over her, but it was still too warm in the house for blankets, even for her. I could see the outline of her body under the sheet; her knees were bent slightly, with one foot poking out of the sheet and hanging over the edge of the mattress. Her left hand was next to her head on the pillow with her fingers lightly curled in her hair. Her right arm was on top of the sheet, her hand resting in front of her on the bed. She had on a dark tank top that I could see above the sheets, and presumably a pair of shorts. Her head was tucked into her chest a little bit, and her lips were parted; I watched as her chest rose and fell with her deep breaths. She looked so peaceful, and so fucking tiny.

I thought about turning around and going back out to the couch to sleep, but the kink in my neck reminded me that wasn't a great idea.

I sat on the bed and leaned on my elbow reaching my hand out to her shoulder to gently wake her up. As soon as I bent close to her I was hit with a full assault of her scent, halting my hand in mid-air. The warm sweetness wafting off her was dizzying.

              _Fuck..._

I had to sit back for a moment to clear my head. I wanted to lie down next to her and breathe her in. I indulged myself for just a moment; lying down on my back on the opposite side of the bed.

Before I realized it, I was drifting into a deep, calm sleep.

** Bella's POV **

I woke up completely overheated and disoriented, the bed sheet clinging to me because my body was coated in a layer of sweat. It took me a minute to remember that I was at Paul's house in La Push. The heat was stifling. I had thought the heat wave was breaking after the cool breeze the night before, but now it felt like it was hotter than it had been all week.

As the fog of sleep started to lift from my brain I felt a heated, heavy band across my waist as I lay on my back on the bed in the now familiar small bedroom. A moment later I realized it was an arm...Paul's arm. He was lying on his stomach with his head turned to the side facing me; his eyes were closed and his lips parted allowing soft snores to escape. His arm was tossed haphazardly across my midsection, his hand resting on the bare skin exposed below my ribs where my tank top had ridden up in my sleep.

What the hell?

Why was Paul lying in bed with me? Why was his arm wrapped around me?

I panicked, and bolted upright, tossing his arm off me in the process.

"Paul! What are you doing?" I shrieked as I stood up from the bed and yanked the hem of my tank top back down to meet my shorts.

He gasped sleepily lifting his head a little from the mattress and cracked an eye at me.

"Hey," he croaked, his voice raspy and groggy. "Sleeping?"  He raised his hand to his face and rubbed his long fingers over his eyes and down to his mouth.

He rolled over on to his back into the space I had just vacated on the bed as his jaw cracked open in an gaping, loud yawn and he stretched his arms into the air, his hands fisting together. He drew his arms over his head, and grabbed the headboard and arched his back. I could see the muscles throughout his chest and arms all stretch in turn; a ripple running from his forearms all the way to the ridges of his abdomen. It was a completely mesmerizing sight and distracted me for a brief moment from my indignation at having him in bed with me in the first place.

Remembering, I snapped at him, "Why are you sleeping here?"

Letting go of the cross bar of the headboard, he brought both hands to his face and rubbed vigorously over his eyes again. It was pretty clear morning wasn't his best time of day, although the mirthful laugh that spilled from his smiling mouth said otherwise.

"It's my bed," he scoffed jokingly.

I just stared at him with my eyebrows raised.

He sat up and shook his head, then finally looked up at me where I stood against the far wall of the bedroom, my arms crossed over my chest. "I woke up and couldn't get back to sleep on the couch. I was going to wake you up, but you were sleeping on the edge, so there was lots of room for me. I just crashed," he explained.  

"Relax!" he said shaking his head, this time in admonishment rather than grogginess. "It's not like you were naked or anything, Swan. See, both fully clothed, everything's cool," he said gesturing between us with a pointed finger.

"You should have woken me up!" I huffed, storming around the bed and out of the bedroom.

"Christ, Swan! Relax, would you? Nothing happened," he called after me as I slammed the bathroom door shut. "Believe me, you'd remember it if it had," he said with a rich laugh.

I fell back against the bathroom door as soon as it was closed. My heart was racing, and the face looking back at me in the medicine cabinet mirror was wide eyed and wild with...anger? No, anger wasn't quite right. More like an edgy excitement. I hardly recognized myself.

I couldn't believe I had woken up with Paul's arm around me. It was such an intimate situation—waking up in someone's arms—and one I had only experienced with Edward. I shuddered remembering his cold embrace, so unlike Paul's warm arm circling my waist. I much preferred waking up this morning to my memories of waking up in cold stone arms; even if this morning had been an innocent mistake.

The cheeks of my reflection flushed as I remembered the weight, and heat, of Paul's arm around my waist; of his rough hand on my skin. My hand drifted unconsciously to my ribs where his hand had been, my hand covering only a fraction that his had. I could feel the warmth spread from my cheeks down my chest until I had a warm glow enveloping me. I sighed and leaned further into the door.

My memory stretched to the moment I woke up and how comfortable I had felt at first, and then the memory stretched further, into my sleep-filled dreaming mind.

I knew I had been having a dream, a pleasant one, which the shock of my waking had chased from my mind, but slivers of it were coming back to me slowly.

> _I was standing at the stove in Paul's kitchen, stirring ingredients into a pot. I couldn't tell what I was making, but I had spent enough time in the kitchen of this house, that it was familiar and comfortable. The warmth from the heating element spread over the front of my body._
> 
> _And then I was enveloped in warmth from behind as well; the comforting heat circling me on all sides. It was comfortable like a hug...it was a hug. Paul's arms were wrapped around my waist in my dream as well._

I gasped aloud when the connection between my dream world and my real world hit me. I remembered that Paul was just a short distance down the hall, and clamped my hand over my mouth. I'm sure he would have heard me anyway with his super hearing.

> _I could feel Paul's broad chest behind me and I leaned back into him. He bent his head to nuzzle his face into my hair; the sound of his deep inhale sending a shiver down my spine._

A shiver slipped down my spine as I remembered how my dream-self had responded.

> _I tilted my head as he continued to move his nose down the side of my neck. I felt him lightly press his lips to the curve where my neck joined my shoulder. He inhaled deeply again, and the release of his breath made goose bumps crawl over my skin._

My skin bumped up at the memory.

> _He dragged his lips lightly back up my neck to my ear; he tenderly kissed the sensitive spot behind it. I felt the smooth, wet, hot tip of his tongue run over the shell of my ear before he drew the lobe into his mouth and between his teeth. He bit down gently._

I had to stifle the moan that nearly fell from my mouth as it had in the dream.

> _His hand snaked up my ribcage, dragging my tank top with it, and I could feel his hand against my skin. His fingers closed more firmly around my ribs, and he spun me to face him._
> 
> _His dark, almost black eyes were hooded and intense as he looked down at me._
> 
> _"Bella," he whispered my name._

That's when I had woken with a start; with Paul's arm actually around my waist, his hand on my ribs.

_Oh God._

Was my subconscious trying to tell me something, or had it been a simple transference of Paul's arm around my waist that had spurred the dream on?

If I thought rationally about it, it sort of made sense that I had dreamed about his arms around me; they had been after all, at least one of them had. But I wasn't thinking rationally; I was freaking out.

I had to get up and move. I couldn't sit there and think about my dream or Paul in bed with me anymore. I pushed off the door and turned the water on in the shower. I brushed my teeth while the water warmed up. I showered quickly, trying hard not to let my mind drift back to the previous topics.

I was scheduled to work tomorrow morning at Newton's. Mike was heading off on a hiking trip with Ben and Tyler for the week, he and I had switched days, which was why I had had the last few off; I hadn't planned on babysitting a wolf on my free weekend.

Paul had been getting around fairly well yesterday on his own, although slowly. If I made sure that he had plenty of easily prepared food for the next couple of days, he should be okay on his own. I would have to get one of the guys to go to the store for me. I could make up some lasagna and a casserole for him so he could just re-heat them, paired with bread and salad; it should last him a couple of days at least. I could still get home in time to make dinner for Charlie and get some laundry done for the coming week.

Satisfied with my plan for the day, I finished my shower, dressed quickly, towel dried my hair, and pulled it into a ponytail. I gathered the towels I had used, and the others from the bathroom, planning to get them washed for Paul while I worked in the kitchen today.

I walked down the hall and through the kitchen to the laundry area near the back door. Paul was sitting at the kitchen table eating a bowl of Cheerios.

"You still mad at me?" he asked as I passed by him, his eyebrows raised and an amused smirk on his mouth.

"I don't want to talk about it," I huffed. I didn't even want to think about it, knowing I would be sure to blush like crazy if my brain landed back on either the dream or waking up next to—surrounded by—Paul.

I put the towels in the washer and turned it on, adding the tea towels and dishcloth to the load as well. I grabbed a bowl and a spoon for myself and sat directly across from him at the table, pouring my own bowl of cereal. Paul pushed the milk across the table toward me.

"Thanks," I said quietly, getting only a grunted acknowledgement in return.

We sat and ate quietly. I looked up from my cereal bowl to find Paul watching me. I shifted my eyes away again almost instantly, and could feel my cheeks warm.

He sighed and seemed like he was going to say something, when my cell phone rang in my purse hanging from the back of the chair at the end of the table between us. I looked at the caller ID as I fished it out of my bag; it was Emily. She only usually called me to invite me to a function in La Push, but she knew I was already here and there wasn't anything planned that I'd heard of; plus it was early on a Sunday morning. Curious, I flipped the phone open and answered.

"Hello?"

"Hey Bella, it's Emily," she started. I found it strange when people told me who was calling even though they knew I had a cell phone that told me that. "Sam and I are heading into town to the grocery store, and we thought we'd see if you need anything picked up?"

"That's perfect. I was going to get someone to go to the store for some things today anyway. Do you want to stop by here on your way out and I'll give you a list?"

"Sure. We'll see you in a little while then," she said in her light happy tone. It was hard not to feel relaxed talking to Emily; she just had that effect on people.

I hung up the phone, putting it back in my purse. I got a pen and a piece of paper from the pad on the counter next to the fridge where it looked like there used to be a phone on the wall, and sat back down to finish my cereal.

"Do you like lasagna?" I asked Paul, thinking about the items I would need before starting a list.

"Sure, yeah," he said with a nod and a shrug of his shoulders. I hadn't really gotten much input from him on what I had cooked over the last few days. Most of it had already been in his fridge, and he hadn't complained about the rest, but I didn't want to leave him with something that he actually didn't like.

I wrote down what I would need to make a large dish of lasagna, thinking I could use the dish Kim had sent the chicken over in yesterday if Paul didn't have a pan. I added bread, salad fixings, cold cuts, milk and cereal to the list. I could tell Paul was watching me make the list, so I asked if he wanted anything else added, while I wrote. I looked up when he hadn't responded after a minute; his face was blank as he stared back at me.

"Paul?" I prompted him.

"You're leaving today?" He asked quietly. He was so still it didn't even look like he was breathing, he looked nervous, or upset somehow despite his face remaining emotionless.

"Uh...yeah," I said with a small nod, putting the pen down and folding my hands on the table in front of me.

** Paul's POV **

"I have to work tomorrow," she explained as she started twisting her fingers together; always fucking fidgeting.

I knew she would have to go at some point, but I was just getting used to having someone around here again; getting used to her. She had said she would be here as long as I needed someone to be, and I didn't physically need anyone here anymore. I could get around on my own, although slowly, and I knew that the guys would still be checking in on me, but I didn't want her to leave; I wanted her to stay.

I couldn't make my mouth form words to tell her that though, all I could do was just stare at her. I felt like she had left already; empty. She didn't look much happier at the prospect of leaving than I felt. Sam's truck pulling up outside lifted us out of our impending misery.

"I think the eggs are almost gone," I muttered. "And maybe some fruit—apples?" I clenched my teeth and tore my eyes away from her. She picked the pen back up as Sam walked in the front door followed by Emily, and finished the list.

Sam talked to me for a bit, but I couldn't really tell you what the fuck we said. Bella gave the list to Emily when he said they should get going, and reached for her purse.

"There's money in the cupboard over the fridge," I said quickly; there was no way I was letting her pay for my groceries.

She looked at me with a scowl on her face, but the look on mine must have made her realize I meant business. She looked to the cupboard I indicated and then to Sam when she clued in that she wouldn't be able to reach it. He opened it and took down the can—it was the only thing in there—and passed it to Emily with a totally clueless look on his face. She made a show of looking at the list Bella had given her and took out forty bucks. I knew damn well that wouldn't cover it, but I also knew better than to argue with Sam or Emily about it. Sam put the can back and they were on their way.

Bella crossed the kitchen and opened the cupboard next to the stove. "Do you want some?" she asked pulling out the jar of instant coffee.

"Don't drink that shit. There's real coffee in the freezer," I said with a snort. The only time I drank that foul swill was when I had to be on patrol at an ungodly hour and didn't have time to make a decent cup.

When the coffee was done she poured two cups, stirring a spoonful of sugar into her own and bringing mine to me black after asking if I took milk or sugar. She sat back down holding her cup between both of her small pale hands with her elbows resting on the table edge. Neither of us said anything, we just sat quietly together and drank coffee.

Unlike the quiet that fell over the kitchen, my mind chased its own tail in a constant stream of panicked chatter.

_Maybe she'd stay if I asked her to..._  
             if I told her I wanted her to...  
             told her I needed her to...

I knew she wouldn't, or maybe couldn't.

_Why the fuck would she?  
             She's done more than anyone else ever has, and she doesn't owe you anything._

_But she might...maybe._

_Shut the fuck up and grow a pair, Lahote, you fucking pussy!_

I stood up and walked out of the kitchen and out to the front porch with my coffee. I had to get out of there before I opened my mouth and made a fucking fool out of myself.

I sat and thought over the time Bella had been there with me. It had only been a couple of days, but it felt like longer; in a good way. I had been fucking pissed when I first woke up and found her there right after the fight with the leeches. I didn't want her there, and a couple of days later I was trying to justify asking her to stay. I was comfortable with her; maybe too fucking comfortable.

I really hadn't meant to fall asleep when I lay down on the bed next to her last night, and I sure hadn't meant to wake up with her yelling at me. I couldn't regret doing it though. I only wished that I could have been conscious a bit longer before she had woken up and freaked out so I could enjoy touching her—holding her—just a little more. I was really only half awake, but I hadn't woken up so comfortable, and so fucking uncomfortable at the same time, ever. I was thankful that I had managed to tame the raging morning wood I was sporting before I rolled over; I'm sure she would have spontaneously combusted from the embarrassment that would have caused her if she had noticed.

Sitting on the porch thinking about it wasn't helping anything, except to prove that my dick did in fact have a fucking mind of its own; and healthy blood flow.

I went in the house to take a shower to set my mind straight; a cold shower.

What a fucking mess.

I turned on the water and striped off my shorts, the cool air helped to calm the half-mast salute that had risen thinking about Bella. I was on a hair trigger though, and it only took the warm water running down my body for the fucking thing to spring up for attention again.

Yup. Mind of its own.

I shampooed my hair and rinsed it out, trying to think about anything but Bella. It was no use; I was going to have to take matters into my own hands, literally. I lathered the soap in my hands and leaned my shoulders against the cool tile wall, and wrapped my left hand around my now fully hard cock. I know it's sleazy to whack one off thinking about the girl in the next room, but I did. I had to beat the fucker into submission so to speak. It didn't take long either. I pumped myself with a firm fist thinking about that gorgeous body of hers: her thin legs in those damn shorts she'd been wearing; her smooth white skin; her nipples poking hard against the wet t-shirt after the rain yesterday. Then I remembered the dizzying affect her smell had on me, and I was a fucking goner. I saved thinking about waking up with my arm wrapped around her to push me over the edge, and shot my load into the swirling water in the drain with a quiet grunt. I stroked myself harder, milking the last white ribbon down the drain, and collapsed against the wall under the shower head with a sigh. Hopefully now I'd be able to be in the same room with her without sprouting a third leg.

I heard Sam's truck coming down the road when I turned off the water. I grabbed a fresh towel out of the linen closet behind the door and wrapped it around my hips and went to my bedroom to get dressed. I threw on a pair of clean shorts and an old worn shirt that had the sleeves torn off. It was the most clothes I'd worn in a long time; I even put on a pair of boxers, wanting that extra layer to help control an unexpected hard-on.

I felt like I was going through puberty all over again. This girl had gotten under my radar unnoticed and was completely fucking with my mind suddenly. I had been ambushed by my own dick.

I walked out of the room as Sam came in with his arms loaded down with paper shopping bags, Emily following behind him with more.

** Bella's POV **

"Holy crow! What did you buy?" I asked, as Sam and Emily walked into the kitchen with their arms loaded down with bags. The list I had given them shouldn't have been more than two or three bags, even taking into consideration they were buying for a wolf's appetite.

"We picked up a few things that weren't on the list. Some extra sandwich stuff, and some more fruit; things that are easy to make," Emily explained. "Bella said she had to go home today, so we wanted you to have what you'd need." She said, turning to Paul who had followed them into the kitchen. He was showered and dressed and looked more relaxed than he had when he'd gone to sit outside earlier.

Sam gave Paul a pointed look and motioned with his head toward the front porch. Paul followed him out, leaving Emily and I alone in the kitchen. When the boys were gone, she reached into her pocket and pulled out $40 and, standing on her tiptoes, she returned the money to the can over the fridge.

"The council paid for it. We stopped and talked to Billy on our way out," she explained with a smile. "There should be enough here to last him a week or so and get him healthy again." She started unloading the groceries, and I helped her put things away, pulling aside what I would need.

"I got everything needed for a chicken and broccoli bake too. I can take it with me and bring the casserole over later if you want," she offered.

"I'll have time to do both," I said. "I'm not sure if he's got a dish for it though."

Emily opened the drawer at the bottom of the stove and pulled out a couple of baking dishes. It was clear that she wasn't a stranger to Paul's kitchen. Catching the look I'd given her, she shrugged her shoulders.

"I try to make him something a couple of times a month; usually when he's out on patrol so he can't complain about it," she said with a little laugh. I smiled back at her easily. It made me happy to realize he had someone looking out for him at least some of the time.

Emily was on her way out to meet Sam once we had finished putting everything away. She stopped suddenly in the doorway and turned to me.

"Thanks for staying here with him, Bella," she said and hugged me. Shocked, I hugged her back; Emily had never been affectionate with anyone but Sam that I had witnessed.

"Of course," I said, feeling the warmth start in my cheeks.

"You won't get a thank-you out of him; I know what he's like. It can't have been easy for you. I just wanted you to know that we all appreciate it," she said and went through the door to meet Sam.

I shook off the shock and went back to get started in the kitchen.


	12. Homecoming

** Bella’s POV **

After Sam and Emily left, I'd made Paul turkey sandwiches for lunch.  He had spent the time it took to eat them, and a little while after, watching me as I worked away in the kitchen. Neither of us had said much to each other apart from a little small talk. He was quiet and seemed like he was thinking hard about something, but I couldn't get him to open up at all. After he'd sat quietly for a while he got up and went to sit on the couch with a book.

I pulled the casserole out of the oven and set it on the counter to cool before wrapping it up and putting it in the freezer, and put the lasagna in to bake. It would be ready a bit early for Paul to eat for dinner, but I really didn't think he would have a problem with that.

I made sure the kitchen was back in order with all the dishes cleaned and put away, and folded the towels from the dryer and put them away in the bathroom linen closet, before collecting my backpack and getting ready to head home.

Paul watched me from his seat on the sofa in the living room as I gathered all of my things into my bag and placed it by the front door. I remembered I’d left my shoes at the back door when I came in from the backyard yesterday, and went to retrieve them. When I walked back through the kitchen, shoes in hand, Paul was standing near the front door leaning against the wall with his hands in his pockets.

"You've got everything?" he asked quietly, not making eye contact with me, his head hanging down.

"I think so," I said bending down to tie my shoelaces.

"If I find anything, I'll give it to Jacob and you can get it from him." I had wanted to give him my number, just in case, but his saying that took away the excuse I'd come up with. He wouldn't have called me anyway.

The last two days had been strangely enjoyable once we had cleared the air on Friday afternoon and I didn't want to leave. I was afraid that once I left the budding friendship between Paul and I would revert back to cutting words or blatantly ignoring each other; I didn't want that. I had hoped that we could maintain the companionship we'd achieved at least, but he was already acting cool toward me and I hadn't even left yet.

"Well, I guess I'm off then," I said as I stood up and faced him. "Take care of yourself okay? Don't push things for another couple of days," I reminded him.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll take it easy," he said with a scoff and a nod. He looked up and met my eye finally, and we just stared at each other for a long quiet moment.

"Okay," I said, but didn't make a move to leave.

He just looked quietly back at me. His penetrating gaze made me suddenly nervous. I wiped my hands on the front of my shorts as my palms grew damp with anxiety. He was standing upright away from the wall now. It felt strange to be saying goodbye to him after we had spent the last three days and nights together. Just leaving felt too cold; if we were friends I would give him a hug when I left. Were Paul and I friends now? Would we ever be? I decided that I couldn't just leave without acknowledging the changes in our relationship. I stepped forward lightly wrapping my arms around him for a quick hug. I expected it to be brief and awkward, and certainly didn't expect him to hug me back; but he did.

I gasped in surprise as his arms wound around my shoulders and crushed me to his broad chest. I turned my cheek to rest on the soft fabric of his shirt as he held the back of my neck with one of his large, hot hands, and rested his chin on the top of my head. It wasn't a rib crushing hug like Jacob always gave me. Paul didn't squeeze me, he just held me tight in his strong arms, letting his warmth and earthy scent seep into me. I had meant it to be a quick hug, but I didn't want it to stop now that it had started. We stood there for a long moment, neither of us pulling away. Finally, I sighed and pulled myself out of his embrace and picked my bag up off the floor. He leaned back on the wall with one shoulder and hooked his thumbs into the belt loops of his shorts.

"Thanks," he mumbled almost too quietly for me to hear. It wasn't clear what he was thankful for; my staying with him, or the hug.

I didn't trust my voice to be steady, so I simply nodded.

"See you around, Swan," he said, his voice returning to normal. He still held my eye with his intense stare.

'Yeah." I opened the door and left before I had a chance to talk myself out of it.

** Paul's POV **

I stood next to the door and listened to her walk down the steps, then across the gravel in the driveway to her truck. I slid down the wall and sat on the floor as she climbed behind the wheel, started the engine and pulled the truck onto the road. I listened to the fading sound of her driving away until I couldn't hear her truck anymore.

She hugged me.

I couldn't remember the last time anyone had hugged me; I hadn't wanted to let her go. She was soft and warm and she smelled fucking amazing. I wanted to bury my nose in her hair and just breathe her in.

_I'm completely fucked. If Black catches me thinking about his girl this way, I'm a dead man._

_But she's not really his girl..._

_I'm still fucked._

I got up from the floor when the timer on the oven started to buzz insistently. It was only shortly after 4:00, but the lasagna looked so fucking good I served myself a piece anyway. It was the best fucking thing I'd ever eaten; and it just made me miss her. The house seemed so quiet and empty now that she was gone. I had been living alone since the old man left last August, and I had never felt lonely in my own house before. I hadn't missed anyone, ever, but I missed having Bella around.

_Yeah, completely fucked._

** Bella's POV **

I brushed my cheek with my finger tips as a tear spilled over the edge. I had no idea why I was crying. Paul and I weren't exactly close; it made no sense for me to get emotional over leaving, especially since I was only going fifteen miles down the road to my own home, not across the country or something. I wiped the rogue tear that spilled over the other cheek as I passed the sign facing the other direction welcoming visitors to La Push.

The thirty minute drive back into town from the Reservation left me lots of time to think. So much had happened in the three days I had spent with Paul. I felt that I had gotten to know him better in that short time than I had in the months that I had practically lived in La Push; I had spent almost all of my free time there since January. I had been surprised to learn how well he seemed to know me, too. He'd shared some rather insightful opinions with me regarding how I viewed myself.

His thoughts about me being too hard on myself hit home. He was right, I was hard on myself. I didn't know if this was something that I had always done, or something that I had started doing after Edward left.  Maybe I started doing it because of Edward. I thought that might be the more likely situation to be honest.

Edward had controlled as much of my life as he could: from where I went, and how I got there, to who I saw, what I wore (he used Alice to control this aspect), what I read, almost to the point of what I ate and when. He was with me almost all the time, even when I was asleep. Thinking back on how foolish I had been at that time in my life still made me shudder. I was glad that I was free of his controlling, unnatural hold on me.

There were still other things about me that had been a result of my unhealthy 'relationship' with Edward apart from my being so willing to give control of my life over to someone else, and Paul had pointed out that my opinion of myself was appallingly low. He was right. I always second guessed myself, and thought that I wasn't good enough a lot of the time. If someone who hardly knew me could see this, I wondered why no one else had ever brought it up to me before. Why hadn't Jacob said anything? I spent the most time with Jacob out of everyone I knew, including Charlie, and he had never mentioned anything of the sort.

I was still thinking about how much I had changed since Edward left when I pulled into the Thriftway parking lot. I knew that Charlie wouldn’t have gotten groceries in the few days that I was gone, and that there wouldn’t be much in the house to make dinner from.

* * *

 

I got home to find Charlie hadn't completely let the place go in the four days I was gone. I set to work, with the minimal tidying needed before starting to prepare dinner. Chicken pot pie was on the menu tonight; it was Charlie's favourite. Despite Billy's assurance that he had smoothed things over with Charlie regarding my staying in La Push for the weekend; I thought it couldn't hurt to butter him up just a little.

I had just laid the pastry over the stew-filled dish when I heard the Police cruiser pull up in the driveway.

"Bella?" Charlie called out as he came through the front door. I always wondered who else he thought it might be, given that my truck was in the driveway.

"In the kitchen, Dad," I answered shaking my head at his ridiculous habit.

"Welcome home, Bells," he said pulling me into a quick hug before going to the fridge and grabbing a can of beer. "Things settled down out at the Lahote place enough for you to come home, huh?"

"Yep, Paul's pretty much back to normal," I said lightly, trying not to sound like I was lying. Paul was anything but normal after all.

'Good. How long till dinner? I'm famished," Charlie enquired sniffing the air appreciatively.

"About 25 minutes," I replied. With that Charlie gave me a nod and headed into the living room. Charlie had his rituals, and apparently grilling me on my whereabouts wasn't enough to prevent him from upholding them right now.

I served the chicken pot pie and we sat and ate in silence for the first few minutes. My father wasn't exactly what you'd call chatty, which suited me just fine most of the time. However, knowing that he was bound to have questions I dreaded the silence; I wished he'd just speak up and get it over with.

"Good pie, Bells," he started finally. I gave myself a mental pat on the back for thinking to make his favourite.

"Thanks, Dad."

"So the Lahote kid's back on his feet?" Charlie launched into grilling me

"Yeah, Paul," I said reminding Charlie of his name. "He was pretty out of it but he's doing much better now though," I said, hoping that if I gave him a little bit of information he'd accept it and drop the subject. Everyone could tell when I was lying - especially Charlie.

"His dad's out of town a lot from what I understand." The words formed a simple statement, but he had posed it as a question.

"Yeah, that's what I heard too," I said with a shrug.

"That kid used to be a bit of a trouble maker, but I haven't had to haul him in for a while now. Billy says he's running with Jacob and Sam Uley's crowd and that he's cleaned up his act."

"Yeah, Sam and Paul seem close," I said dismissively.

"It's a good thing, I was starting to think he was bound to be headed down the same road as his mother," Charlie said, almost as though he were talking to himself. My interest piqued at the mention of Paul's mom. I should have realized that Charlie would have known about her—he'd been on the police force since before I was born—but it surprised me to hear him speak about her as though what she'd done was common knowledge. He was usually careful not to talk too much about sensitive things he heard or saw while on the job.

"It was nice of you to help out, Bells. I didn't realize you knew the Lahotes."

"I only know Paul," I said, dropping my eyes to my plate, "and not really that well." My admission reminded me that I had gotten to know Paul more over the last few days. Maybe now we could get past the animosity that had previously surrounded us any time we interacted; I was still hopeful that maybe we could even become friends to some degree.

Charlie fell back into silently enjoying the last few bites of his dinner before he got up from the table. He carried his empty plate over to the sink and retrieved another beer from the fridge.

"It's good to have you home, kiddo," he said as he walked back into the living room to watch the rest of the Mariners game. 


	13. The Daily Grind

** Bella’s POV **

My first day back at work after the weekend spent in La Push was excruciatingly dull. Mondays were always a little on the quiet side, but Mike was usually there to fill the space with his idle chatter. With him gone hiking with Ben and Tyler for the week, my work week was sure to be slow and painful. I filled my day with straightening and dusting the stock on the shelves between the few customers that did come in, and was really glad when 4:30 came and I could start the closing procedure.

I made dinner for Charlie and I when I got home, which we ate in relative silence as well.

The hours of quiet had given me far too much time to think, and I found myself thinking about one subject in particular: Paul. I wondered how he was, if he was managing okay on his own or if I should have tried to stay another day or two. He seemed like he would be fine alone, but it didn't keep me from fretting about him. I wished I had gotten his phone number so I could call and check on him. Maybe I would call Jacob and have him stop by there for me.

I found myself watching some ridiculous police movie that Charlie had on in order to distract myself from the repetitive chain of thoughts running through my mind.

Tuesday was much the same as Monday. We had a shipment of inventory arrive at the store, so at least I had something to occupy my time during working hours while I checked through the order, tagged and put items out. I wasn't quite so lucky when I went home however, as Charlie was working the late shift and wouldn't be home until 11:00. I busied myself with making dinner and setting aside a plate for Charlie in the oven, which made me think about cooking for Paul the day I left La Push. I wondered if he had finished the lasagna yet. I knew Emily would likely be checking in on him in a few days, but it didn't do much to put my mind at ease.

A portion of the night was taken up with a call from Renee. She and Phil were on the road for the summer season, and she tried to call me whenever she had a chance. They were in Milwaukee for a training camp. Talking with Renee was always the same, she had many stories to tell and talked a lot, but never asked about how I was doing or let me get a word in. It was for the best really, because if I mentioned my staying in La Push to take care of Paul, she would have insisted on getting all the details and certainly would have made innuendos about me pursuing him. My mother would always be boy crazy.

After nearly 45 minutes of Renee's chatter I said my goodbye, and got ready for bed. I was surprisingly tired after two dull days and thought I'd make it an early night. I crawled under the covers after taking care of my nightly routine; my bed was still surprisingly comfortable after spending the weekend sleeping in a chair on a couch and in a strange bed. I read for a while, nearly finished with The Golden Compass, but fell asleep before long.

I woke up sobbing, with tears streaming freely down my face. I'd had a terrible dream and it took me a few minutes after waking up to realize that it wasn't true.

> _I had been watching the wolves run through the forest from a high point, like I was looking down on them from the tree tops. They were running after the group of newborns, just like they had re-told the night of the battle. I saw Sam’s black wolf take on a short dark haired male, and I saw Embry swinging after the sandy haired female in the trees. I watched as Jacob, the large russet wolf, cornered a thin male who had been giving them the slip...and then I saw two brown wolves, one darker than the other, chase Victoria straight toward the silver wolf I knew to be Paul. Only instead of him getting a hold of her on the second pass, she tore into him. She knocked him into a tree hard enough that I could hear his bones shatter. A loud yelp echoed through the forest, as she grabbed onto his hind legs and twisted, breaking his back._
> 
> _She turned and looked directly at me before she leaned down to where Paul lay in a broken heap on the forest floor. With a wicked smirk, she grabbed his massive head and broke his neck, keeping eye contact with me the whole time. Then she took off at her eerie unnatural speed as her shrill laughter floated around the forest._
> 
> _Paul’s body changed from wolf back to human and lay in a broken heap on the forest floor._

__

After the realization that it was a dream had sunk in I resolved to check on Paul tomorrow. I had to. Clearly my subconscious was trying to tell me something; I was worried about him.

** Paul’s POV **

It had been three days since Bella left; three excruciatingly long, fucking lonely days. Everywhere I looked I was reminded of Bella. I saw her in the kitchen, on the sofa in the living room, even in the backyard.  I had even tried to avoid the memories of her that were haunting me by just sleeping, but the sheets on my bed smelled like her. 

Some of the guys had stopped by to check in on me and hang out, but I didn’t want them there; I just wanted to be left the hell alone to wallow in my misery.

When Jacob had come by Wednesday morning I’d almost asked him for her number, but thought better of it. I didn’t have a reason to call her; it’s not like we had anything in common. I had never been hung up on a chick before, and it was making me fucking crazy. I wanted to let the wolf out and just run, but Sue said I should wait until the end of the week before phasing; Sam had had to give me an order to stop me.

I was a fucking mess.

** Bella’s POV **

Wednesday morning was a tough start; I hadn’t been able to get back to sleep after my nightmare. I laid awake thinking about how Paul, how all of the wolves, had risked so much. The gratitude I had felt after Victoria had been destroyed had been renewed.

The weather didn’t help get my day off the ground at all either. The heat wave from last week had finally broken and the usual cloud cover and drizzle had returned. I pulled into the parking lot at Newton’s Outfitters just as the drizzle turned into full on rain, and it stayed that way for the rest of the day.

Rainy days made for good business in the sporting goods line of work however; if it was too wet to be outside playing, sports enthusiasts went shopping for new toys to play with when the sun shone again. The busy day was a nice respite from my long days thinking about Paul, until Jacob came in close to the end of my shift.

"Hey Jake!" I said as he grabbed me up in one of his patented rib-crushing hugs. Mrs. Newton had gotten used to Jacob just dropping in on me at work, and didn't mind as long as the store wasn't busy. I only had 40 minutes left in my shift and the store had gotten quiet again as the weather cleared in the afternoon. She said it would be okay for me to cut out early.

"Let’s go get something to eat," I suggested, having only had a salad at lunch. I knew Jacob wouldn't turn down the offer of food. We walked over to the cafe inside the Thriftway and grabbed some sandwiches to go, then went over to the park down the street and sat on a bench.

"So, are you still grounded?" I asked with a chuckle and making air quotes with my fingers. I handed him the bag after taking my own sandwich out.

"No," he laughed his deep throaty laugh that felt like a warm hug. It had been almost a week since we had spent any real time together, and I hadn't realized I had missed him so much. "Dad said since Seth's back to normal, I could be let off the hook now; but, thought I had still better steer clear of Charlie for a while longer. That's why I met you at work," he explained between mouthfuls of sandwich.

"I'm glad Seth's okay," I said, and then decided to just ask what was on my mind. "How's Paul?" I'd been thinking about him pretty much non-stop since I left La Push on Sunday, and really wanted to know.

The smile fell from Jacob's face at my question. He shot me a look that I couldn’t quite place—jealousy maybe, or resentment—before dropping his face away from me and continuing.

"Uh, I don't really know, Bells," he said quietly. "I mean he's pretty well back to normal as far as his injuries go, but he's acting kind of off," Jake said with a sigh, letting the hand holding his uneaten sandwich rest in his lap.

"What do you mean off?" I asked. I had been worried before I asked, but had expected Jake to say that Paul was fine; I hadn't expected there to actually be anything to worry about.

"He's been really quiet and moody—I mean even more than usual," he clarified. "And he doesn't want anyone around; says he just wants to be left alone when we go by to check on him. It's not like him. He even told Jared to go away this morning." Jake ran his hand through his short hair and looked at me with a hopeful look. "Did he say anything to you while you were there?"

Paul had confided many thing in me in the four days I had spent with him, but I wasn't sure how much of it Jacob knew, or how much Paul would be comfortable with me sharing, so I just shrugged and shook my head turning my attention back to my sandwich. I wasn't even remotely hungry anymore.

"Maybe I should check in on him?" I offered, more for my own peace of mind than Jacob’s.

"No, don't worry about it Bells. You've done enough for him," Jacob sighed, reaching into the bag and pulling out a bottle of apple juice. “Besides, he's not really the sort of guy you should be getting mixed up with," he said under his breath as sort of an afterthought. I wasn't sure if he had intended for me to hear it or not.

"What's that supposed to mean, Jacob?" I was upset that someone who Paul regarded as a brother could speak so lowly of him to me.

"He's just...well, you've heard what he's like, I'm sure," Jake said with a shrug. "He's not exactly the most stand-up guy around."

"Pretend I haven't heard about Paul's supposed reputation, Jake. Why exactly should I not be worried about someone who risked his life for me?" I was getting angry at Jacob's flippant attitude toward his pack-mate.

"There's nothing supposed about his reputation,” Jake scoffed. "He's exactly the womanising asshole that everyone says he is. He's really not someone you should waste your time worrying about, Bells." He balled up the paper from his sandwich and threw it at the garbage can across the path, sinking it effortlessly. Then turning back to me he added, "Seriously, don't worry about him. I'm sure he'll be fine once he's able to phase and run off some steam. It's probably nothing."

I passed him the rest of my sandwich and took the juice from him, taking a sip as I thought about what he'd said. I had heard about Paul's reputation, not just from Jacob and Charlie; it was sort of common knowledge both on the Reservation and in Forks. It wasn't something I had ever put much thought into before, but now that I had gotten to know Paul better, it bothered me that people could write him off as a waste of time so easily. Yes, he had a temper, and I assumed that the rumours of his getting around were true as well, but he had a kind side that I had seen, and he was obviously devoted to his tribe. I felt like he was being treated unfairly, especially by his 'brother'.

Jake said he had to get going; he was meeting Embry and Quil at the junkyard and they were going to be working on Embry’s truck that evening. Jake had patrol the next afternoon, so I wouldn’t be seeing him tomorrow unless I made it an early visit to the reservation. We said goodbye and I headed home to get a start on dinner for Charlie.

I couldn’t help thinking back over the conversation with Jacob. His opinion of Paul had been shocking to me; especially considering how I knew Paul felt about all the members of the pack. It was unfair and I felt myself getting mad at Jacob in Paul’s defence. I still didn’t really know how he was doing either. Jake had said he was doing fine physically, but it sounded as though Paul was brooding about something. He hadn’t been quiet and moody for the last couple of days I had been there, but I had seen that side of him when I was getting ready to leave. I wondered if it was something that I had said or done.

I had more questions than I had before I talked to Jacob, and I needed to get some answers.


	14. New Favourite Flavour

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The very first time I touched your skin  
> I thought of a story  
> And rushed to reach the end  
> Too soon  
> ~ Primary - The Cure

** Bella's POV **

I awoke Thursday morning refreshed; I was able to wake up without my alarm since I didn't have to work. I yawned and stretched lazily while pondering how to fill my day. With school finished and my spending most of my free time out on the Reservation, I had lost contact with most of the friends I had made in Forks since moving back. I knew Jacob was on patrol this morning so I was essentially left to my own devices.

My conversation with Jake the day before played over in my head as I finally got out of bed and made my way down the hall to the bathroom to start my morning routine. He had been really emphatic in his disapproval of my spending time with Paul; saying he was nothing but trouble and that I should steer clear of him. As far as Jake was concerned, I had already given Paul more than he deserved and now that he was healing well, I didn't need to give him a second thought. Jake had all but ordered me to stay away from him, which wasn't like him at all. He was loyal to his pack brothers to the point of being annoying sometimes; it made me wonder what his problem with Paul really was.

The picture Jacob had painted of Paul didn't seem to fit with the Paul I had gotten to know in the few days I spent tending to him. Charlie had also made it clear, without giving any specifics, that he knew exactly who Paul Lahote was and that he didn't really approve of me spending time with him either. In addition to both of their objections, Paul had a reputation of being a bit of a player around La Push and Forks. Okay, maybe saying he had a  _bit_  of a reputation was a stretch; rumour had it that he was the just the guy if you were looking for a no-strings-attached one night stand.

I highly doubted that Jacob knew what had really happened when Paul's father left, or what his mother was like, although with the shared pack mind, maybe the whole pack did. None of these negatives, nor the warnings from Jacob and Charlie, stacked up in my mind. Yes, Paul certainly had an attitude, and had gotten into some minor trouble with the law a couple of times, but I just couldn't convince myself to write him off as a lost cause just yet.

Besides, I really couldn't stop thinking about him, and I certainly had tried. My mind wandered through memories of the days I had spent with Paul last week. He had shown a vulnerable side of himself to me when he'd had the nightmare about Victoria, and again when he told me about his parents. Yes, he'd said some hurtful things, but in their wake I'd been surprised by his insistence that I didn't give myself enough credit for my strength. It shocked me that he had paid enough attention to me to gain such insight, even if I didn't believe it to be true.

I remembered how we had grown comfortable around each other in quiet moments, but also how he could make my heart race or my breath catch with just one look, or touch. I was undeniably attracted to Paul physically—it would be hard not to be. He was incredibly handsome, and his comfort in himself—which I no longer saw as his being cocky—only made him more so. Waking up with his arm around me and dreaming about him certainly didn't help me pretend I wasn't attracted to him either. His broad muscled shoulders, defined chest and abs, and the deep indents over each of his hip bones that I just couldn't seem to keep out of my mind - how they angled toward each other like a v that disappeared into the waistband of his shorts...

_Geez! Snap out of it Bella!_

As I finished my bathroom ritual and took a last look at myself in the mirror, I resolved to go out to La Push this afternoon and check on Paul for myself. Maybe I'd make another batch of peanut butter cookies to bring to him.

I wondered how his healing progress was coming along; if the wounds on his chest, back and leg had fully healed and if they would leave scars. I also thought about the cuts he'd suffered on his face, and hoped that those wouldn't scar either; it would be a shame to mar his beautiful features that way. It was said that scars gave a man a rugged character and sex appeal, but Paul did just fine on both of those counts without having marks added to his copper skin. I'd go to La Push this afternoon just to make sure that he was actually okay; it still boggled my mind that he could be up and walking around so soon after such bad injuries.

 

* * *

 

After spending the morning in the kitchen making a double batch of cookies to bring to Paul, I was headed out to the reservation shortly after 1:30, a large container of treats next to me on the seat of the truck.

I pulled up to the little green house and mused to myself how different it looked in the daylight than it had the night of the battle; the night that Paul had nearly died. I shook the memory of that awful night from my mind and steeled myself with a calming breath before opening my truck door and walking up the porch steps to the front door.

My heart was pounding in my chest and I knew my cheeks were blazing red as I raised my hand to the weathered white door, pausing a moment, before knocking. The door opened almost immediately to a smirking, shirtless, bare foot Paul. The sight of him made my breath hitch. Had I not seen his broken body first hand only a week ago, I would have believed he had been healing for weeks, not days. His cuts had all healed leaving faint pink lines across his calf, chest and face. I assumed they were on his thigh as well, but he had on a pair of cut-off shorts, thankfully. The swelling all seemed to be gone now too, and the bruises had faded to a light yellow green shadow on his skin in the very worst spots; and were gone completely in places that hadn't been as badly damaged. He stood there, with that cocky smirk on his face, one hand still on the door as I surveyed his body from head to toe.

"Enjoying the view, Swan?" he said finally breaking the silence, and drawing my wandering eyes back up to his face.

"Hi," I managed to squeak out quietly. My stomach was turbulent with sudden anxiety, and I didn't know what to say to him now that I was standing in front of him. I'd come to see how he was, and it was evident that he was doing a lot better than any normal person would be in the same position. I don't know why I had thought I would find anything different.

He stood and stared at me a few minutes more before shaking his head with a laugh and stepping away from the door. "Come in and close the door before you let all the bugs in," he said, turning toward the kitchen.

Following slowly behind him clutching the container of cookies to my chest, I noticed Paul's usually smooth gait still had a slight limp. Despite favoring his left leg, his footsteps made no noise on the worn linoleum floor. He leaned against the stove and crossed his arms over his defined chest, relaxing his weight onto his right leg.

I didn't know what to do with myself; I stood awkwardly in the middle of the kitchen facing him with the cookies still gripped tight in my hands.

"So," he broke the tense quiet after staring expectantly at me for a long moment, "what brings you out here, girlie?" he asked, raising his eyebrows in anticipation. The level of comfort with one another we had established while I was here last week had clearly evaporated, and he was back to his cold and smug former self, making me even more nervous.

"I just... well...uh," I stammered, not able to maintain eye contact with him. I hated the effect he had on my ability to form coherent sentences. Why was I such a babbling idiot around him? My discomfort seemed to amuse him, or annoy him, I couldn't really tell which; maybe both?

"Jesus, Swan, spit it out," he grumbled. His quick change in mood snapped me out of my daze, and my own anger flared.

"Clearly you don't want me here, so I'll just go." I huffed and walked over to the kitchen table and put the package of cookies down with a bang; I had made them for him after all. "Sorry I bothered you!" I turned around and found Paul had silently moved to stand in the doorway, blocking the path between the kitchen and the front door, his broad shoulders nearly filling the opening and effectively blocking my escape route.

"Those are for me?" he asked with a smug grin, and sniffing the air. "Peanut butter?"

His sudden mood swings were making me dizzy and I just wanted to get out of there, not even remembering why I had come in the first place. I gave him a look that told him I knew his question was completely rhetorical; he likely knew they were peanut butter cookies before I even set foot in the house.

"Move, please," I said stepping forward, mistakenly expecting him to move out of my way.

"No." he simply stated, crossing his arms and leaning into the door jamb.

"Paul, get out of my way." I glared at him.

 

** Paul's POV **

"No, I don't think I will," was all I could say. I wanted to know why she'd really come to see me, but her defiant anger was just too damn entertaining; she was like an angry kitten. I couldn't even help the stupid fucking grin on my face. If she was going to get all worked up like this just from my standing in her way, I would do anything I could to piss her off from now on.

She just kept looking at me and not saying anything; it was time for a more direct approach. I pushed off the door frame with my shoulder and slowly walked across the kitchen. She backed away from me and bumped into the fridge. Her heart rate spiked and the anxiety rolled off her in waves, but underneath that there was another, sweet, musky scent coming off her...

_Oh shit! She's getting off on this, too?_

_Keep your cool, Lahote! Don't fuck this up._

"Why did you come here, Bella?" I asked her again.

The closer I got to her the more intoxicating the smell of her apprehension mixed with her arousal was. I'm sure she must be able to see it written on my face, I was doing a shit job of keeping my cool. Her chocolate eyes just stared up into mine. Fuck, I couldn't let her leave yet. I trapped her between my body and the fridge and put my arms out to block her. She could still go if she really wanted to, but she'd have to touch me to do it.

_Fuck, I want her to touch me..._

What was it about this girl? A week ago I was barely aware of her existence. That wasn't entirely true, I’d been aware of her, but not like I was aware now. Now I was about to drop in front of her and fucking beg her to run her fingers through my hair, or put her hand on my shoulder, or...fuck, I think she could slap me and I would come crawling back for more.

_What the fuck is wrong with me?_

She closed her eyes and leaned against the fridge. I watched her delicate white throat as she swallowed nervously; I wanted to lick it. 

"I'm leaving. Move," she choked out, looking back at me with those hypnotic brown eyes. Contrary to her words, she didn't make a move to leave at all.

"It doesn't look like you're going anywhere," I whispered. I couldn't help myself. I had to be closer to her. I needed to smell her; I wanted to taste that intoxicating smell coming from her skin so fucking badly. I had to focus and keep her talking or I was going to ruin this before it even started.

 

** Bella's POV **

"I asked you a question. Why are you here?" His smooth baritone voice vibrated in my ear as he leaned into me. I was trapped in a cage created by his arms and chest against the refrigerator, and I could feel the heat radiate off of him.

"I-I don't know," I squeaked nervously.

"I think you do," he coaxed. I could hear him inhale deeply along my neck; making heat pool in my stomach.

"I-I wanted to m-make sure you were okay," I stuttered.

"I'm just fine," he exhaled. "But you already knew that, didn't you?" he crooned.

"Y-yes," I said, my voice barely a whisper. I felt dizzy with anxiety and rampant hormones battling for dominance inside me.

"Then why are you really here?"

"I wa..." my voice broke and trailed off.

"Yes?" he fished after I didn't continue. His bare clavicle was only inches from my face and I fought the urge to lean up and lick it. His scent, a combination of rich earth and sweat and something warm and spicy, surrounded me, intoxicating all of my senses.

"I wanted to see you," I spoke so softly that, if not for his extraordinary hearing, I'm sure he wouldn't have heard me.

"You wanted to see me?" he purred huskily into my ear. I could practically hear the smile that spread across his lips even though I couldn't see it.

"Yes," I hissed as a shiver ran through me in response.

"Well, you've seen me." He paused. "I guess you can be on your way now." He stood so close his deep gravelly voice rumbled inside my chest, sending tremors straight to my core; a deep coiling sensation starting in the pit of my stomach. He still didn't move away to let me go. "Is that what you want? Do you want to leave?"

"N-no," I stammered, trying to cover the panic that rose in me at the idea of leaving now.

** Paul's POV **

_Bingo_.

"Tell, me," I prodded, "what  _do_  you want, Bella?" The smell of anxiety was nearly completely over powered by her excitement. "I can tell how nervous I make you, Bella. I can hear your little heart racing in your chest."

I had to get better access to that fascinating smell. I lowered my nose to her neck, being careful not to make contact with her...yet.

"I can smell the longing on your skin." It wasn't a lie, but it sure as hell wasn't the full truth either. The air was fucking thick with the heady cocktail of her scent, and I could taste it on my tongue without even touching her. My cock was rock hard and straining against my shorts and there wasn't a fucking thing I could do about it.

Her breathing faltered and she squirmed a little against the fridge. Her mouth opened and closed like a fish gasping for air, but she didn't say anything.

No woman had ever had this effect on me. Sure I had wanted women before, and I sure as fuck wanted Bella, the difference was I wanted her to want me back; I wanted her to like me. I craved her approval. I'd be a fucking goner if she rejected me.

"You have to tell me, Bella." I dropped my head only to be faced with her delicate collar bone and it was all I could do not to run my tongue along it. "Jacob will fucking kill me if I put a hand on you without you asking me to." He'd probably fucking kill me anyway, but if she asked me to touch her first, I could die a happy man. She shifted her weight and gripped the edge of the refrigerator sending a magnet flying across the kitchen.

"Paul," she gasped. My name on her lips was like a drug, I wanted to hear her say it again.

_I want to hear her scream it while I bury myself balls deep inside her._

 

 

** Bella's POV **

"Bella?" the steadiness of his voice would have been infuriating if it didn't turn me on so damn much. Each time he said my name it was like he was plucking a string attached directly to my aching center.

"What do you want?" he asked again, pulling his head up so his breath now spilled over the tender spot behind my ear.

There was so much I wanted in that moment.

_What was I supposed to say?_

_His lips?_

_His tongue?_

_His teeth?_

_His hands?_

_His fingers?_

_The rest of him..._

 "You," I breathed, going with the simplest answer coming to mind, because at that moment it became exceedingly clear that I wanted all he could possibly give me.

"You've got to be more specific than that, Bella," he whispered as a tiny groan escaped his parted lips hovering just above the shell of my ear, giving away his own frustration. "Please?"

 

** Paul's POV **

"Please?" I groaned. I had to see her eyes. It was the only way I was going to be sure of her answer, and I had to be sure.

It was written there as plain as if written on a page, I knew what she would say before the words tumbled from her mouth and I was ready for them.

"Kiss me?" she breathed.

It wasn't a request, it was a plea, and I couldn't fucking deny her. So I kissed her.

I kissed her like my life depended on it, and I'm pretty sure it did at that moment. My hands had a mind of their own and before I could catch up I was hauling her to me and pressing her tight against my erection, tangling my hand in her hair, devouring her luscious mouth. Her tiny cool fingers dug into my shoulders.

I'm a greedy bastard and I wanted more. I begged her with my tongue to let me in, and she did. Her soft tongue danced across mine and I became completely unbalanced.

 

** Bella's POV **

"Kiss me?" I begged, his lips crashing down on mine before the words had fully left them. His left hand left the side of the fridge and grabbed me roughly on the hip, arching my back and dragging me flush against him, just where I wanted to be. His right hand slid up the back of my neck to tangle in my hair, holding me where he wanted me.

His hungry mouth was all consuming, the kiss immediately deeper than any I'd experienced before. His tongue lashed across my bottom lip demanding entrance, then slid inside to explore my mouth when I welcomed it. My arms clutched tight to his back holding him to me, my fingers curled around the muscles under the smooth golden skin of his shoulders. The taste of him was intoxicating; dark and sweet and slightly spicy.

Paul was instantly my new favorite flavour.

 

** Paul's POV **

I pulled her head back by her hair and I licked the gorgeous white skin of her throat, starting at that taunting collar bone and ending with a little bite to her earlobe. I kissed back down the length of her neck and found the most glorious spot to bury my nose in the hollow of her throat; her intoxicating aroma was staggering. She shuddered in my arms and moaned.

_She fucking moaned._

The height difference had become a problem; I needed to get her higher or get myself lower. Opting for the latter, I fell to my knees and grabbed her roughly by the ribs, holding her tight as I dragged my face between her perfect tits. I wanted her pert little nipples in my mouth, but I was afraid she was going to stop me any second, and I had to feel her skin on mine before she did. I hooked my hands under her shirt and dragged the thin material up her ribcage to the underside of her breasts; I wanted to rip it off of her.

 

** Bella's POV **

He pushed my shirt up until his thumbs pressed against the under wires of my bra. He sat back enough to bring his face level with the newly exposed skin. He nuzzled into the soft flesh above my diaphragm, dragged open mouth kisses down my body until he stopped at my navel. His hot tongue flicked a small circle around my belly button sending a rush of wetness between my legs, and a pant to my mouth.

His body suddenly stiffened against mine, his arms clamping tight against my sides. "Fuck, Bella!" he crooned against my skin with a sharp intake of breath. "You smell so fucking good."

Before my body or mind had a chance to respond to his declaration, he had bent lower and buried his whole face into the junction of my thighs, his large hands holding my hips firmly. He breathed in deeply and shuddered. It was the single most embarrassing and enthralling moment of my life. I simultaneously wanted to crawl away and hide, and rip my clothes off to better feel his face in my most private area. A deep feral growl rattled in Paul's chest in response, vibrating against my sensitive core.

My body reacted of its own accord and my hips bucked into his face as another lusty moan filled the air from my mouth. "Oh God!" My legs quaked beneath me, and I would have collapsed if not for his firm grasp on my hips. I would probably have bruises but I really couldn't have cared less at that moment.

 

** Paul's POV **

I buried my face in her crotch like the fucking dog I am. My wolf howled deep inside me ripping a guttural growl from my chest.

"Oh God!" she cried out. She fucking moaned again, her legs shaking.

              _I'm a dead man. There's no way I can stop without hearing her make that sound while I pound into her._

_Black is going to fucking murder me...painfully._

I sat back and dragged her to straddle my lap, sitting her directly on my throbbing cock. I pressed up into her, holding her in place by her bare legs and pushed her back against the fridge door. Her hand knit into my hair, and I kissed her so hard her lips would probably be bruised the next day.

Then the worst possible thing happened; my cell phone started ringing in my pocket. It could only be pack business—no one else EVER called me.

_No!_

Whatever it was could wait. We finished the bloodsuckers off last week, and there was no one howling outside, so it wasn't an emergency.

What couldn't wait was my need to touch more of her skin, so I ran my hand under her shirt and held her back as I kissed her. In answer to my silent prayers she started fucking touching me back, and I thought I might explode with the feeling of her hands on me as she ran them over my abs and chest.

The fucking phone started to ring again. "Shit!" I ground out, pulling my mouth reluctantly from her lips and resting my forehead on hers.

I held her in place with my hand on her back—afraid if I let her go she would come to her senses and shut this down—and reached into my pocket to pull out the fucking phone.

** "What?" **

_This better be fucking good._

"There's a pack meeting at my place in ten minutes, Paul. You will be here." Sam's voice shot at me over the line.

_Fuck!_

"I'm kind of in the middle of something here, Sam." I knew it was a long shot, but I had to try. I made the best of my time with Bella in the meantime, bending my nose to her neck. "Can it wait?"

_She smells so fucking good._

"No it can't wait. Ten minutes, Paul," Sam warned.

I really didn't want to push Sam. If I stayed in his good books I could usually swing getting my way, and if things with Bella were to develop I might need to pull some strings. He hadn't directly said anything about Bella, but there was only a slim chance that he didn't know she was here. With our hearing, the wolves could hear her old truck from anywhere on the Rez. I knew if I pushed him now I would just piss him off and still have to pull myself away from her anyway, so I conceded. "Yeah, Okay."

_Why is Sam still talking?_

_If the meeting is in ten minutes I can spend another four here with her and still make it there in time._

"Just a heads up," Sam started up again. "Jacob is on his way to your place. He was pretty adamant that he needed to talk to Bel..." I bolted upright at the mention of Jacob's name, and couldn't help myself from cutting Sam off; so much for keeping on his good side.

 "It's none of his fucking business!" I ground out, my jaw clenched tight.

"He said he needed to check that she was okay alone with you, Paul." Sam finished.

_Fucking Black and his self-righteous double standards!  
             Like he wouldn't be all over Bella himself if she asked him to? I'd seen that much in his mind._

_Only she hasn't asked him; she asked **me**!_

"I played by his rules, Sam." She seemed pretty fucking okay with being alone with me from my perspective. "She's capable of making her own decisions." I could tell by looking at her that she knew we were talking about her, but she didn't make a move to pull away from me at all.

"I want you both here for this meeting, Paul. Don't provoke him. You're in no shape to be getting into a fight with Jacob right now," Sam warned. It wasn't a direct order, but there was no mistaking from his tone that it was an instruction. 

"Yeah," I said with a sigh. I hung up and put the phone on the floor. I had roughly two minutes to keep touching Bella; to have her keep touching me.

"You have to go?" She asked with a shaky voice. I put my hand to her face; I didn't know if it would calm her, but it helped me.

"Yeah." What was I supposed to tell her? That her best friend was coming to kick my ass?

_Yeah, somehow I don't think that will sit well with her._

"Pack meeting," I decided on simplicity.

How was I supposed to just walk away from her when she was running her hands all over me? I had to touch her too; her skin. Thank God for warm summer days and shorts. I held her thigh and traced light circles over her skin with my thumb.

"Can you wait here for me?" I asked before I even had a chance to think it through.

_Wishful fucking thinking Lahote!_

She closed her eyes and shook her head like she was trying to clear her mind, and her hair spilled out around her shoulders.

_Fuck. I want to lose myself in this girl and never surface._

She looked over my head, at the clock probably. "I can't," she sighed. "Charlie," she said to explain. Of course. She had a family to go to, even if it was just her and Charlie; she didn't need me.

"Okay," I sighed. I couldn't hide the disappointment in my voice.

_Fucking pathetic, Lahote! She probably can't wait to get out of here.  
             She's going to run right to Black and forget all about you the second she's out the door._

I wanted to ask her if she was okay; if she was sorry about coming here; if she wanted me the way I wanted her. "Are you..." the words caught in my throat.

_Of course she doesn't fucking want you.  
             She's only here because she feels like she owes you something; feels sorry for you._

I had to look away from her. I wouldn't be able to stand it if I saw pity in her eyes.

She grabbed my face and yanked hard to force me to bring my eyes back to meet hers; giving me hope that maybe there would be more there after all.

"Can we talk later?" I asked.

Fuck! I really had to get a grasp on the filter between my brain and my mouth.

"Yes." she agreed without pause.

_Oh. Well, that was unexpected._

As if on cue, I heard Black storm up the driveway and stop short of the front steps. Even if he didn't have the keen senses to know she was in the house by scent or sound, her truck was parked in the driveway; it wasn't like she was hiding the fact that she was there from anyone. That should have been a sign to him, but Black wasn't really known for reading Bella's signs all that well.

"Jacob's out front," I told her. It was only fair that she knew what was waiting for her.

She sighed, her shoulders sagging against the fridge door.

"I'll talk to him," she said after a deep breath.

This girl was either really brave or really fucking stupid. Black wouldn't hurt her though, not physically anyway. If I went out the back, she could talk to him and I could put off being murdered until after the pack meeting at least. I just had to kiss her hot little mouth once more first.

I felt like a drowning man clinging to a life raft in a storm. Her mouth was soft and sweet and I wanted to stay right there forever, but Sam had made himself pretty fucking clear. I stood up holding her to me until I would really be pushing my luck to make it to Sam's on time. I put her on her feet and held her hips until I knew she wouldn't topple over; that girl could hurt herself like no one I had ever met! 

"I'll talk to you later?" I just had to be sure she wanted to talk to me. I grabbed my phone from the floor and left out the back door leaving a last kiss on those soft lips.

_What the fuck is going through your head, Lahote?_  
             You really think a girl like that will be happy with someone like you?  
             You are going to fuck it up just like you fuck everything up.  
             You should just let her walk away.  
             You're not good enough for her, and you know it.


	15. Fallout

** Paul's POV **

I walked along the trail that led along the edge of the forest behind my house toward Sam and Emily's place. The pack usually met in their backyard, and I knew I could make it there from my place in just less than six minutes. Sam had said the meeting would be in ten minutes when he called, and in all likelihood he would be timing me. If he knew Black was going to my place to talk to Bella, then there was basically no chance that he didn't know there was something going on between her and I. Hell, I wasn't even sure what was going on between us; but, I was pretty sure Sam knew there was something.

As soon as I walked around the corner of the house and into the backyard, I realized Sam had played me. There was no fucking pack meeting! He was the only one there; sitting in a lawn chair with his back turned to me.

"So, I guess I'm the first one here then, huh?" I spat, unable to hide my anger at not only being pulled away from Bella, but at being lied to by my Alpha as well.

"They'll be along in a while," he said calmly, looking over his shoulder at me. "I wanted to talk to you before everyone else got here. Sit." He gestured to a chair near his.

I collapsed in the chair and leaned back, kicking my legs out in front of me. I tipped my head back and ran my hands over my face and through my hair with an exasperated sigh, before looking back to him.

"What's on your mind, Sam?" I asked. Any time he ever wanted to talk to one of us alone usually meant some big heart to heart was needed, in his opinion. Not like it fucking made a difference, the rest of the pack would find out whatever the issue was the next time we were all phased anyway.

"You want to tell me what's going on between you and Bella?" he asked. He looked at me expectantly.

_I guess we're going to just get straight to the point._

"Not sure there's really anything to tell."

"I can smell her all over you, Paul," he stated simply.

"Yeah, I suppose you probably can," I said with a shrug. I wasn't trying to be flippant, but what did he want me to say? If he hadn't called, I'd probably be fucking her up against my fridge right now. I doubted that's really what he wanted to hear. If I had been thinking more clearly I probably would have tried to clean up before coming to a meeting with the rest of the pack, but that would have meant pulling myself away from her sooner, which I wasn’t willing to do. I secretly loved the fact that her scent still lingered on me.

"You know how Jacob feels about her," he admonished.

"Yeah, I do, and he knows how she feels about him too, Sam," I snapped. I was sick to death of Black's pining over Bella. She'd already told him she didn't want him and he'd told her he was cool with just being friends. That didn't seem to stop him from fantasizing about her all the fucking time, or the rest of us from having to see it in his mind. Now I knew that he didn't even know anything about her, not the real her anyway.

"Curb the attitude," Sam warned. "Why Bella? You can have any girl you want without even trying. Why chase after her?" He wasn't pissed off at me; he just seemed honestly curious.

_Why Bella?_

_Because the smell of her makes me pant like a fucking dog?_

_Because her touch makes me instantly rock hard?_

_Because she made me **want**  to try? _

Sam didn't really need to know any of that. I shrugged again, looking at him. "Because I want her," I answered, trying to prove my indifference.

"Paul, if you're doing this just to piss Jacob off, don't," Sam warned with a frustrated sigh.

"He's got nothing to do with it."

"Then why, Paul?" Sam looked at me intently, trying to see something in my reaction that might give some clue as to what I was thinking.

"I can't really say." I worked like hell to keep my face and posture neutral. I didn't know what was going on with Bella and I myself, and I wasn't about to let my guard down with Sam until I figured it out.

"You didn't imprint on her, did you?" he asked skeptically.

"No, Sam. I didn't fucking imprint on her!" It was no secret that I hated the idea of imprinting; loathed the idea of having my whole existence focused around one person without having a choice in it.

"You've got to give me something, here. Jacob is going to be out for your blood once he gets a whiff of you, and we can't have the pack torn apart over a girl all over again." Sam said with a sigh, obviously remembering the mess the pack had been in when Leah had first phased and learned the real reason that he had dumped her for her cousin Emily.

"She doesn't want him, and the faster he gets that through his thick fucking skull, the happier we'll all be," I snapped back at Sam. I was losing my temper. I didn't care if Black came after me or not, but the idea of him still trying to get with Bella made my blood boil. It didn't make any sense to me at all that I should feel so possessive over her, but I didn't want anyone touching her but me.

The sound of voices coming around the house as the others started to arrive broke the tension that had grown in the little backyard.

"Just think about what you're doing and why you're doing it before things go too far. Okay Paul?" Sam said with an air of finality. He ultimately was leaving the situation up to me to figure out. "You better sit downwind of everyone, too, if you want any chance of keeping this quiet at all," he laughed, indicating a place across the informal circle of chairs with a nod of his head. It was times like this that made me respect Sam as Alpha. He let us make own mistakes and would be there to help us out of them if he needed to. He hated to take our will away from us by laying down commands unless there was any way he could help it.

"I've got nothing to hide," I said as Quil and Embry rounded the corner of the house laughing, but I stood up and made my way to the far chair anyway. There was no benefit to me in having the whole pack up in my business; especially since I wasn't even sure what my business with Bella was yet.

The rest of the pack, except Jacob, flowed into the yard and slowly sat down, ready for the meeting. Seth took the seat closest to me with a stupid smile on his face; that kid was always so fucking happy.

"Hey, Paul! Good to see you, man. How are you..." his friendly banter stopped abruptly, as he reached over to bump my shoulder with his fist. His eyebrows shot up into his hairline, and the smile fell from his face as a shocked look overtook it.

"Whoa! Dude?" he questioned, clearly having caught Bella's scent on me.

"Shut it, Clearwater, or I'll shut it for you!" I barked at him, making sure he understood the matter was not up for discussion.

** Bella's POV **

After a few cleansing breaths and making sure my clothes and hair were in order, I made my way out the front door of Paul's house to face the music, or Jacob as it were.

I knew as soon as I opened the door there would be no denying my tryst with Paul only moments ago in the kitchen. Jacob was angrier than I had ever seen him; if I hadn't been angry myself over the interruption and Jake's ridiculous need to protect me, I may have been frightened. Instead, I slammed the door and stalked across the porch to where he waited at the bottom of the stairs.

"What are you doing here, Jacob?" I spat. The difference in our height was cancelled out by the stairs between us and I was able to look him in the eye. It gave me confidence.

"I should be the one asking you that, Bella," he shot back.

"How is that any of your business?" I asked him, my voice rising in frustration.

"What happens to you on the Reservation  **is**  my business," he snapped, climbing the stairs to close the distance between us and forcing me to take a step back. He loomed over me.

"You're not my father!" I shouted up at him.  "In case you forgot, I'm an adult; I get to make my own choices now, Jake." Having the advantage of looking him in the eye took some of my fire away. I just wanted him to get out of my way so I could leave.

_Why is there always a bloody wolf blocking my exit path?_

"You reek of him," he sneered, leaning into me and inhaling. I hated when the wolves sniffed me on a good day, but having Jacob do it with such disdain was more than I could take.

"Then don't smell me," I bit out, pushing him aside and walking down the stairs toward my truck. Jacob had become so accustomed to compensating for his strength, or my lack of, from all the time we spent together, that he let me pass when I knew he could have easily stood his ground in front of me.

"Don't you think you've done enough for him, Bella?" he asked, following me down the stairs. "You've shown your gratitude already. Are you going to fuck him to show him how thankful you are that he did his  **job**!" he shouted after me sarcastically.

I rounded on him, my fury boiling to the surface again.

"No, I'm going to fuck him because I want to!" I yelled up into his face. His eye widened in shock, either over my use of vulgarity, which was rare, or over the admission of my desire for Paul itself. My confession had shocked me, so I wasn't the least bit surprised it had stunned Jacob as well.

"Bella?" he asked unbelievingly.

"How dare you, Jacob Black? It's not your place to tell me who I can spend my time with," I turned back to my truck, my hand trembled with anger as I reached for the door handle, "or how I spend it," I finished, wrenching the door open with a loud metal groan.

"He's not good enough for you, Bells," Jacob sighed, his anger flushed out of him with either disbelief or disappointment, I couldn't tell which.

I turned to look at him again before I climbed up behind the wheel of the truck. "Tell me Jacob, who do you think is good enough for me?"

He didn't have a reply, just a blank sad look on his face.

I shook my head, disappointed in my supposed best friend, and pulled the truck door closed.

I put the key in the ignition and turned it; the truck roared to life cutting off Jacob's reply. He was standing outside the door looking in at me, his expression unreadable. I rolled the window down and gave him an expectant look, but he didn't repeat himself.

I sighed, and finally said, "Call me when you're ready to talk to me like a friend and not an angry, overprotective parent, Jacob." With that I put the truck in reverse and backed out, causing him to take several steps back. I pulled out of the driveway in front of Paul's little green house and headed back to Forks.

By the time I had cooled down after my argument with Jacob, I was already half way back to Forks. As the anger faded, the memory of what had caused it in the first place drifted back into the forefront of my mind; Paul—more specifically—kissing Paul. If I were honest, that had been more than simply kissing; if we hadn't been interrupted it would likely have escalated to much more.

As much as the memory of Paul's lips and hands on me stirred the pooling heat within me again, I knew that I wasn't ready to take that next step with him or anyone...yet.

Kissing Paul had been like no other sensation I had experienced before; certainly not kissing Edward, or even kissing Jacob. Kissing Edward had been reserved and controlled, despite my trying to spice things up. He had said he was afraid of losing control and hurting me, or worse; just another way that he had controlled me. Kissing Jacob was better than kissing Edward, by far. He was warm and comfortable, but I could always feel that he was holding himself back with me as well. The few times we had kissed when we had tried to be a couple were gentle and sweet and he let me decide how far things would go; which was a new experience for me.

It was nothing like kissing Paul. Where Jacob had been gentle, Paul was rough; Jake calm and understanding of my limits, Paul demanding and greedy. Kissing Jake had never stirred the response in me that kissing Paul did this afternoon; and if I were honest, that was why I had decided dating wasn't the best idea for Jake and me.  I didn't feel anything more for him than platonic affection.

So where did that leave Paul and I? I knew he wasn't the 'dating' type. I'd never seen him with the same girl more than once; and he was often seen with a girl if I thought about it. His reputation certainly hinted at his undiscerning taste in women, too. Neither of which had any effect on how it felt when he finally kissed me, or how he pulled me against him, and pressed his erection into me. His touch was electric and addictive. His mouth was hot and sweet and delicious. Just thinking about it was enough to raise my pulse; neither Edward nor Jacob had ever had that effect on me.


	16. Peace of the Pack

** Paul's POV **

Black stormed into Sam's backyard with a storm cloud of rage hanging over him about ten minutes after the meeting started. He sat in the empty chair on Sam's right—my usual place—and fucking glared at me like he was trying to kill me with just a look for the entire meeting. I met his stare defiantly. I wasn't ashamed of what had happened between Bella and I, and I wasn't fucking sorry either.

I played by exactly the same rules he had set out for himself when it came to Bella; I didn't touch her until she had asked me to—begged me to was more like. It wasn't my problem she hadn't asked him, that she'd never touched him the way she touched me, not even when they had 'dated' briefly. What a fucking joke that was. Black played out every touch and kiss of their brief relationship in agonizing fucking detail. She was never into him; we could all see it except for him.

I sat and thought about what Sam had said all the way through the pack meeting. I couldn't explain why I wanted Bella—not even to myself—and I sure as hell couldn't think of what she would possibly want with me, unless she was just looking to dispose of her virginity. I could help her out with that, no problem, but something about what had happened in the kitchen didn't feel like that's what she was after. The girl hardly had a handle on what her own body was trying to tell her, I doubted very much that she had thought this through any more than I had.

              _Then what the fuck is going on?_

Sam had warned me to think about what I was doing before it went too far because it could cause problems in the pack; specifically, Black would fucking kill me, or least maim me.

When it came right down to it, was I ready to rip the pack apart over a chick?

Jacob was practically my brother. Sure, he was a self-righteous fuck, but he was pack, and pack should come first. It's not like I had fucking imprinted on her or anything like that. I hadn't, I just wanted her. Maybe if Black hadn't been filling all of our heads with what he wanted to do to Bella, I wouldn't be going through this.

She was the first chick I'd ever been involved with that made me really consider what might happen after I'd fucked her—I was usually out the door as soon as the condom came off—or whether I was going to get the opportunity to fuck her in the first place.

Bella was different.

I wanted to get to know her; I wanted her to get to know me. Fuck, I'd already spilled my guts to her; she knew shit about me that nobody else did, not even my pack brothers. Even considering that, I wanted her to stick around, but I knew I couldn't hope for that. It wouldn't be long before she figured out I was a no good piece of shit like my old man, and send me packing.

By the time the pack meeting was almost over, I'd come to the conclusion that messing around with Bella wasn't worth the trouble. I wasn't willing to risk peace in the pack so I could fuck her just to have her turn around and ditch me afterwards.

It would be better if I just ended things before they got too heavy. I'd go and talk to her after the meeting was finished—if Black didn't kill me first—and tell her that this thing, whatever the fuck it was, couldn't happen. We'd just go back to ignoring each other; or more likely, I'd avoid her like I did all the other chicks I'd been with.

Sam sent Jacob off on patrol with Brady as soon as the meeting was finished. I thought for sure that he'd have to order him to do it, but clearly he needed the run, he practically vibrated through the whole meeting. I wasn't expecting that to go as smoothly as it did. I knew I'd have to face him at some point, but by then I would have talked to Bella and ended things, he'd have to at least appreciate that. Despite our differences, we were pack, and I really wouldn't do anything to hurt him intentionally; I just hoped he thought the same way.

The rest of the pack cleared out, or went in the house to snag some of whatever Emily had cooking in the kitchen, but I hung back to talk to Sam.

"Thanks for getting Jacob out of here," I said, moving back to the chair next to him.

"He was scheduled later anyway, and you really don't need another beating right now," he said with a cheerless laugh and shaking his head. "He's pissed Paul, I hope you figure out what you're doing soon, and sort it out with him." Sam stood up and turned toward the house. "Are you coming in? I think Emily's making meatloaf," he asked, turning back to me.

"No, I've got to go talk to Bella," I said with a sigh and ran my hand through my hair. It made me remember the feel of Bella's hands clutching fistfuls of my hair and sent a shiver down my spine. "Can I borrow your truck? Probably best if I don't phase while Jacob's out there until after I talk to her."

"Sure," he said, "the keys are in the visor." He headed toward the back door. "Will you come and talk to me when you get back?"

"Yeah, thanks Sam." It was times like this, when I had really fucked up, that I was thankful that Sam was still Alpha and that Jacob hadn't stepped up yet. This whole situation would be a whole lot messier if he had.

 

* * *

 

 

I stopped by the house to snag a shirt and a pair of shoes before heading into Forks to talk to Bella. I could have asked Emily for her number and called her, but it didn't seem right to do this over the phone; besides, if I was being honest with myself, I wanted to see her. I knew it was best to just put an end to this whole mess before it got out of hand like Sam said, but that didn't mean I couldn't enjoy the view one last time.

I pulled a clean shirt over my head, ran my hands through my hair, and remembered the feeling of Bella's tiny fists in my hair again.

_Fuck, pull it together._

Shaking my head I went to the kitchen to get my wallet off the table, the last thing I needed was to get pulled over without my licence, especially if it were Chief Swan; he'd love that I'm sure. There on the kitchen table next to my wallet sat the container of peanut butter cookies that Bella had brought over earlier; the cookies that had essentially started the whole ball rolling. I'd spilled my guts to her about my folks over peanut butter cookies, somehow I'd trusted her with some of my darkest secrets and she hadn't thrown them back in my face. No, instead she made me more cookies. I pried the top off the plastic container, the delicious smell of the cookies filling the kitchen, and popped one into my mouth before returning the lid and leaving the house.

_Fucking delicious, just like her.  
             This is going to suck._

* * *

 

I was used to getting to the Swan residence through the woods from being on protection duty when the leeches were after Bella, but it didn't take me long to find the right street once I got into town. I parked across the street and sat in the truck for a second. I'd had half an hour on the drive from the Rez to figure out what I was going to say to her and still didn't have a fucking clue. I'd never dated anyone before so I sure as hell hadn't ever had to dump anyone. Bella and I weren't dating, but what I was about to do was pretty much the same thing as breaking up with her. Thinking it was best just to get it over with; I took a deep breath and made my way across the street to her front porch.

Charlie's police cruiser was in the driveway next to Bella's old red truck, and I could tell that they were both in the house. The chief was watching TV and Bella was in the kitchen cleaning up after dinner. I took another deep breath and knocked on the door twice.

"I'll get it, Dad," I heard her call out, her voice getting louder as she walked toward the door, which opened a second later.

Her heart rate jumped as soon as she saw me standing on the other side of the door, her eyes widened and a wave of nervousness rolled off her. Her hair hung damp around her and she was wearing different clothes than she had been earlier. She'd taken a shower. She didn't smell like me anymore. It was as though my scent had never been on her at all; like nothing had happened between us. I wanted to rub myself against her and coat her with my scent like an animal marking his territory. I wanted to mark her as mine.

              _But she isn't yours._

'Hi," she breathed uncertainly.

"Hey," I answered her with a tight-lipped nod.

She stared at me a moment more before stepping out onto the porch and closing the door behind her.

"I thought you'd call," she said, looking up at me and twisting her fingers together in front of her.

"I don't have your number." I'm sure she knew just as well as I did that it wouldn't have been hard to get it, but she only nodded without saying anything. "Take a walk with me?" I asked, turning to walk back down the porch steps.

She hesitated for a moment, and I didn't think she was going to follow me. I remembered, too late, that the fucking leech had taken her for a walk the day he left her in the woods. I was about to turn around when she followed me.

Neither of us said anything for a few minutes, we just walked slowly down the street in front of her house. She continued to fidget nervously with her fingers and I had to put my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching out and taking her hand to stop her.

"Did you see Jacob at the pack meeting?" she asked finally after we were half way down her block.

"Yeah," I said with a huffed laugh. "I'm not exactly his favourite person right now."

"No, me neither," she confessed. I could hear the anger and sadness mixed in her voice.

              _What the fuck did he say to her?_

I turned to face her so abruptly that she had to put her hand out to stop herself from crashing into me. Her cool fingers landed briefly on my arm and sent a jolt through me.

I decided to just be blunt with her and tell it like it was. "Bella, this can't happen," I said, motioning my hand between us.

Her brows knit together slightly in confusion, and then she dropped her eyes from mine and bit her lip. She gave a tiny nod before releasing her lip from her teeth and whispering "okay."

I could tell that wasn't how she had hoped our conversation would go, and I almost took the words back instantly. Her shoulders slumped and she wrapped her arms around her waist as she folded herself into as close of an approximation of a protective ball as she could while still standing upright. I fought with myself not to reach out and comfort her as the scent of sadness and embarrassment poured of off her. I wanted to pull her into my arms and tell her I didn't mean it, but I couldn't. I had to shut this down for the good of the pack even though I could practically taste how rejected she was feeling.

"What did you expect to happen between us anyway?" I asked, my voice sounding much harsher than I intended. I was honestly curious, and maybe a little hopeful despite having decided nothing could happen.

She still didn't look up at me; I wanted to lift her head so I could see her face. I wanted to replace her teeth with my own on her bottom lip as she lightly bit it.

"I..." she started to say something but stopped again to draw in a deep shuddering breath. Finally, she looked up at me with those deep chocolate eyes.

"It doesn't really matter, does it?" she said quickly and quietly, accepting the rejection. I wanted to tell her I wasn't rejecting her, but the complicated situation that our being together would cause. It was more trouble than I thought I could deal with. But the way she looked at me, I wanted to just pull her to me and never let her go. Fuck, I wanted her. I didn't even understand what it was about her, but it didn't change anything.

_Stick to the plan, Lahote._

"No, I guess it doesn't." I pursed my lips and shook my head. She sighed heavily and then I did, too.

"Well, um...thanks for coming to tell me then," she sighed again and turned to walk back toward her house. I followed; it was either that or stand in the middle of the block like an idiot.

When we were back at her driveway, she turned around before climbing the front steps.

"See you around, I guess," she said sadly and turned to go inside.

I couldn't stand that I had made her feel like that...again. I reached out and grabbed her elbow as she reached the porch, and turned her back around, clearing the three stairs in one step to stand beside her. She was close enough that her scent flooded over me, and when she looked up at me in surprise, I was lost.

"Can we forget what I just said?" I breathed, suddenly gasping for air. I moved my hand from her arm to her hip but fought the urge to touch her any further. I wanted her, and apparently, I was willing to risk the peace of the pack if she wanted me back, but I needed her to say that she wanted me first. I could hear her heart pounding, and her throat click at she swallowed down her shock. "That's not what I really want."

"Paul?" she gasped my name, and so much hung on that one word question. I felt compelled to tell her every thought I'd had since she showed up at my house that afternoon—since before then even. The way she looked at me made me hopeful that she might feel a little of what I was feeling too; I had to ask.

"Bella, do you want to ignore what happened this afternoon? Do you want to pretend it didn't happen at all?" I was short of breath and couldn’t help clenching my teeth waiting for her to answer.

"I can't," she whispered.

_She can't?_  
             I'm done for.  
             Fuck, tell me...please. 

"I don't want to," Her eyes searched mine hopefully. Once she started talking the words kept flowing. "I've never felt like that before. I can't forget that feeling, Paul." She twisted her fingers nervously in front of her. "I don't know what I want to happen between us, but things can't go back to how they used to be; not for me. That scares me, a lot; but not as much having to ignore what happened today." Her eyes continued to search for an answer in mine.

"Scares you?" I asked, still fighting to hold myself back; I needed to be sure. The idea that I scared her helped to hold me back.

"I'm scared of how reckless you make me feel; out of control," she explained.

_God, it fucking scares me too._

"I'm afraid of things going too far too fast; of losing myself in the moment with you. I'm afraid that I want to." Her cheeks flushed pink, but she didn't move her eyes from mine. We had gradually drifted closer together and her fingers were lightly twisting in the front of my shirt. Her breathing was shallow and her lips were parted. I stared as she ran her tongue over her lips; I wanted to taste them for myself.

"Bella, I need you to think about what you want." I raised my hand to her face and lightly pushed her hair away from her face. I was losing the battle with my will power and I didn't want to push her if she was scared. "I'll call you tomorrow, and we can talk, okay?"

She nodded; her eyes flicked to my mouth as I mirrored her nervous habit and bit my lip.

"I'm going to go," I breathed, "but I am going to kiss you first." I waited a beat for her to protest and when she didn't I bent my mouth to hers and drew her lip into my mouth, replacing her teeth with mine like I had wanted to earlier. She slipped her hand around my neck and sighed, parting her lips and granting my tongue access to explore her mouth. I could hear Charlie moving around inside, and knew that he'd probably have a coronary if he were to look out the window and see me devouring his daughter on the front porch. I remembered her saying she was afraid of going too fast and losing herself, so I somehow reined myself in and kept my hands from roaming freely over her body.

Instead, I placed my right hand on her neck and ran my thumb along her jaw. I tucked the fingers of my left into her front pocket and snagged her cell phone that I had noticed there earlier. She gasped and pulled away, but I kept her jaw in my hand and ran my thumb up to brush over her full lower lip. I flipped the phone open and dialed my own number, hanging up after the first ring in my own pocket, ensuring we had each other's digits. I slipped the phone back into the pocket of her jeans and let my thumb linger there for just a brief moment.

I landed another chaste kiss on her mouth, turned without a word, and walked across the street to Sam's truck without looking back.


	17. Better Than Coffee

** Bella's POV **

Mrs. Newton had a strict policy about cell phones on the sales floor, so I hadn't checked my phone since my shift started. When I fished it out of my purse on the way to my truck I saw one missed call and a text message waiting for me, both from Paul. I smiled to myself as I clicked through to the text.

             I have to run. Meet me at Forks Coffee Shop at 8:00?

The pack was always careful not to leave anything too specific that might give them away in a text message; it was something I had learned from spending so much time with Jacob. So I knew that Paul meant he was busy with his pack duties this afternoon. I texted him back to let him know I would be there, climbed in my truck and headed for home.

* * *

 

I met him at the diner like he asked me to. He was already sitting in a booth near the back when I got there, and he raised his head when I walked in. A nervous smile twitched on my lips, and I walked quickly over to him after dropping my eyes from his. I sat down across from him and before I was even settled, he tucked his bent finger under my chin and pulled my face up to meet his.

"Don't hide," he said shaking his head, his arched eyebrows knit together in thought.

I felt my cheeks flush, and his face relaxed.

"Sorry," I breathed.

"What did I tell you about that? Don't apologize; just keep your head up." He had let his hand fall and he pulled it back to his own side of the table. "I want to see your face," he explained quietly. I smiled again nervously. He wasn't lecturing me, it was more like a request that I couldn't help but heed.

Brenda, who had worked at the diner as long as I could remember, came over shortly after I sat down and smiled at us both, giving me raised eyebrows of approval after thoroughly looking Paul over. She had always been friendly to me when I was in with Charlie. She filled our coffee cups from the carafe she carried and asked if we'd like anything else; we both declined.

I slowly stirred a spoonful of sugar into my cup as Paul watched me carefully. He leaned back in the booth seat and held his coffee cup with light fingers around the edge between both of his hands, his forearms resting on the edge of the table, his chin tucked into his chest slightly,  his eyes focused on his black coffee. He looked at me through his thick eyelashes as I took a sip of my coffee; it was strong and bitter and tasted like it had been made hours ago.

"Is it as bad as it smells?" he asked, the corners of his mouth lifted in an amused smirk.

"It's not good," I laughed; the nervous tension that had been thick in the air between us fell away.

He leaned forward, moving his cup to the end of the table and catching Brenda's eye where she stood behind the counter. He raised his eyebrows at me in question before reaching his hand out to the cup in front of me, moving it next to his, and gave me a smile that made my heart skip a beat.

"Did you decide to order something after all?" Brenda asked, stepping up to our table.

"Yeah," he said turning to her. "The coffee is fucking terrible, so we're going to have milkshakes instead. Strawberry," he pointed his finger into his own chest and then over to me, paired with another questioning look.

"Um...chocolate?" I laughed, looking back to Brenda with an apologetic look.

"Sure," she said picking up the coffee cups before turning toward the counter again.

"Strawberry?" I asked him, still smiling.

** Paul's POV **

  _Yeah, strawberry, but it will be a pale fucking comparison to the way you smell, Girlie.  
             ...the way you taste._

I shrugged, not willing to put all my cards on the table just yet.

Fuck, that smile on her face was killing me; I wanted to kiss those pink lips. I watched her until her lips relaxed and she nervously took the lower one between her teeth.

_Oh hell, I want to bite that lip, just for a start..._

Her eyes broke away from mine, and drifted down to the table, before she dipped her head down; her cheeks flushing pink.

"Hey," I said, hooking my finger under her chin again, just as the waitress came back with the shakes.

She pulled her glass toward her, eager for the distraction from her embarrassment it seemed. She picked up the straw between the tips of her index finger and thumb and bent her lips to it, taking a small sip. She pulled her head back, a small drop of the sweet treat on her bottom lip. She wiped her finger across it and sucked it off, making my cock ache.

"Much better than the coffee," she said with a smile.

I watched as she took another tiny drink from the straw, her tongue darting out to catch the drip this time. I reached out and took her glass, drinking from her straw just to taste her lips. She gave me that smile again that made me hard instantly.

              _Fuck, you're pathetic._

"So, what did you come up with?" I asked, not able to wait any longer to know if she'd changed her mind. I partly wished she had and that she was going to make it easy on me—and the rest of the pack—but not as much as I wanted her to say she wanted me like I wanted her.

She licked her lips again; fuck she was torturing me.

"Nothing’s changed," she whispered, lowering her eyes briefly, but raising them to mine again a moment later before I could make her look at me again. "Not for me anyway," she added and stirred her shake nervously.

"Are you still afraid?"

She nodded, still looking at her hands fidgeting with the straw. I reached out to still them and she looked up at me.

"Of me?"

"No!" she gasped. "Not of you." She shook her head vehemently.

"You want to try this, then?" I asked hopefully, motioning between us.

"Yeah," she breathed and nodded.

"Good." I couldn't help the grin that spread over my face.

              _Way to keep your cool, Lahote._

She blushed again, and smiled, and blushed some more. And all I wanted to do in that moment was to run my nose over her face and down her throat and find out how far down the pink reached.

** Bella’s POV **

After a few minutes of sitting quietly, both of us sipping our milkshakes, we started talking. It was a little stilted at first, but soon we were both chatting and sharing with each other easily.

We talked more about the pack and how they related to each other. I learned that Paul and Jared had been best friends since they were in grade school, but since Jared imprinted on Kim, he'd essentially become a different person. They never did anything together unless the whole pack was involved. I could tell that Paul viewed the very idea of imprinting with contempt. Whenever he spoke of either of the imprinted couples there was an edge of anger in his voice and tension in his body.

We also talked about school. Paul said that phasing had really put a kink in his plans to go away to University. He had planned to apply to U-Dub in Seattle and Washington State in Pullman next year; he'd been interested in becoming an architect, but becoming a protector to the pack had put an end to that dream. Patrols and the commitment to the Tribe had resulted in his grades slipping; which, coupled with his tarnished permanent record, would make it hard for him to get into a good school even if he weren't tied to the Reservation. I wondered if that would be the case forever since the threat of vampires living in the area had been removed when the Cullens moved away last fall. I hoped that maybe he'd be able to go to college one day after all. He didn't seem hopeful when I brought it up though.

The conversation turned to previous dating histories after the Cullens came up.

"So, you didn't have a boyfriend before the leech?" he asked bluntly. My non-existent history used to be a source of shame for me, but his cavalier attitude didn't make me cringe.

"No," I said simply, shaking my head.

"Not even back in Phoenix?" he said disbelievingly, raising an eyebrow at me.

"Nope."

"Why not?" He seemed amused that I'd never dated anyone.

"I didn’t really have a chance, I guess. I was sort of the parent in the house with my mom, and I kept to myself at school, so I never really met anyone," I explained with a shrug.

He sat quietly for a minute, a question on his face that I could tell he was debating if he should ask or not.

"What?" I finally prodded him.

"I know that you and Jacob never had sex," he started. "Pack mind," he explained after I visibly cringed at his statement.

I could feel my face flush in response, but I shook my head, confirming that we hadn't. I made sure that I kept eye contact with him.

He clenched his jaw before finally just asking what was clearly plaguing him. "And not with the fucking bloodsucker either, right?"

I had thought that might be where the conversation was going. He'd told me last week that he wasn't interested in Edward's leftovers, and despite his saying that he didn't mean it, I knew my ‘relationship’ with Edward was something that still bothered him.

"No. Edward barely touched me; he was afraid to even kiss me."

"Good," he breathed, as intensity filled his eyes staring back at me. The way he was looking at me stirred a warmth in the pit of my stomach; his gaze was heated and feral.

"What about you?" I asked finally, needing a distraction from the arousal building inside me.

He huffed a small laugh before answering, "Charlie already warned you about me, remember?" he said with a smirk.

"So, your...uh…reputation...is deserved?"I asked quietly, suddenly feeling inadequate again.

"Some of it," he shrugged. “Some is rumours and exaggerations.”

"But you've dated quite a few women, right?"

He laughed again, more heartily this time, and shook his head. "I don't date, Bella." He paused before continuing "But, yeah, I've been around." He looked at me unapologetically. I wasn't sure how to respond to his forthright confession.

"Not as many as the good ol' rumour mill would have your Dad or the rest of town believe, but rumours stem from truth right?" he said, pursing his lips and looking me right in the eye.

He was quiet a moment and his face softened before he continued. "Is that going to be a deal breaker for you?" he asked quietly. "I've always been safe, and I'm clean...I can get Sue to run tests if you want, but the pack is practically disease proof," he added.

I shook my head. I didn't need him to prove anything to me; I had been ready to give him everything just yeaterday, despite all that I had heard about him, and I knew the wolves didn’t get sick. My desire to be with him was so powerful it scared me, but I had just heard him say he didn't date, and it made my blood run cold.

"You don't date?" I asked quietly to confirm what he’d said. I wanted more than just a physical relationship with Paul; certainly more than a single sexual encounter. I had thought he felt the same.

He waited a moment before answering; his eyes flicking between mine searching for something.

"Not before this one," he confessed.       

              _Oh! Is this a date?_

"I guess this is our first date, isn't it?"  It hadn’t occurred to me that this was a date before he said that, but the idea filled me with hope.

"Yeah," he said nodding. I hadn't realized I'd looked away from him until he reached over to lift my chin again, his finger and thumb lingering a moment before he pulled his hand away.

"Do I get to kiss you goodnight when I bring you home?" His voice was just above a whisper and he licked his lips suggestively. It sent a shiver down my spine.

I couldn't form words to answer, but bit my lip and nodded almost imperceptibly.

It was only shortly after that, that Brenda came over to let us know the diner would be closing soon. I had been so wrapped up in conversation with Paul that I hadn’t noticed we were the only people in the restaurant besides Brenda and the cook.

** Paul’s POV **

She hardly argued at all when I told her I was driving her home. It wouldn't have mattered anyway; I liked her feisty just as much and I would have still driven her home in the end even if she had put up a fuss. I told her I'd walk back for Jared's car after I dropped her off.

"You do have a driver's licence, right?" she asked as I climbed in behind the wheel. She had that devious little grin on her face and it was making me hard. I just nodded in response.

"C'mere," I said patting the bench seat next to me. She'd been sitting across the table from me the whole night and I had hardly been able to touch her; I wanted her close.

She slid across the seat until she was next to me. I leaned over her until my nose was next to her ear and drew in a deep lungful of her mouth-watering scent. Her heart gave a little flutter, and it was all I could do not to kiss her senseless right there in front of the diner. I reached around her hip and clipped the lap belt in place.

"Safety first," I said forcing myself away from her.

I started the engine, pulled out of the diner's parking lot, and headed toward her house. I felt at peace with myself for the first time in over a week. I'd had my share of bullshit inner turmoil, but this last week had been a nightmare. I knew the fallout from tonight was going to cause problems in the pack—hell the problems had already started—but I was willing to face them, because Bella was willing to take a chance on me. Nobody had taken a chance on me, ever; I just needed to keep myself in check and not fuck it up.

I pulled her beast of a truck into the driveway in front of her house and cut the engine after putting it in park. The light in the living room was still on, and I could see the bluish flicker of the television behind the curtains; her old man had waited up for her.

I got out of the truck and helped her out behind me. We walked slowly up the driveway to the front porch and up the stairs. She'd already told me I could kiss her goodnight, but she was nervous; she was fidgeting and her heart was pounding.

Before she turned to face me, I reminded myself for the hundredth time to take it slow and not freak her out, but as soon as I bent down and my lips touched hers I knew it was going to be a battle. She raised her hand and placed it around my neck and pulled herself up to meet me with gusto.

I struggled to keep it gentle and quick, but when she pressed up against me I was gone again. I devoured her mouth and backed her up until she was pressed against the door. Charlie wouldn't be able to see us through the window there; which was both a blessing and a curse.

She didn't kiss like a girl who wanted to take things slow. She wound her other hand around my back and held my shoulder tight. I explored her mouth with my tongue and she made a soft mewling noise. I knew I should pull back; she had told me she was scared things were moving too fast, but I couldn't. She ran her mouth along my jaw, and her hand down my back pulling me closer to her.

"Bella," I panted as she took my earlobe lightly between her teeth. “You should go inside.”

"Yeah." Her breath and soft voice at my ear made me shudder.

Neither of us made a move to pull apart. I cupped her ass in my hand and pressed her body flush against mine; there was no use trying to hide the effect she had on me. She moaned softly.

I found her mouth with mine again and fought myself for control. I had to leave or I was going to find myself in a very compromising situation with the police Chief's daughter, on his front porch in view of the whole neighbourhood.

I reached my hand out to the door knob and turned it, hoping like hell it wasn't locked.

"Go," I gasped, breaking away from her, and opening the door behind her while still holding her against me until I knew she was steady on her feet. I pulled myself back a step, and let her go somehow. "I'll talk to you tomorrow," I said.

She looked dazed and flushed, and absolutely fuckable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Brenda is the name of the waitress at my local diner. I used to go there for lunch about once a week when I worked in the neighbourhood. She's a fixture there. She's a strong believer in giving a big helping of sass with every order.
> 
> Anyone else really want a milkshake now?
> 
> And in case you're wondering. Forks Coffee Shop is a real place. It's not really a diner per se, more of an old style family restaurant, but it's the closest I could find in the meagre selection of restaurants available in Forks.


	18. Respect

** Bella's POV **

I watched Paul walk down the street and turn at the end of the block, heading back to the diner. After he was out of sight I closed the door and leaned my forehead against the wood, listening to my still pounding heart.

"Bella?" Charlie called, coming around the corner from the living room.

I stood upright and turned around in a hurry. I knew my cheeks were flushed, but that was a pretty normal occurrence for me.

"Hey Dad," I sighed, tucking my head down and heading for the stairs.

"Hold up, Bells." I stopped at the foot of the stairs and waited for the 'Dad speech' I knew was bound to follow. "You were out with the Lahote kid tonight?" Charlie asked. I could tell he was uncomfortable with the whole situation—maybe not as uncomfortable as I was—but it clearly wasn't his favourite parenting moment.

"Yeah," I nodded.

"If you're going out with him again, I want to meet him Bella," Charlie stated matter-of-factly.

"Dad, I'm eighteen..."

"My roof, my rules kiddo," he replied, continuing into the kitchen with his empty beer can.

I sighed and climbed the stairs to my bedroom. Charlie had insisted on talking to both Edward and Jacob before either had been allowed to take me out officially. Jake still laughed at how red Charlie's face had been while he was giving him the 'respect my daughter' talk. I'd hoped since I was technically an adult that he might start treating me like one, but apparently that was a false hope.

** Paul's POV **

I parked Jared's car in front of his place and dropped the keys in the mailbox. I really didn’t want to listen to more of his shit; he’d made it plenty clear that he didn’t get why I was so hung up on Bella. He may not have been happy, but he’d still lent me his car; Jared was still my boy in some ways. 

I walked the few blocks back to my place still feeling pretty fucking euphoric after spending the evening with Bella, but my mood came crashing down around me when I saw Jacob was sitting on the steps of my front porch.

_Play it cool, and let him say what he came to say?  
             Or tell him to fuck off and mind his own beeswax?_

He was leaning forward with his elbows resting on his knees and he watched me with sharp intense eyes as I walked up the driveway toward him. I knew he'd be able to smell her on me, and it made my wolf fucking prance with pride that I fought to keep under wraps. Goading him on would only make this whole fucked up situation worse.

"Black." There was no need for a witty greeting; I knew exactly why he was there.

"Stay away from Bella," he said, his voice laced with venom. All I could do for a minute was shake my head at him.

"You going to tell her to stay away from me too, Jacob?" I asked, leaning on the stair railing with my arms crossed over my chest. "Because I just saw her and she made it pretty clear that she doesn't want me to stay away." I gave him a sideways glance just as he pushed off the steps to his feet. He stood in front of me, and got right in my face, looking down at me.

"Leave her alone, Lahote!" he barked.

I wasn’t intimidated by Jacob Black, future Alpha or not; I’d faced worse than him and come out fine on the other side. Sure he was supposedly going to be leading the pack one day, but I was a strong believer of having to gain respect by showing it first, and he wasn't exactly overflowing with respect for me.

"Why don't you go and ask her if that's what she wants, before you go giving me orders, chief?" I retorted, not backing down from his invasion of my space. I wanted to clock the sanctimonious fucker, but I knew that would piss Bella off, so I kept my fists balled under my folded arms. I could feel the wolf in me scratching to get out and take a chunk out of him, but I reined him in too; Sam had me under order not to phase anyway.

"Go chase one of your sluts." He jabbed his finger in my chest to accentuate his point. I snapped and grabbed it, bending it backward quickly; the sound of the bones breaking placated the wolf a little.

“What are you really mad about, Black? That Bella wants me, or that she  _doesn’t_  want you? I didn’t touch her until she asked me to,” I snarled into his face. Those were the guidelines he’d set for himself when they were dating to ensure he wasn’t moving too fast for her, but it had back fired and she’d gotten frustrated with him always waiting for her to make the first move.  Clearly she wanted someone to push her carefully set limits. I was more than happy to oblige.

"She's out of your league," he growled, taking a step back from me and wrenching his hand out of my grasp.

I pushed him out of the way and walked up the steps. I had to get the fuck away from him, or I was going to pound his smug ass into a bloody pulp. I had no doubt I could take him as a man; my years of scrapping gave me an advantage over him even if he had size on me. Taking him on in wolf form would be a different matter. I was faster, but he was fucking huge; he was more than ready to carry the mantle of Alpha physically, but he still had some growing up to do.

"Mine and yours both, Black," I said and closed the door in his face. I didn't lock it; if he was stupid enough to follow me into my own house I wasn't going to be responsible for his well-being, and I didn't really feel like having to fix the door if he decided to break it in.

He didn't follow me though. “You hurt her, and I'll fucking kill you,” he called after me, and then I heard him storm off shouting a string of profanities into the night.

              _Asshole_.

As much as I wanted Bella—and wanted her to want me—one thing was pretty fucking clear; the girl had really shitty taste in men.

* * *

 

I was scheduled for my first patrol since the battle with the leeches on Saturday night. My wolf had been itching to phase and run for the last week, but Sam had pinned me down with that fucking Alpha timbre of his. Sue gave me the all clear declaring me fit for duty and Sam lifted the order around seven o'clock, giving me nearly an hour before I had to meet up with Jared to start the perimeter check. Jacob and Seth were running the afternoon patrol so I knew better than to phase in early. I wasn't avoiding him per se, but wanted to see how I was going to be able to lock down on the memories of Bella before I had to be phased with him; there was no reason to torture him even if he was acting like an ass.

An hour didn't give me enough time to get to Forks and back to see her, so I called Bella instead. We spoke for a while and she told me that her old man wanted to meet me. That was a laugh; he knew damn well who I was. More like he wanted to threaten me to stay the fuck away from his daughter. I told her I would; of course I would. It had only been two days since she'd come to see me under the guise of bringing me cookies and checking up on me; two days since I had practically begged her to touch me; two days since I first tasted that sweet mouth of hers.

_Fuck! I'm worse than Black._

I had arranged with Jared that he'd phase in first and let me know when Black had phased out. I waited in the tree line behind my place and phased in when I heard his yip; I let the wolf loose. I stretched and took off toward the Reservation perimeter. It felt fucking amazing to run through the woods after so long being cooped up inside.

_'You fuckin' chicken, Lahote!'_  I heard him laugh at me through the mind-link. ' _Afraid Jake's gonna take a chunk out of you for banging his girl?'_

_'She's not his girl,'_  I shot back at him. I could see he was taking the South trail toward the shore, so I veered East at the clearing and headed North.

My limbs felt stiff and heavy at first, having been bound to my human form for nearly two weeks had been stifling. I started out slow, letting my muscles warm up, revelling in the burn the power of the wolf gave me. Before long the trees were flying past my vision in a blur as I wove my way through the forest. The comforting smell of the rich soil, moss and ferns combined with the moist salty air gave me a sense of peace; it was like a homecoming. As much as I hated that phasing had ripped my plans for my life from my grasp, I only ever felt this calm running through the woods on four paws.

The sound of my paws beating a tattoo into the packed earth of the patrol trail echoed the steady beat of my heart. My lungs filled and deflated in my chest that had been crushed only a short time ago; another reason to be thankful for my fucked-up lupine genes.

I let the familiar rhythm lull me and before I realized it, my mind was drifting to the very thoughts I'd wanted to avoid. Just as I had worried, the mere mention of Bella, and my mind took off without my permission. Memories flooded my mind as I struggled to think of something else, anything else.

_Bella begging me to kiss her..._  
             the feel of her skin under my hands...  
             burying my nose between her legs...the fucking heavenly smell of her...  
             watching her eat popcorn...drink her milkshake last night...

_Fuck, I love that mouth of hers._

_'Jesus, man,'_  Jared thought. I felt his shock ripple through my mind and could see him slow down to a trot as he took in what I was trying so desperately not to think about.           

It wasn't just the physical moments I'd spent with her that were sweeping over both of our minds, it was the time she'd spent taking care of me after the fight with the red-haired vampire bitch too:

_sitting in the backyard at the picnic table talking about pack bullshit..._  
             waking up next to her with my arm around her ...  
             the feel of her stroking my hair after my nightmare...  
             telling her about my folks over cookies and her holding my hand as I practically fell apart in front of her completely...

" **FUCK!** " I phased out mid-stride and slammed my fist into a tree, splitting the skin over my knuckles on impact.

I had kept my past hidden from the pack all this time, and in less than ten minutes I'd fucking spilled it all. I sat on the fern covered forest floor and propped my elbows on my knees, flexing my bleeding hand. I hung my head and scrubbed my hands through my hair, trying to pull my shit together. I knew Jared would be coming right to where I was, that's just who he was.

It wasn't like the pack didn't know that I had a shitty time growing up, they all knew  _she_  had left me with that useless asshole. I didn't need them knowing the specifics though. I didn't need them comparing me to either of them; or worse, feeling fucking sorry for me. Jare already knew more than most since we had been friends before phasing. We'd never talked about it, but I'm sure he knew the gist of it.

"You alright, man?" Jared asked, stepping through the woods to my left.

"I will be in a sec."

"You want to talk about it?" he inquired, sitting down on a fallen log near where I sat staring at the soft ferny undergrowth.

I shook my head.

"You want to talk about Bella?" he asked with a delighted chuckle.

I looked over at him; his face was a mixture of awe and disbelief.

"Not much to talk about," I shrugged. I knew he was trying to get my mind off the shit floating around in it, and I was happy for the distraction, so I went with it. "I'm not banging her," I said, rolling my eyes and throwing his words back at him.

"Yet!" He raised his eyebrows at me as if he was daring me to deny that's what I wanted. "Man, wait till you see the strip she tore off Black the other day! Did she tell you about that? Who knew the fuckin' vampire-girl had all  **that**  fire hiding inside her?"He shook his head like he just couldn't believe Bella was capable of anything of the sort. I wasn't sure if it was over what he'd seen in my mind or in Jacob's.

"Don't call her that," I said and gave him a serious sideways look.

"Shit, man. What's this girl done to you?" He studied me a minute before curiously asking, "Did you imprint, man?"

"No, I didn't fucking imprint." I was getting sick of people asking me that.

"Let's go," I sighed, rising to my feet. I was calmed down enough to run again. We phased and each headed off in opposite directions.

_'So, what? Is she, like, your girlfriend then?'_  I could feel the scepticism in his thoughts. Jare knew better than anyone that I wasn't into the whole relationship scene. I was typically only interested in someone to get my rocks off with, and nothing more.

_'Fuck, I don't know, Cameron. We're just seeing what happens, I guess.'_  His annoying routine had worked, I was no longer thinking about my fucked-up life; I was thinking about kicking his ass. It was the same old thing he always did to calm me down, and for some reason it always fucking worked.

_'Well, if I was you, I'd get a grip on some of those thoughts before you phase with Jake, man. He's already pissed and he doesn't know half of what you two have been up to.'_  I could feel his amusement and disbelief over Bella's reactions to me, and mine to her.

_'Thanks tips,'_  I scoffed.

We finished patrol without much more drama. He grilled me a bit about what the whole thing with Bella meant, but I didn't have any answers for him. He caught me up on the pack gossip since I hadn't really been all that present or approachable in the last two weeks; Leah had started seeing some guy who worked out at Lake Pleasant which had kept the pack talking.

I worked to keep my thoughts to myself and managed for the most part. I owed Sam—again—for putting me on patrol with Jared the first time out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh! Things got a little angsty in here...sorry! We'll get back to the warm fuzzies soon, I promise.


	19. A Walk in the Park

** Paul's POV **

I arrived at Bella's place a little earlier than I said I would; I was just that fucking eager to see her and it had only been two days. She said that her dad wanted to meet me, which was a laugh since he knew damn well who I was.  Hell, I'd sat across from him at the police station enough times that he should anyway, but I suppose I wasn't panting after his daughter then. I'd never had 'the talk' with a chick's father before - I didn't even know if some of the chicks I'd banged even had fathers to give a rat's ass who their daughter was doing. Bella had asked that I talk to Charlie, so that's what I would do. I hadn't even had her yet, and I'd already surrendered my nuts to her.

I phased back in the woods behind her place, and put on the clothes and shoes I'd left in a hollow log the night before after patrol. I figured if I were going to be spending more time with Bella it would be a good idea to have some clothes stashed nearby; running to her place on paws was a hell of a lot faster than walking on two feet and easier than having to borrow wheels every time.

I took a clearing breath and knocked on the door before I had a chance to talk myself out of it. This was going to be rough; it was easy to tell that the Chief didn't hold me in high regard. Charlie was the one to open the door. He stood there in full uniform, his gun still strapped to his hip.

_Yeah, about what I expected. Uniform on a Sunday?!_

_Best behaviour time._

"Good afternoon, Chief Swan," I said, extending my hand to shake his. Charlie Swan isn't a big man, and I tried to make myself smaller to pacify his need to be intimidating. It wasn't something I was too concerned with, I remembered him being plenty intimidating despite his size when I'd been on the receiving end of his line of questioning in the past; granted, that had been before I'd turned into a giant vampire hunting wolf though.

"Paul," he grunted, taking my hand firmly and pumping it up and down vigorously twice. "It's been a while." Charlie was clearly assessing me, and not doing anything to hide that fact.

"Yes Sir, it has. Bella said you wanted to speak with me?"

"Yeah. Have a seat, son." He indicated the chairs on the front porch and I sat myself on the edge of one of the seats, leaning forward on my elbows. He leaned against the railing with his arms crossed over his chest rather than sitting down.

"I'm not sure I would have recognised you if I hadn't known it were you. How old are you now Paul?" Charlie asked with a stern look, still assessing me.

"Seventeen," I replied, making sure to maintain eye contact with him. "I'll be eighteen in December."

He nodded thoughtfully. "I have to say I was a little surprised that you and Bella had started seeing each other. She's not the type you usually go for, is she, Paul?"

_No sense beating around the bush I suppose._

"No sir, I guess she isn't," I conceded, it was absolutely the truth. The only thing that linked my 'type' was they were easy to get into bed and easy to forget soon after. I wouldn't be forgetting Bella any time soon, and I wanted more than just a quick fuck with her.

"I guarantee you, Mr. Lahote, if I catch wind of you treating her like you treat the girls, or women, you usually hang around with, you're going to have to answer to me." Charlie leaned away from the railing to loom over where I sat, or loom as best he could, given that I was nearly as tall as him even while seated. "And I won't be wearing the uniform if it comes to that either, you understand me?" Charlie asked me expectantly.

"Yes, sir. I assure you, I will treat Bella with the respect she deserves." I nodded, and looked Charlie directly in the eyes, challenging him to see anything other than the truth of my intentions there.

"Alright, don't forget it son. Bella will be down in a minute," he said, clapping his hand down on my shoulder and turning to go back inside, satisfied that he'd put a fear of his wrath in me.

"Thank you, Chief Swan," I said and extended my hand to him again. His shake was less officious this time. I guess I had passed that test. It had been easier than I anticipated.

Bella came out less than a minute after Charlie disappeared behind the door. Her cheeks were red and she looked flustered.

"Sorry about that," she apologised as soon as the door was closed after her. "Was he awful?"

"No, he's just looking out for you. Like I said before; he's afraid of his daughter being left alone with the Big Bad Wolf," I told her with a smirk and leaned close to her ear, making her giggle.

              _Fuck I love that giggle._

We headed out to Tillicum Park. I thought it would be a good way to spend some time together, enjoy the sun, and not be too alone together. The park was wide open and was always full of people on warm days like today. There would be nowhere too sheltered, and there was sure to be lots of prying eyes; just what I needed to help keep my hands to myself.

** Bella's POV **

We spent a couple of hours just aimlessly wandering around the park, talking and people watching. The sun was shining and there were lots of interesting people out taking advantage of it. We didn't have a plan or agenda for the day, other than spending time together.

We talked about all sorts of things: from the simple twenty questions type of things like favourite colours, what we wanted to be when we were little, and favourite type of music—I'd made sure to remember each answer he gave for later: red, an astronaut, and he wasn't able to narrow it down to just one genre, but doesn't like country or rap; to the more in depth topics like who we'd like to have a conversation with (living or dead), all time favourite film and why, and fears.

Surprisingly the topic of favourite food, which I had thought to be in the simpler category, had spurred a rather lengthy conversation centred on the idea of family and home. His simple answer was roast chicken with all the trimmings, but I could tell there was more to it than just food by the wistful look he got when he told me.

"Do you make it for yourself?" I asked, thinking ahead that it could be something I'd fix for him at some point.

"No," he replied shaking his head thoughtfully. "I used to go the Clearwaters' sometimes when I was young." He seemed to be lost in some memory for a moment.

I thought back to how he had reacted to Sue Clearwater when she was checking his injuries. He had shown her a great deal of respect, more than I had ever seen him give to anyone else, including Sam or Billy. I tried to think of how to broach the subject with him, but before I could, he just started talking freely.

"Sue used to take me in when my mom would go on a bad bender. She always made sure I was fed and cleaned up and had somewhere to sleep. I used to crash with Leah when we were kids, but don't tell her that I told you; she'll kick my ass," Paul chuckled. He didn't seem reluctant to talk about that part of his past; they seemed like almost happy memories for him. "I think Sue used to make chicken especially for me, because she knew I liked it. She always made stuffing and mashed potatoes, and carrots, and she'd make sure I got a drumstick, and smother my whole plate with gravy." He had an almost contented look on his face, as we walked along in silence for a bit.

We came upon the bleachers at the baseball diamonds, and at Paul's suggestion we sat on the bottom bench with a couple of feet between us. The sun was warm overhead, and I loved the feel of it on my neck and shoulders; I was glad that I had thought to put some SPF lotion on that morning, or I would be burned before I got home.

"Do you still go over there?" I asked after we'd been sitting a few minutes. Paul was leaning back with his elbows on the next bench up, his legs stretched out in front of him, and his head tilted back with his eyes closed. I had almost gotten used to how huge he was when he was standing next to me, but seeing him sprawled across the bleachers like that brought it back to the forefront of my mind.

He opened his eyes and turned his head toward me slowly.

"Nah. My old man wouldn't let Sue take me back to her place once my mom split. He said he didn't want her having anything to do with me," he said, as if that would explain it fully.

"Why?" I couldn't understand anyone having a problem with Sue Clearwater. She was a kind and giving person with a gentle soul. Everyone seemed to like her.

"Sue is my mom's cousin. He wouldn't let anyone from her side of the family spend time with me. Said he didn't want them to tell her anything about me; if she wanted to know she'd have to come back. I didn't see my grandparents at all after she left either," he paused a moment and thought. "They're dead now," he added with a shrug.

"What about after he left?" I couldn't fathom the thought of Sue being Paul's family and her not trying to help him.

** Paul's POV **

I don't know how Bella always got me talking, but there I was, sitting on the baseball bleachers and spilling my guts to her again. It felt good to have someone actually listen. I'd only really gotten to know her in the last two weeks, and really didn't know her well at all, but I knew I could trust her; I knew that what I was telling her wasn't going to come back and bite me in the ass later. She seemed to genuinely care about what I told her regardless if it was my favourite colour being red, or that my old man cut me off from the only person who had ever treated me like family.

It felt like the more we talked the easier it was. I wanted to get closer to her, and not just physically.

_But that sounds like a damn good idea too._

I shrugged in response to her question. "Sue was pretty out of it when Harry died, and with Leah and Seth phasing too, it took a lot out of her. She's been better the last while. She'll bring me leftovers now and then, and I'm pretty sure she's pulled some strings with the council so I can keep the house, too. Leah doesn't want me over there though, so I stay away."

I sat up and swung one leg over the bench so I could look at her more easily. I liked watching her as she talked; her face was so animated and her eyes shone when she laughed or smiled. I watched her for a moment before moving closer to her. I wanted to touch her. I slid forward until my knees on either side of the bench just touched her knee and her hip. She turned slightly to face me, resting her knee against my leg.

She watched as I rested my arm along my thigh, picked her hand up from the bench next to her, and traced light patterns over the back of it with my fingers. Even in the warm sun, her hands still felt cool. When I looked back up at her face, her cheeks had flushed pink.

_I hope she never stops blushing when I touch her._

"Why doesn't Leah want you there?" she asked, mostly for a distraction I think.

"She's pretty fucking pissed about being a wolf in the first place. She doesn't need anyone around to remind her about it; having Seth there is bad enough. She can be pretty fucking vocal about shit if she's pissed off...I just avoid her if I can," I explained.

Looking at her, with the pink on her cheeks, the sun on her hair, and a coy little half-smile on her face I wanted to kiss her. There were lots of people around so I knew I'd keep myself in check, but I wanted them to see that she was here with me. I reached my free hand up behind her neck and looked at her a few seconds to gauge her reaction—some chicks were weird about PDA, and I really hoped that she wasn't one of them. She didn't pull away and her heart fluttered as her eyes flicked to my mouth.

I only allowed myself to give her a gentle, slow kiss though, just enough to let her know that I wanted more but was trying to behave myself.

Her eyes were closed and her breath short when I pulled away from her.

"Come on, let's keep walking," I said, pulling her to her feet by her hand that I still held. I switched it to my other hand once she was standing too so I could keep holding it while we walked. I didn't want to stop touching her.

Who would have thought that spending the afternoon in the park could be so fucking great? I had hardly even touched her—not that I didn't want to—and was having a better time than I'd had with most of the girls I'd fucked in the last year. I couldn't remember the last time I had laughed and smiled so much.

She asked me about patrol the night before. I told her that I had run with Jared, but skipped over most of my fucking breakdown. I did ask her about what she said to Black though, which resulted in her stopping dead in her tracks and pulling her hand from mine to cover her face with both hands.

"Jared told you about that?" she whispered. She sounded horrified, and I could see her face turning scarlet even though she had most of it covered. Fuck, she was cute when she was embarrassed.

"Why are you hiding?" I asked with a chuckle, standing in front of her and pulling her hands away. I brought her face up to look at me with a bent knuckle under her chin and bent down to look in her eyes at the same time. "Hey. He didn't tell me what you said. Just that you tore a strip off Jacob...he seemed pretty impressed, whatever it was." I had wanted to know before, but now it was killing me. "What did you say?"

She just shook her head vehemently and stepped around me. Whatever it was, it must have been bad. Or good?

We walked along in silence for a while, until she had calmed down a little and she took my hand again. I'd probably hear about what she'd said sooner or later through the pack-mind anyway, but hell, the curiosity was eating me.

** Bella's POV **

I realized that the only time I had been around Paul in wolf form was the day I had first learned of the wolves' existence; the day we had yelled at each other and he phased in front of me out of anger. Every moment of that day was etched in my mind. I knew what Paul looked like as a wolf, but knew that he couldn't be the vicious, snapping, feral beast he'd shown himself to be that day all the time. I was curious about what Paul the wolf was really like.

I must have been lost in my thoughts because he stopped to stand in front of me, halting our slow meandering walk, to look down at me curiously.

"What are you thinking so hard about?" he inquired with a raised brow and quirked lip. I felt my cheeks warm slowly under his scrutiny.

"Um, about you...well, your wolf," I admitted, pausing to take a breath and lick my lips nervously. "I was thinking about the day you phased in front of me..." my voice trailed off as his face fell briefly in dismay and then cracked into a wide grin as laughter bubbled up from his chest.

"Fuck. You were a little hell-cat that day! So angry," he laughed, shaking his head. He reached his hand out and tucked a stray strand of hair behind my ear letting his fingers brush over my cheek and run down the length of my hair before pulling away and pushing his hand into his pocket.

"So were you," I quipped, not able to help the silly smile on my face.

He nodded slowly, "Yeah, I was."

"Are you ... always like that?" I asked. The smile fell from my face and my eyes drifted down to my shoes a moment. I didn't know how he'd react to my wanting to know about his wolf. Jacob had always been willing to talk about it, but I didn't know if Paul would be so forthcoming. "When you're a wolf, I mean," I added, looking back up to meet his now much more serious expression.

"No," he said, shaking his head. "I was for a while. The anger got the better of me sometimes, but I've got a handle on it now; unless we're chasing a leech of course." The smirking half-smile returned to his mouth, lighting up his face again.

We started walking slowly along the path again as I thought about how to continue with my request.

"What's it like?" I asked. He looked surprised at my question.

** Paul's POV **

"Being a wolf?" Fuck. How was I supposed to describe what turning into something that shouldn't even fucking exist was like? There just weren't words for it, really. "It's hard to explain. It's really freeing...and a fucking trap at the same time," I started, trying to think of something else to say to help her understand that part of me. That was putting it mildly. Turning into a wolf had ripped my life away from me, forever, but the strength it brought was really empowering, and the adrenaline rush it gave was like nothing else I'd ever experienced. "I missed it actually, the last couple of weeks; the running. I didn't know I had until I phased yesterday." She smiled at that.

We walked another few minutes in silence as she thought over what I'd said. She had something specific on her mind and I had hoped she would just spill it, but clearly she needed a little prodding.

"You're still thinking about something," I finally said.

Her brow furrowed as she though a moment, and then nodded. "Will you show me sometime?" she asked timidly.

I hadn't expected that! Maybe I had misunderstood her. "You want to meet my wolf?"

"I understand if you don't want to," she added quickly, shaking her head frantically.

"No! It's not that, I just never thought that's something you'd want?"

'It's part of who you are," she said quietly and took a deep breath, giving me a little smile.

"I guess I should know by now that the weird shit doesn't faze you at all," I said as another laugh escaped me. I hadn't laughed this much in a long fucking time. I couldn't believe it, she wanted to meet my wolf! I could feel him fucking preening inside. Suddenly all I wanted to do was show him off to her; too bad I'd been so insistent on being in public today. "Yeah, I'd like that actually," I confessed.

She smiled that fucking coy little smile again. This girl was going to be the end of me. I might as well just surrender my manhood right now.

* * *

I got Bella home for 4:00 just like she'd told Charlie she would be; that had to count in my favour in his mind. She asked me if I'd like to stay for dinner. The pack typically got together at Sam's on Sunday evenings to go over the patrol schedule for the week, and I didn't think the Chief would like me staying too much anyway.

"Let's not push Charlie just yet. Let him get used to me being around a bit first?" I said leaning up against the column at the top of the porch stairs. She hadn't let go of my hand the whole way from the park back to her house, and still held it as she stood in front of me.

"Okay," she agreed. Her face was locked with a little half smile that had been there all afternoon as she watched me intently.

I had decided that I wasn't going make a move on her again today; I wanted to make sure I wasn't pushing her and the best way I could think to do that was let her kiss me if she wanted to. I knew it was the same bloody mind-games that Black had played with her, but I was pretty sure she'd never looked at him the way she was looking at me—like she wanted to eat me alive—so I felt secure with my little experiment.

I watched as her eyes poured over my face stopping at my mouth, and she licked her own lips in response. She stepped a little closer to me, and I listened to see where her dad was in the house. She lifted her free hand to rest lightly on abs, and I'd never hated wearing a shirt as much as I did at that moment; I wanted to feel her hands on my skin again.

_Steady, Lahote. Let her come to you._

Her eyes dropped to her hand a moment and then back up, searching my face. "Are you going to kiss me?" she breathed.

"Do you want me to?" I watched as she drew her plump lower lip between her teeth and slowly nodded her head, and fought not to devour it myself. I licked my own lips in anticipation and pressed them together. I shook my head back at her and smiled as a flash of disappointment swept over her face before I quickly added, "But you can kiss me if you want." I raised an eyebrow, daring her to take me up on my offer.

It took her less time than I had anticipated before she stepped even closer to me and pulled on our linked hands, urging me forward. She slid the hand on my stomach up my chest and around my neck, adding her other hand after leaving mine around her waist. She smoothed her body against me and pulled my head down to meet hers, brushing her lips tentatively across mine.

_Fuck._

My wolf chomped at the bit to take over but I held him back and let her lead.

The spark that flooded through me egged her on and she rose up on her toes to meet my mouth full on. One of her hands slid up my neck and fisted in my hair as the other clutched my shoulder to steady herself. I parted my lips to her curious tongue and let her explore my mouth.

Fuck this girl made me crazy.

It could have been seconds or several minutes, I don't know, but I pulled myself away from her voracious mouth when I heard Charlie get out of his recliner and head toward the kitchen; he'd see us where we were through the kitchen window for sure.

"Your dad's coming," I told her and let one of my hands fall to my side when she lowered herself down on her heels and took a small step back. I kept my left hand on her hip though; I wanted to be touching her as long as I could.

A shy smile broke across her face paired with a soft laugh. She dropped her head and her cheeks flushed.

"You're old man's got some sixth sense for timing I think," I chuckled, and lifted her face back to look at me.

"The Big Bad Wolf's not afraid of my dad, is he?" she joked.

"Nah... It would be a shame to wind up getting shot after such a good day though."

She beamed back at me.

"Alright, Girlie. I've should go. Call me later?"

 She nodded and I landed a kiss on her cheek and drifted my hand down over her ass before turning to go.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tillicum Park looks like a really nice place to spend the day. (Skate park, baseball diamonds, tennis courts, a train engine) I grew up in a small town and we didn't have anything quite so nice by a long stretch.
> 
>  
> 
> I am such a giant nerd that I actually went through and did Paul's and Sue's family tree to figure out how I could make them related. I did this weeks ago before I had any idea that there was already a pre-done pedigree chart for all four major families in the illustrated guide. Thanks to Mrstrentreznor for posting those btw.
> 
> Anyway, here's the Uley branch of the Wolf family tree. Yellow indicates wolves, obviously. Pink are the entries I've taken liberties with, either by giving a name where on wasn't provided, or completely making it up! It's my fic, I can do that! :P (http://bit.ly/11W2w9z)


	20. Dances With Wolves

** Paul's POV **

If I hadn't been so relaxed from spending the day with Bella, the schedule meeting at Sam's would have been pretty tense. Black sat across the room from me flanked by Tweedle-Dee and Tweedle-Dum—better known as Embry and Quil—all three of them shooting fucking daggers at me with their eyes, but I didn't let it get to me. The three of them blew out of there as soon as the schedule had been worked out, with Leah and the three pups leaving soon after. That left just Jared and I with Sam. Emily was puttering away in the kitchen, only popping into the living room long enough to insist I eat the heaping plate of leftovers she brought out. That girl of Sam's is a fucking saint or something. There was no sense arguing with her because she'd just get Sam involved; plus I was starving.

We talked a bit about patrol the night before. Sam was concerned that he was going to have to keep Jacob and I off patrol runs together indefinitely, and just the thought of it was making him bitchy. Jared told him that we'd worked on it, but that maybe another week of keeping us on different shifts would be best. Sam agreed and Jared took off to meet up with Kim.

_Fucking mousy little imprint's turned my boy into a clingy little bitch._

"You sure know how to make life tough for yourself, don't you?" Sam asked under his breath, shaking his head and rubbing a hand over his face. I knew it wasn't a serious question, but couldn't help agreeing anyway.

"Yup," I sighed, wiping the last piece of Emily's pot roast over the gravy streaked plate and popping it into my mouth.

"So you're serious about this then?" he questioned me, leaning back in his chair. I could feel the 'Dad-talk' coming.

I stood up and answered Sam as I brought my empty plate to the kitchen. "I want to see where it goes."

"Thanks Em, that was great," I said, handing her the plate and giving her a light kiss on her temple. She smiled and raised a questioning eyebrow at me and then Sam as a shocked little smile pulled at her scarred face.

Okay, so I guess I wasn't normally the most affectionate guy, and that may have been a little out of character, but I just felt fucking good.

I sat back on the couch across from Sam as he watched me with a curious look on his face, like he wanted me to continue explaining myself or something.

"I like her Sam," I confessed. "She makes me want to, I don't know...be a better person, or some shit." It was the most honest I'd been out loud about what was happening between Bella and I.

Sam burst out in a surprised laugh before saying, "Yeah, I can see that." He shook his head again. "And I'm guessing since you've smelled like her every time I've seen you this week, she wants to see what happens too." He gave me a knowing look before adding, "You've talked to her about that?"

I nodded with a stupid fucking grin on my face.

_At least Jared and Sam have an excuse for being whipped puppies; you fucking pussy!_

"Alright, Paul, just try not to be a dick about it with Jacob, okay?" Sam urged, an amused smile spreading over his face. "He'll calm down eventually; Bella made it pretty clear to him the other day what her intention..."

"What did she say?" I asked, cutting Sam off mid sentence. "She turned as red as a tomato when I asked her about it this afternoon." I was really starting to wonder what she could possibly have said to cause such a reaction in everyone.

"I have a feeling you'll find out soon enough," Sam laughed. "Go on, get out of here. Work on keeping things to yourself, okay?" he said, clapping his hand on my shoulder as he walked me out.

"Yeah," I agreed, still curious about Bella's conversation with Jacob. "Goodnight, Emily!" I called toward the kitchen and gave Sam a nod as I left.

 

* * *

 

 

Bella called just as I was walking through the woods behind my place after leaving Sam's. I smiled before flipping the phone open to answer it. It was a clear night so I sat in the yard at the picnic table and talked to her.

I checked if she still wanted to meet my wolf, and she eagerly agreed so I asked her to meet me in the trees just behind her back yard after work tomorrow. We'd have a little over an hour before Charlie was due home from the station. Seth was scheduled for patrol then and I didn't expect much trouble out of him.

I could hear the nervousness in her voice when I brought up the forest behind her house. I had remembered too late that that was where the leech had fucking left her.

              _Shit!_

"Actually, why don't I meet you in the yard first," I amended before she could agree to something that clearly made her uncomfortable. I had planned on just meeting her in wolf form to avoid getting distracted by being alone with her, but if she was nervous it would only key up the wolf in me and that was a mess best avoided. I would just have to behave myself—until she let me know I didn't need to anymore, that is.

"Okay," she agreed almost as soon as the suggestion was out of my mouth, the relief easily evident in her voice.

I could kill that fucking bloodsucker for putting her through what he did. If he ever stepped foot back in Forks I might do just that. He'd put Bella's life in danger by leaving her alone in the forest that night, and in my mind he'd essentially broken the original agreement by doing so, even if he wasn't technically in breach if you followed the letter of the treaty.

I could feel the quick change in mood within me. One minute the wolf had been ecstatic at the prospect of getting to show off for Bella, and the next he was practically frothing at the mouth in hatred over the way that asshole Cullen had treated her.

She said goodnight soon after, saying she had to be up early for work and wanted to get a few things done before she went to bed.

* * *

 

I sat just inside the tree line behind her place, still in wolf form, where I could see the driveway. She wasn't home yet, but I could hear her truck just off in the distance, pulling onto the street that lead to her cul de sac. I waited patiently. I'd spent most of the day, and last night thinking about this, and I was filled with a mixture of excitement and apprehension. If I was being honest, I was a little scared that she would't like me as the wolf; or worse, that the wolf wouldn't like her.

I watched as she pulled into the drive way and turned off the truck. She came directly to the backyard rather than going into the house first which made me smile inside. I phased back and quickly put my shorts on as she dropped her purse and jacket on the back steps and walked to the middle of the yard to wait. She couldn't see me where I stood so I just watched her for a minute.

She stood tensely in the middle of the yard facing the trees with her hands in her pockets. She was dressed in a navy blue short sleeved shirt with pearl snaps down the front and a pair of worn jeans that hugged her body in all the right places; her hair was pulled back in a high ponytail with a few stray pieces falling softly around her face. She looked fucking edible; she didn't even need to try and she was fucking gorgeous. She adjusted her shirt and hair nervously as she waited.

I stepped quietly out from the trees, walking slowly toward her as she walked forward to meet me.

She licked her lips uneasily before she spoke. "Hi. I didn't know if you'd be here already or not."

"Here I am," I said as I reached her, and pushed my hands in my pockets to keep from reaching out and pulling her to me. I didn't need to worry about it though; she stepped right up to me and pulled my head to hers for a kiss that was gentle and over far too quickly; it left me wanting more.

"I've been thinking about that all day," she confessed, as she lowered her feet flat to the ground from standing on her toes. I just fucking grinned at her like an idiot.

"You sure you want to do this?" I asked, pulling my hand from my pocket and taking hers.

"I'm sure." She nodded determinedly.

"Okay. Let's go then," I said, beaming at her and pulling her behind me into the trees. She walked quietly behind me, watching her feet carefully, as we made our way deep enough into the trees that none of her neighbours would see or hear us.

I stopped in an area that was a little more sparsely treed than the rest, and stood in front of her.

"Stay here. I don't want you too close while I phase, okay." I could see her start to tense up.

_Fucking leech!_

"I'm not going anywhere," I assured her and she relaxed. I backed up a few steps putting enough distance between us that I knew there was no way I could touch her as I phased. I reached for the button on my shorts and her eyebrows raised a tiny amount. "Turn around if you don't want the full show," I said with a wink. I couldn't help the smirk that spread over my face. I wasn't ashamed of my body, the opposite in fact. A body that most guys would kill for was one of the good things that turning into a wolf had given me. She turned partially around, not wanting to fully turn her back on me in case I left I guess, and dropped her eyes to the moss covered ground.

I dropped my shorts to the forest floor, leaving them there while I phased. I shook out my coat and padded slowly toward her, leaving distance between us. I wanted her to be comfortable. I'd let her come to me. She turned slowly and gasped as her eyes fell on me.

** Bella's POV **

I watched as the giant silvery-grey wolf took a few methodical steps forward and sat fluidly back on his haunches.

This _beast_ was Paul.

It was almost impossible to believe, but watching his graceful movements it was easy to see as well.

Beautiful didn't seem like strong enough word to describe him. Regal? Majestic? Formidable? None of them seemed to encapsulate the power and beauty of the calm, peaceful animal sitting a mere ten feet in front of me.

He sat proud and watched me carefully, waiting patiently for me to approach him. His pointed ears flicked and he made a short huffed noise through his nose as I slowly stepped forward with caution. I stopped in front of him with a couple of feet remaining between us. Even in wolf form, I had to tilt my head up to look him in the eye.

"Hey," I breathed, my voice trembling and giving away my apprehension.  I remembered reading that I shouldn't look a dog in the eye because they could perceive it as a challenge, and wondered if the same rule applied to wolf-boys. I let my eyes drop. Paul hadn't said anything about how I should behave around his wolf; and, I had only spent a small amount of time around Jacob in wolf form, so I was uncertain of my actions.

Paul leaned forward and nudged his huge fur coved forehead against my shoulder. I looked back up and studied his face. His large eyes were a rich golden brown colour, rimmed with dark fur and short silver lashes; they watched me intently. The hair around his muzzle and over his cheeks was a lighter shade of grey than that on the rest of his head, the light colour continuing under the his chin and over his chest where it was thick and fluffy. His coat was shiny and looked soft, and I wanted to sink my fingers into it to find out.

I tentatively raised my hand, feeling my heart rate pick up as I did. I took a deep steadying breath and pressed my lips together before looking into his huge eyes watching me. "May I?" I asked, reaching my hand out toward his face.

A soft whine reverberated from his throat and he leaned his massive head down closer to me, meeting my hand half way. I smoothed my fingers up the darker short hair on the top of his nose and down over his cheek, sinking my hand into the ruff of longer fur under his jaw. He leaned further into me, and his cool nose brushed over my cheek. I felt and heard light snuffling breaths along my jaw as he drifted his head along my hair and shoulder. I felt my shoulders relax and stepped closer to him, bringing my other hand up to scratch into the thick silver fur behind his ear.

"You're so beautiful," I sighed and immediately felt silly for having said it out loud. It was true though; Paul the wolf was as strikingly beautiful as Paul the man was handsome.

A deep rumbling sigh bubbled up from his thick chest. He stepped his front paws slowly out on either side of me and went down on his elbows; laying down brought him better within my reach.

He continued to snuffle and sniff me, stopping to bury his large black nose into my neck under my ear, making me pull away and giggle at the feel of the cool wetness. He pulled his head back and flicked his ears at me, and the lighter patch of fur over his eyes that acted visually as eyebrows twitched in a look reminiscent of Paul's mischievous smirk, before returning his nose right where it had been.

"That tickles," I giggled, bringing my hand up to smooth over his muzzle again. I could feel the thick wiry whiskers prickle under my hand. A goofy grin had plastered itself across my face.

His long bushy tail swished back and forth through the ferns. Again I thought of the limited knowledge I had of dogs, and wondered if wolves wagged their tails when they were happy, too. He nudged me with his forehead against my shoulder again making me take a small step back and he rose to his feet, and stepped slowly around me continuing his snuffling inspection of me as he went. I tried to stand still as he huffed and sniffed along my back and up into my hair, but it tickled and I couldn't help laughing and turning around to face him. His tail wagged freely side to side, lifted high, and he lifted his front feet quickly in place almost like a little tap dance. Then he dropped his front legs flush to the ground again but stayed standing with his rear legs; he lowered his head to his paws and looked up at me with his big golden eyes from about my waist level.

"What?" I asked, laughing at his playful antics. He stood again and swiped his tongue quickly over my cheek before bounding off a short distance, turning and trotting back toward me again with high steps. He nudged his head under my hand at my side and I stepped up to him as he hunkered down on his chest again. I stood to one side of his massive head and scratched behind his ear, reaching my other arm around and under to burrow my fingers into the ruff of his neck.

"Is that okay?" I asked, and he leaned heavily into me, causing me to put a foot backward to save myself from falling over. "It's strange speaking to you like this," I confessed, a smile still plastered to my mouth. I leaned in and pushed my face into the soft fur on his cheek and breathed him in. The wolf smelled like Paul, only more so; the rich, earthy, almost sandalwood scent permeated his fur.

In a smooth movement, he turned on his side and kicked his legs out to the side. With another nudge to my shoulder, he pushed me to stand in front of his chest and huffed a breath at me through his nose while motioning with his head toward the ground.

"What?"

He huffed again and pushed my hip with his nose, making me take a step forward. "Do you want me to sit?" I asked, still not sure. His response was easy enough to understand as he licked my cheek again.

** Paul's POV **

"Paul, stop that," she admonished.

I couldn't help it. It turned out it was really hard to communicate as the wolf when the other person wasn't in my head. She knelt on the ground next to me, and sat with her back pressed against my ribs and nuzzled in just like I had wanted. Her cool little fingers dug into my coat again and she raked them deliciously across the skin of my side. It felt fucking amazing.

I hadn't known what to expect from being around Bella in wolf form; I'd never spent any time with people who weren't pack when I was phased before. I'd worried that my wolf wouldn't want anything to do with Bella, but I liked being around her as much on four legs as I did on two. Being with her was easy and comfortable. The sexual charge wasn't there like when I was human, but I felt intensely protective of her, and wanted to keep her close.

"You're so warm and soft," she crooned as she nestled into my fur a little further and rested her cheek on my chest. If wolves could purr I would have been; I sighed and curled my body around to rest my head in her lap. Moving her hand to scratch behind my ears again, she started talking in a quiet, soft voice.

"Thank you. I hope this isn't too weird for you," she began. Her fingers trailed over my muzzle and she rubbed soft circles between my eyes with her thumb. I closed my eyes and sighed again, leaning into her touch.

"I've been afraid to come back here, since...since Edward left me," she confessed quietly. "You were with Sam that night weren't you?" she asked. I opened my eyes to find her looking down at me resting on her legs. I nudged her hand and gave it a little lick, hoping that was answer enough for her.

We weren't far from where we'd found her; she'd been that close to home, yet so lost. The memory of how she looked that night haunted me now that I was getting closer to her. She hadn't been just physically lost, she'd nearly lost herself completely.

"I don't want to be afraid anymore," she stated, her voice filled with determination. "I think coming here with you today has helped. Thank you." She bent her head and pressed her lips to my furry brow for a long moment, then sat back and continued weaving her fingers through my fur.

I sat and enjoyed her touch until Seth piped up from back on the Rez.

'Hey Paul, sorry...uh, Quil's going to be phasing in a bit...just thought you might want to know.' he cautioned. When I phased in to run to Bella's earlier I'd warned him to keep his mind on his fucking job and his nose out of my business. He'd kept as quiet as I could have expected; I'd only had to tell him to butt out once.

'Thanks, kid,' I fired back to him. He'd gotten a worse deal than most of the rest of us, having phased so young and having to share his mind with his sister, but he was a good guy really; he always treated everyone with respect.

I lifted my head from Bella's knee and nudged it with my nose.

"Time to go?" she asked, sitting forward and sweeping her knees underneath her. She stood in one fluid motion after I had gotten to my feet, and I was struck again with how graceful her movements were when she wasn't over thinking every fucking thing.

I phased back and pulled her to my chest wrapping my arms tightly around her. Sharing that part of me with her had been one of the most gratifying experiences of my life. I felt proud and full; complete. She pressed her cheek against my chest and wound her arms around to hug me back, as a little giggle fluttered from her.

"What's funny?" I asked, leaning down to nuzzle her hair.

"You aren't wearing any clothes, Paul."

Oh yeah. Turning into a giant harry mutt seemed to involve walking around in the buff on a pretty regular basis, and I guess it had slipped my mind. I was just that fucking comfortable around her. Now that it had been pointed out to me however, I was exceedingly aware of my naked body pressed against hers; only she had on far too many clothes.

_Nice way to behave yourself, Lahote._

"Guess I should go get my shorts, huh?" I could feel that her cheeks were pulled up in a smile, and that she wasn't too tense about the situation I'd forced us into inadvertently, so I just kept holding her for a minute. I bent my head lower and let my lips drift ever so lightly across her temple and brush her ear; I felt her shiver in my arms. She tipped her head back to look at me, the smile was gone from her face and was replaced with the first hints of that delicious longing I'd come to crave on her face.

_Oh shit!_

I cupped her jaw with my hand and brought my mouth to hers. I kept it quick, but fuck it was hard to pull away.

"Close your eyes, little girl," I told her with a grin and raised eyebrow.

She blushed and smiled back at me and I had to force myself to let her go and turn around as she brought her hands over her eyes with a giggle.

I walked over and bent to get my shorts from where I'd left them on the forest floor. I heard a tiny gasp and a flutter in her heartbeat in a tell tale sign that she hadn't been able to resist taking a peek; my dick twitched to life in response. I pulled my shorts on and pressed my lips together to hide the pleased grin I had on my face before turning back to her.

She was already walking toward me, and I grabbed her again when we met; her mouth found mine immediately. I let my hands drift down over her hips to the curve of her ass, pausing there and squeezing lightly before continuing down to her thighs and lifting her up. She squeaked in surprise, and clutched my shoulder for balance. She relaxed quickly and I pulled her legs to wrap around my waist. Her mouth didn't leave mine until I had turned to the nearest tree and pressed her back to it. She gasped and tilted her head back as I pressed my weight into her, letting her feel what she did to me. I was hyper aware of the cues her body was giving me; ready to stop as soon as she tensed up on me—but she hadn't yet.

I lowered my mouth to her exposed throat and she moaned and tilted her head back, granting me further access. I lapped my tongue over her smooth creamy neck stopping at the feel of her racing pulse under my lips.

** Bella's POV **

My heart pounded in my chest as Paul's hot mouth assaulted my neck. He made his way lower dragging open-mouthed kisses the length of my throat from ear to shoulder. He hooked his thumb into the collar of my shirt pulling it aside to continue his path lower still, the first two snaps popping open with the strain to the fabric.

My mind was reeling, I wanted to rip the rest of the snaps open to feel his lips on me everywhere, but I was also starting to get nervous about where this was going—quickly it seemed.

_Shut up! Shut up! Shut up!_

_Don't think, just feel._

His tongue ran the length of my collar bone and sent a shudder through me.

"Oh God, Paul!" I gasped, as his large hand drifted over my ribs and cupped my breast from below. His thumb brushed lightly over my nipple and it hardened to a point in response. His mouth hovered near my ear, his breath as laboured as my own.

He pressed his body to mine, resting more of his weight against me, and allowing me to feel his hardened erection pushing against my aching center. I drew him closer yet with my heels in the backs of his thighs.

"Fuck, Bella," he groaned and thrust his hips forward into me, making a faltering whimper sound escape my mouth. "You like that?" he breathed into my ear before capturing my earlobe between his teeth.

I could only nod in response; unable to form a coherent thought let alone words.

** Paul's POV **

I had to get a grip on myself; had to be rational. It was really fucking difficult to think rationally while I rubbed my cock against her and teased her nipples until they hardened under my touch though; and that fucking mouth of hers was making me insane.

I couldn't let this go much further. She was a fucking virgin, there was no way I was going to fuck her in the middle of the forest against a tree the first time. She deserved so much better than that. Besides, she wasn't on the pill or anything else that I could smell, and I hadn't brought a condom, hadn't even considered that I might need one.

She hadn't shut this down yet, and I was worried she would feel like shit later if it went much further.

_Not yet_.

I shifted her weight so the fingers of my hand holding her up could just brush the inside of her thigh. Fuck I wanted feel that sweet-smelling pussy of hers; I wanted to watch her fall apart as I teased her.

She tensed just slightly and I took my cue, stilling my fingers.

"Bella?" I whispered right next to her ear. She mumbled an incoherent response, which made me smile. "Do you touch yourself, Bella?" I asked, moving my fingers again and allowing them to barely brush the seam of her jeans for emphasis. She gasped and panted. I knew I was pushing her—maybe too far—but I could also tell she fucking loved it. Fuck, her body was screaming out; begging to be touched.

She pulled her head back to look at me, staring at me with heavily lidded eyes. She slowly drew her lip between her teeth and nodded.

_Oh thank God! At least she gets herself off._

"Good girl," I smirked at her, before returning my mouth to her ear. "I want you to touch yourself tonight, Bella, and I want you to think about me." I brushed my fingers over her crotch again, not quite so lightly this time, and she shivered and gasped again. "You don't have to tell me about it...unless you want to...I just want to know it's me you're thinking of when you come." I kissed the side of her neck, running my tongue right over her pulse and sucked lightly—not hard enough to leave a mark. "Can you do that for me, Bella?"

She nodded almost immediately, her whole body trembling with need in my arms.

"Good. Now let's get you back to the house, shall we?" I purred against her skin, before pulling myself away from her somehow. I stepped back from the tree and slowly lowered her feet to the ground, savouring the tantalizing drag of her body against mine. She stood with her eyes closed a moment catching her breath. I took the opportunity to adjust my uncomfortably hard cock in my shorts; I'd have to take care of that myself when I got home, and I sure as hell would be thinking about her.

We walked silently back through the woods with her tiny hand tucked into mine. We stopped inside the trees with the house in view, and I tucked my hand under her chin and drew her face up for a goodbye kiss that wasn't quite as quick as I had intended, and not entirely my fault either.

"Alright, go." I said, finally breaking away from her. "Charlie will be home soon," I reminded her.

I watched her walk across the lawn in a daze and up the back steps where she turned back to look at me before disappearing inside.

I headed off toward the Rez on foot. I had to make sure I had my thoughts under wraps before phasing; Quil would have a fucking field day with the afternoon's events otherwise.


	21. Disclosure

** Paul's POV **

I turned and walked back through the trees after she had disappeared in the house. My head was reeling and my dick was still uncomfortably hard and rubbing against my shorts. I was going to have to get a grip on my thoughts or I'd be walking back to La Push barefoot rather than risk phasing with Ateara out there; his twisted little mind would have way too much fun with what Bella and I had just got up to. Any other girl and I wouldn't have given a shit, but I didn't want him getting any dirt on her.  Besides, he'd probably go and run his fucking trap, and Black really didn't need to see that just yet.

I walked through the clearing that Bella and I had just spent the last hour in. My cock throbbed as I caught the heady scent of her still clinging to the tree I'd had her pushed up against; I leaned my forearm on the tree and let her scent flood my senses.

_Yeah, that's not going to help keep my mind off her at all.  
             How the fuck did I manage to walk away from her?_

I had jerked-off more in the last week than I had since I was thirteen—and always to thoughts of Bella—but smelling her made it impossible to ignore the ache in my nuts. I palmed my hard-on through the denim of my shorts, before popping the button fly open, letting my shorts hang low on my hips and taking myself in a firm grip. I rested my forehead on my arm and breathed her scent deep into my lungs. I remembered her eager agreement to make herself come while thinking about me tonight and thought how much I'd love to watch her come apart. I wondered how she touched herself: fast or slow? gentle or firm? Did she only play with her clit or did she slide her fingers inside her cunt too? Did she squeeze her tits? I should have told her to call me so I could listen to her. Would she moan? Fuck, would she say my name?

My hand felt too big and way too fucking hot; I wanted to feel her hands on my cock. I closed my eyes and imagined her stroking me; her cool little fingers toying with my balls. I pumped harder, already so close just thinking about her touching me.  I imagined those sweet pink lips of hers wrapped around me; her tongue running up the length of my cock and taking me fully in her mouth. My balls clenched tight and I blew my load over the ferns at the base of the tree at the thought of fucking her perfect mouth.

Stroking until the contractions subsided, I thought of coming back here tonight to listen in and see if Bella did fuck herself to sleep like she said she would, but I thought better of it. It would be too fucking tempting to be that close to her if she did. Besides, the last fucking thing she needed was someone invading her every private moment like that fucking leech Cullen had.

I pulled my shorts up and continued slowly toward the Reservation, hoping I'd be able to get my head back in focus now that I'd taken care of that distraction. After about a mile I figured I'd be able to keep Quil out enough to strip and shift.

_'I wondered when you'd come slinking back,'_  Quil snipped.  _'Seth said you took Bella back to where you guys found her after Cullen ditched her, man. What the fuck is wrong with you?'_

I didn't want to let him see Bella's confession of being afraid to go out there, or her nervousness before we'd even set foot in the forest, so I changed the subject right away.  _'How's patrolling solo?'_  He was usually easily distracted but I had no such luck this time.

_'Boring as hell, but I bet you had a nice time in the woods. Did she rub your belly like the good little lap dog you are?'_  the venom in his thoughts was easy to pick up on.

_'Mind your own fucking business Ateara! You think I'm going to give you anything to go report to Black?'_  I snapped. I was sick to fucking death of everyone being up in my business. They'd all given Jacob a wide berth when he and Bella were dating, but because I'd apparently  _'stolen Jake's girl'_  I didn't get the same fucking privilege.

_'Relax Paul,'_  he scoffed.  _'We all know what's going to happen anyway.'_  Apparently, whatever he thought that was, was pretty fucking hilarious.

_'What the fuck are you talking about?'_  I had half a mind to join Ateara on his patrol run and tear a chunk out of him. He was really pissing me off.

His mind flashed to a memory of a red faced, pissed-off Bella standing next to her truck in my drive way, yelling, presumably at Black. It must have been the day she'd come out to see me last week; the day this whole thing had started. Fuck, it had been less than a week.

 

> _ "No, I'm going to fuck him because I want to!" she screamed, standing on her tip toes to get as much in his face as she could. _

I stopped dead in my tracks feeling exactly the shock that filled the memory that Jacob had shared with Quil.

_'She said that to him?'_  was the only thing I could even come up with.

_'No shit, Sherlock!'_  was Quil's witty response.  _'So, yeah, nobody doubts what's going on with you two, but it's pretty weird to hear it from Bella and not you, you know. Your brain is usually like a walking porno, what gives?'_

I couldn't fucking help the flashes of Bella that ran through my head: laughing in the park, licking milkshake from her finger at the diner, that fucking blush on her cheeks every time I touched her, the look she gave me before she kissed me on the porch yesterday, the look on her face just a few minutes ago when I pushed her against the tree, followed by her throaty moan.

_'You lucky fucking bastard! What the hell does Bella see in you, anyway man? You've never been anything but a dick to her, ever.'_  I could feel Quil's shock over the memories I'd let slip—some of them a little less intentional than others—and felt it as it all sort of clicked into place in his mind. He got that I wasn't just messing around with Bella out of some twisted fucking scheme to fuck with Black, and I wasn't tricking her into it somehow. He got that what was happening between us was real—fucked up and confusing as hell—but real. 

The shock of this realization made his memory jump backward to Bella shoving Black out of her way and storming down the porch steps to her truck. She was fucking angry, easily as angry as she'd been with me when I'd made her feel like shit about dating a vamp.

 

> _ "Don't you think you've done enough for him, Bella?" he shouted, stalking after her. "You've shown your gratitude already. Are you going to fuck him to show him how thankful you are that he did his job!" The bitter taste of jealousy filled the memory. We all knew that Black still wanted her for himself, but seeing this made it fucking pathetic. He was on the verge of throwing himself at her feet and begging her to choose him over me. _

_'I'll fucking kill him!'_  I took off as fast as I could. I wasn't sure if I should go after Black or kill the messenger first.

_'It was fucking low man, but I'm sure he didn't mean anything by it really. You know how Jake feels about Bella, man. He's just hurt that it's you and not him that she...well, you know,'_  Quil tried placating me, but my anger consumed me.

_ 'He's supposed to be her best friend. He should save the trash talk for the fucking vamps. I'm going to fucking kill him.' _

_'Paul, come on, man. Just let him cool off a bit. He'll make it up to her, I'm sure.'_  Quil offered in appeasement.

_'What the fuck, Ateara? He speaks to her like she's...some fucking whore and you defend him? What the hell is wrong with you? She considers you a friend, and you let him treat her like that?'_  I spat indignantly.

              _Yup, kill the messenger first, then kill fucking Black._

_'Hold up, Paul, man. You fighting her battles for her is just as bad as what Jake did. She stood up to him and that's half of what's pissing him off. She's obviously not going to back down from whatever the fuck it is going on with you two, so just let her figure it out, man. Or wait until she asks you for help first. You'll just piss her off if you go ahead and try to fix this without her.'_  Quil was thinking fast and furiously, trying at first to just get me to leave him alone, but it hit me that what he was thinking was absolutely true.

_'Fuck, you're right,'_  I thought, not even realizing I had passed it along.

_'I am?'_  his shock was genuine; it was pretty rare for him to have a good idea or thought.  _'Well, yeah, I am! Huh.'_  He stopped running for a minute and his mood became serious; Quil was never fucking serious.

_'Look man, Jake fucked up, I know that, Bella knows that, and now you know that—hell, even Jake knows that—but if you get involved it's going to get ugly and Bella could just walk away from the whole mess.'_  He paused for a minute before adding,  _'And who's going to make brownies for the pack parties then, huh? Think of the brownies, dude!'_  Everything was always a fucking joke to this guy, but I wasn't laughing.

I was only a couple miles from home, and I couldn't take any more of Ateara's bullshit, so I phased out and walked the rest of the way. It gave me time to get my head straight.

Quil was right; as much as I may have wanted to teach Black a lesson, I needed to let Bella fight her own battle. She was strong—really fucking strong—and the way she had already stood up for herself to him only proved that. I knew she was probably upset about fighting with him about it too, but she hadn't let me know apart from blushing like crazy when it was brought up. I'd given her a chance to back out before things got heavy between us—or heavier I guess, given that the first time I'd fucking touched her I'd wanted to touch all of her, and would have if Black hadn't interrupted us actually—but she didn't take it. She'd said she couldn't just pretend there was nothing there.

That was exactly the opposite of what she had done when she and Jacob were together; she'd pretended that there was something there. Maybe that was a mistake on her part, and only served to lead him on further, who knows, but she had made herself clear when she told him their friendship was too important to her to risk losing over unrequited love. That led me to believe that she'd still want to make amends with him now. Hopefully that didn't involve kicking me to the curb. I really hoped that wouldn't happen any time soon.

I was in a fucking miserable mood by the time I got home. I scooped my phone off the table and thought about calling Bella, but couldn't think of what I would say to her. I thought about calling Black, but that wouldn't do any good either; I'd be no better than him if I caved into that. I paced around the living room, stewing on the whole mess and finally just flopped down on the sofa, defeated. I'd just have to wait and see how it panned out. I fucking hated having things out of my control like that.

* * *

I woke up disoriented with a kink in my neck—fucking couch!—to the sound of my phone buzzing. It was starting to get dark out and the glow from the little screen was the only light in the room.

I tried to remember if I was supposed to be anywhere; I didn't have patrol until the next afternoon and I couldn't think of anywhere else I was expected. I flipped the phone open: 8:54 pm /1 text message from Bella.

     **I feel like I should thank you. :)**

 


	22. Mission Accomplished

** Bella's POV **

Charlie got home late from work and rushed into the kitchen with a contrite look on his face. He'd forgotten to tell me that he wasn't going to be home for dinner and that I shouldn't have bothered making anything; he was going out with Sue and had only come home to change out of his uniform first.

_If only I'd known that while Paul was still here._

Luckily I'd only taken some leftovers out of the freezer. I'd been a little too distracted to bother fixing anything else really. Okay, maybe more than just a little. I had been a complete mess, and it had taken me nearly the full half hour I'd had after Paul left to get my head cleared enough to face Charlie when he finally got home. I had even changed my clothes and brushed my hair because the last thing I needed was Charlie asking questions about stray wolf hair, or worse, why my shirt was so wrinkled and I had pine needles in my hair. To say I was a little put out was an understatement.

Every time Paul and I were together I fought a war with myself. I craved his touch, but as soon as things got heated between us I started over thinking everything. My body wanted more but my brain turned into a panicky idiot. I needed to find a way to relax and let go. I trusted him; I knew as soon as I said stop he would, but I didn't want to be a tease either.

I had tried to distract myself after Charlie left but I wasn't able to focus on anything. I turned on the TV, but every show seemed to have a couple on it and every time they touched my thoughts drifted to the memory of Paul's hands on me. Giving up on television, I went upstairs and tried reading for a while but the words all blended together and my mind started to drift again.

It was still light out and I had been holding off giving into the demands of my body until I was ready to go to bed for the night, wanting it to be dark so I could better imagine that my own touches were Paul's; but, it was useless to deny it any more. I put the book that I hadn't even been pretending to read anymore aside, closed my eyes and leaned back into the pillows on the bed as I ran my hands down my body. I imagined them bigger, warmer and rougher—more like Paul's hands—as I cupped them around my breasts. I lightly teased my already beaded nipples through the thin material of my tank top, rolling them between my thumb and fingers the way Paul had.

My mind leapt back to the forest that afternoon; to the feel of Paul's hot mouth on mine, the feel of his hands on my butt as he moved down to lift me and push me against the nearest tree. His weight on me and his erection pressing against me had been such a turn on; I'd wanted to strip my clothes off and beg him to take me right there in the same trees I had been afraid to return to.

I wondered what would have happened if I’d been able to shut off my panicky mind and just go with what my body wanted. If I had touched him the way I had longed to; responded to his touch rather than shied away from his roaming fingers. Even though it had been very brief, the light touch of his fingers had felt like a promise of something incredible.

I wanted more. I wanted his rough hands on my bare skin. I wanted his demanding fingers to explore where only I had been before, running between my legs, plunging into me.

I sank my hand under the waistband of my sleep shorts and into my panties, touching myself where he had barely let his finger graze. I imagined what would have happened if I had allowed my desire to take over, if I had pulled my restrictive clothes off when the urge had struck me. I'd have given myself to him completely, no doubt.

I was already wet and swollen with need as I trailed my fingers over my sensitive flesh, collecting my own moisture before circling my clit with two fingers.

 

 

> _His fingers ran a fiery trail up my ribs to pull the cup of my bra down, allowing his hot mouth to caress the puckered skin around my nipples._

Hitching my shirt up and licking my thumb, I teased my nipple imagining his mouth on me; just that small amount of stimulation had me moaning softly and arching my back off the bed.

My breathing was already broken, and I gasped as I slipped my middle finger through my wet folds and inside collecting more wetness. One finger felt grossly inadequate; Paul's hands were so much bigger and rougher than mine. I slid a second finger in alongside the first; the warmth of the stretch spilled over me and I relaxed into the pull. With the thought of his rough hands on me, touching, rubbing, filling me, I began a needy rhythm with the fingers of one hand filling my heated opening, and the other rubbing franticly over the sensitive bundle of nerves. It wasn't my typical method, but nothing I'd experienced with Paul so far could be categorized as typical, so why should masturbating as per his instruction be any different to that?

 

 

> _Paul's hot mouth was back at my throat, lapping across my chest and devouring my breasts. Warm, rough touches drew me closer to the edge of ecstasy._

Urgency filled me; I couldn't hold back any longer. I pushed my shorts and panties over my hips and down my legs, and returned my fingers to my swollen needy center. It was Paul's fingers rubbing through the slick folds, making me arch my back and writhe in pleasure. I felt the burn deep within me signaling my imminent release, and only a few frenzied circles more had me falling apart and calling his name.

I lay still afterwards feeling the pulse of aftershock with my fingers relaxed against my clit. My body felt boneless and a blissful smile swept over my face. That had easily been the best orgasm I'd ever had.

              _Mission accomplished._

I giggled at myself and reached for a tissue from the box on the night stand. Lying on my side wiping my fingers clean, my eyes landed on my phone on the corner of the table. In a sudden flood of bravery practically unheard of for me, I had the phone in my hand and the text messaging screen open with Paul's number in before I could even think to be shy or embarrassed.

I paused only a moment to think of what to say before typing the message and hitting the send button. Putting the phone back on the table, I pulled my pyjamas back into place before heading out into the hall to the bathroom.

The light over the vanity flickered above the bathroom mirror, and flooded the small room with harsh, cold light. Even in the unflattering light that typically made me look washed out and sickly, my cheeks blazed bright pink back at me from my reflection.

I stared at the girl in the mirror. Her hair was a disaster—a tangled mess of curls with pieces sticking out at strange angles, cheeks flushed and a sheen of perspiration making her glow. She bit her lip as a hand rose to her neck to trace the blush from her cheeks down her throat to her chest; she was me, only the bright eyes shining back from the mirror looked foreign with their haunted lust-filled gaze.

This is what he did to me—what he turned me into—and he hadn't even really touched me yet. What changes would I see in myself if he had actually done all the things to me that I had just imagined? If things continued to get as heated between us as they had in the forest this afternoon, I had a feeling it wouldn't be long before I found out. I shivered at the thought of being with him the way I wanted—needed to.

** Paul's POV **

_Thank me? What was she thanking me fo..._

_Oh shit._

Had I underestimated her? Was she letting me know she'd completed...her homework?

_Fuck me._

Or was there some other mysterious reason she felt like she owed me thanks?

****P:** What do you have to thank me for? **

I fired off the reply and stared at the small bright screen in the darkened room for a few minutes hoping for a response but none came. I was hard again just thinking about her getting herself off, knowing that she had thought of me.

The whole situation with Bella was still fucking with my head. I wanted her more than I had ever wanted anyone before, and it was clear from her reactions that she wanted me too, but I was terrified to give into that want. I was worried that she was only in this physically, and I was way beyond that already. Once she got what she was after would she still want to spend time with me? I doubted it. I was way beyond feeling like a pathetic teenager over this girl.

After a few minutes of waiting for a text that never seemed to come, I got up from the couch, deciding I needed a cold shower.

  


** Bella's POV **

The little green light on my phone that indicated a message was flashing when I returned to my room. My cheeks flushed pink just remembering the brazen text I had sent Paul. I flipped the phone open and read his message:

**                          P: What do you have to thank me for? **

_Oh! If only he knew._

Still feeling brave from my hormonal lift, I quickly typed a message back and sent it before I had a chance to chicken out.

****B:** Maybe I could thank you in person tomorrow after work? **

It was only a few seconds before the phone rang in my hand; it was Paul of course. We agreed that I would meet him in La Push between work and his evening patrol shift. We said goodnight and I fell asleep quickly; my body and mind tired from the day's events.

* * *

 

There was a text waiting for me when I woke up Tuesday morning. I had thought it would be from Paul since I had spoken to him right before falling asleep the night before, but I flipped the phone open to find it was Jacob who'd sent a message so early.

****J:** I miss you. Will you talk to me if I call? **

It had been sent less than an hour ago, so I knew he'd be up. I saved the trouble of typing a message back and just called him myself. He said he didn't want to try to hash things out over the phone and asked if I could come out to La Push or if he could come to see me. I agreed to meet him at his place after his patrol shift that afternoon. I'd be getting off work at 3:00 and could easily be at his place to meet him when he finished at 4:00.

* * *

 

Waiting for the toaster to pop after I had gotten ready for work and headed to the kitchen, I realized that Jacob finishing patrol at 4:00 would mean I'd have less than half an hour to talk to him before I was supposed to meet Paul. I fought the urge to call Jake back and tell him I had forgotten I'd made plans, but knew it was important to clear things up with him, so I called Paul instead.

I left him a rambling voice mail when he didn't pick up, trying to explain to him that I would try to see him after I'd met with Jacob, but needed to try and clear things with him. I apologized about a thousand times, and asked him to call me if he could.

I regretted leaving the message as soon as I hung up. It would have been better to actually talk to him about it rather than leave the news in voice mail. I hoped he wouldn't be upset with me.

* * *

I had only a 15 minute break during my shift since I was only working 5 hours. I spent it texting back and forth with Paul. Sam had asked him to do some construction work for some extra spending money, and he was also supposed to be working so the progress wasn't as quick as I would have hoped.

**                          B: Did you get my message? **

He replied after a few minutes pause.

**                          P: Just checked. I get it, but I don't like it. **

**                          B: I need to talk to him. **

**                          P: I know. Still don't like it. He doesn't deserve the second chance. **   
**                              You'll be okay? **

**                          B: Yeah. Can I see you after if there's time? **

**P: If you still want to.  **   
**                              I have to go. Talk later. **

**                          B: OK **

** Paul's' POV **

To say I was pissed she was going to be seeing him, and not me, was an understatement; to say I wasn't green with fucking envy was a bald-faced lie. I wanted her to come and see me, and I sure as fuck didn't want her anywhere near that asshole Black and his fucking rude mouth. I wanted to run off and find him and tear him limb from limb for how he'd treated her.

Sam gave me a stern meaningful look, and I got back to framing the walls of the new addition to the grocery.

I could hear Bella's truck coming down the road long before it actually hit the part of town we were in, we all could. Jared looked over at me, wiggled his eyebrows and burst out in the biggest fucking guffaw I've heard from him, ever.

_Asshole._

"Fuck off, Cameron!" I spat bitterly in his direction.

"Jesus, what's got your panties in a twist today, Princess?" he scoffed back.

"Knock it off you two," Sam warned us. "And watch your language. Joy doesn't need to be apologizing to customers about you assholes."

Jared rolled his eyes at me behind Sam's back; Sam didn't even realized he was being a total hypocrite.

We were working on the store building for Joy Ateara; part of doing our bit for the council or some shit. We did more than our fair fucking share for the tribe if you asked me, but Sam said we could help her out, and it meant a pay check in the end, so I'd taken the work. It wasn't like the work was hard or anything, swinging a hammer and lifting lumber was pretty simple compared to ripping a vampire's head clean off.

Her truck drove right past the grocery, slowing and turning into Quileute Heights; at Black's house no doubt—unless she was stopping in at the Clearwaters' for some reason.

I knew Jacob was her friend, but that didn't mean I had to like the guy, or the fact that she was here to see him, and not me.

"Aw, looks like she's not here to see you, huh Paulie?" Quil's voiced mocked my own thoughts as he leaned over the edge of the roof where he'd been fixing the shingles. I lobbed the piece of 2x4 I'd been holding right at his head, which he managed to duck out of the way of just in time.

"Alright enough you guys," Sam barked. "Paul, go cool off. Stay away from Jacob's place though," he warned.

I'd been in a fucking foul mood all morning. Bella had sent me a text earlier saying that she was going to be meeting up with Jacob to try and sort things out. I'd been tempted to tell her I'd deal with his fucking attitude, but I knew I couldn't fight her battles for her. Black had treated her like shit, and if I got my hands on him I'd beat him bloody. She was early though—little miss punctuality—Black would be on patrol for another 20 minutes or so.

If she hadn't gone in to talk to Billy she'd probably be on the beach, which was where I was headed. I'd steer clear of Black if I saw him.  The last thing I needed was for Bella to see me lose my shit and fucking pound him, but maybe she'd be alone.

              _You're_  f _ucking pathetic._

I shook my head at myself, but walked through the parking lot that skirted First Beach anyway. I could see her sitting on a piece of driftwood with her back to me a few hundred feet ahead as soon as I stepped onto the beach from the South end of the parking lot. The breeze was blowing her loose hair around wildly as she watched the waves crash onto the beach. I walked quietly up the beach, stepped around the log and sat on the other end a few feet away from her. 

"Hi," she said, as she turned to look at me and a smile crept across her lips. I was just as fucking happy to see her. "Are you still mad about me talking to Jacob?" she asked sadly.

"I'm not mad. Not at you," I clarified, shaking my head. "I could fucking kill him for how he treated you though."

"I guess it was only a matter of time until you heard about that." She shifted on the log turning to face me more and moving closer. "Who told you?"

"Quil let it slip yesterday after I left your place," I explained.

She nodded and pulled her hair over one shoulder to try to keep it under control from the wind. She looked so fucking beautiful. Her bottom lip disappeared between her teeth, and she dropped her eyes to the weathered wood between us.

Her voice was so fucking tiny when she finally asked, "Did you hear...everything?" Her cheeks were glowing pink when she looked back up at me, and her eyes were intense.

The nice little confession she’d thrown in Jacob's face had nearly knocked me on my ass. It had been running on a nearly constant loop since I'd first heard her say it in Quil's mind yesterday.

             "No, I'm going to fuck him because I want to!"

Replaying her words in my head made it impossible not to fucking smile at her, which only made her blush more; even third hand, it was unbelievably fucking hot.

"Yeah," I said trying to get my stupid fucking grin under control before her face ignited.

She looked away again, but only for a moment. When she looked back the expression on her face had changed into a look that threatened to make me hard instantly; the smile left my face in a hurry as I reeled to catch up with her. She was off the make-shift bench and in front of me, her mouth on mine, before the shift in mood had registered fully.

Having her confession in the open seemed to be fuel to the already smouldering fire that was always there when we were together.

She kissed me hard, perching herself in my lap with one knee on the log on either side of me. My careful restraint dissolved as soon as she sat on my rapidly hardening cock. I needed to touch her.

One of her hands knotted in the hair at the back of my head, effectively holding my mouth to hers as the cool fingers of her other hand ran freely over the bare skin of my shoulder and chest.

I ran my hand up her thighs, over her sweet little ass and up under the hem of her shirt. It was a cool day and she had on long sleeves and long pants, but I needed to feel her skin.

Her cold hand brushed over my nipple making me take a hissed sharp breath with the shock, tearing my mouth from hers. She looked me right in the eyes and ran her thumb over the other one intentionally.

"Fuck, Bella," I gasped, and ran my hand across the skin of her back, over her ribs and cupped her breast in my hand, tweaking her nipple through the thin material of her bra. She moaned and I pulled her forward with my hand on her back to meet my mouth again, her weight shifting to rest fully on my now aching dick.

I was going to have to start bringing a condom with me whenever I left the house if things were going to keep going the way they had been; two days in a row now I'd lamented the fact that I had come unprepared.

Just as that thought crossed my mind, she seemed to withdraw from me slowly. She broke her mouth away and shifted her weight back again. She relaxed the grip she had on my hair and let her hand rest lightly on my neck, her fingers tracing little circles in the hair at the nape sending chills along my spine.

I forced my hand off of her breast and let it fall to her waist, but kept it against her skin which was puckered with goose bumps like Braille under my fingers.

"Sorry," she panted, looking at me with still hooded eyes.

"Why?" I leaned in and kissed her again quickly, just a little taste, but I had to. She didn't protest.

"I'm not, really," she laughed a short stilted laugh through panting breaths.

"Good, me neither."

"I do need to talk to Jake, though," she added.

Neither of us made a move for a long while. We just sat there watching each other, fingers trailing lines of electricity over skin.

Finally, I heard a sharp whistle down the beach, and knew without turning around that it would be Sam calling me back before Jacob showed up. I raised my arm in a wave to let him know I'd heard him and I'd be right there.

I nodded. "I should get back."

I lowered my hands to her hips and stood up, capturing her lips on the way. I put her down in the sand and let my hands roam a little further down her curves to the swell of her ass. I kissed her slow and deep, savouring the feel of her hands urging me closer.

Just before I dragged myself away from her, I pulled her right hand from where it ran over my stomach and brought her palm to my lips. Her fingers curled around my nose and I inhaled deeply. I was fucking grateful for my wolf enhanced sense of smell as a faint scent lingered on her fingers which I drew into my mouth hoping for a taste too.

Her swollen lips parted as she drew a ragged breath in watching me intently.

She'd fulfilled the task I'd set for her yesterday, and I could smell her sweet cunt on her fingers where she'd touched herself like I'd asked her to.

_Fuck me!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Phew. Formatting this chapter was tough! dreams, thoughts, text, speaking...good thing there was no mind-link thoughts in this one. Hopefully it all makes sense given all the different perspectives.


	23. Mood Swings

** Jacob's POV **

Bella's truck was parked in front of the garage when I walked through the yard after patrol. I knew she was coming out to talk but it still caught me a little off guard. She said she'd see me sometime after my shift was done. Oh well.

I popped my head in the house, but Dad said she just went straight down to the beach when she got there. I grabbed an apple out of the bowl on the counter and headed down to find her.

I nearly choked on the last bite of apple as I rounded the corner of the path leading to the beach and saw them there—together.

She was sitting across his lap on the big old drift wood log that had been there forever—her favourite spot to sit and think—what I had come to think of as  _our spot_. Her hands were around the back of his neck and she was able to look him right in the eye from her seat across his legs. I could see his hand tucked just under the hem of her shirt, brushing lightly over her skin. The wind was blowing too strong for me to hear what they said, but it was easy to see that they were completely wrapped up in each other.

He kissed her and she ducked her head as she laughed; even though I couldn't hear her, I knew the sound and it cut through me like a dull knife.

She was happy. She smiled at him; the look on her face, even from this distance, was one that she'd never given me.  Watching them together fucking hurt, but I couldn't turn away.

Sam stepped out from the parking lot near Ateara's grocery and whistled to get Paul's attention, turning back as soon as he'd been acknowledged.

Paul stood up, taking Bella with him and put her down on her feet. His hands were everywhere as he kissed her goodbye. I couldn't take it anymore; I had to turn back down the path. If I watched any more of this I'd wind up going out there and getting into it with him and things were already messed up enough with Bells. I'd wait for him to leave.

** Paul's POV **

I didn't like the idea of her meeting with Black. I couldn't stand thinking about how he had treated her, and why she thought she needed to clear things over with him was beyond me; she had made it clear that it was important to her, so I could only go along with it.

She'd also made it clear, exceedingly so, that she didn't regret what she had said to Jacob about wanting to fuck me, and that there was a definite pull between us. It was that pull that had me turning around for one last look before I walked up the path to the parking lot, just in time to see Black sit down in the sand next to her. My wolf scratched below the surface, ready to tear into him, but I fought back the urge.

_Let her do this on her own, Lahote.  
             You've got to walk away_.

It was a lot fucking harder to do than it was to think, that was for sure.

** Jacob's POV **

When I walked down the path a few minutes later, Bella was sitting on the worn log facing out to the water with her knees pulled up to her chest and her arms wrapped around them. I walked the few hundred feet to her and sat in the sand with my back against the log.

She didn't look at me.

I could smell Paul all over her combined with a mix of her own scents, too. The happiness I'd witnessed in her only a few minutes earlier was replaced with a bitter sadness, and anger directed fully at me. I deserved it. I'd acted like a total jerk, and I had to figure out some way of making it up to her or I was going to lose her completely.

Finally, she turned her head toward me and rested her cheek on her knees.

** Bella's POV **

I didn't know what to say to him. I missed him like crazy, and I was still really, really angry with him. He was sitting next to me and I couldn't think of a single word to say. I could feel his gaze on me and I finally turned my head to look at him.

"Hey Jake," I sighed.

"Hi." His voice was quiet and sad. He pressed his lips together tightly a moment and let his eyes fall to the sand beside him.

We sat quietly, listening to the waves crash to the shore, for what felt like a long time before he finally spoke up again.

"Bells, I'm sorry. I was..." I turned to look at him again and he stopped abruptly, his brow furrowing in concentration.

"Rude?" I prompted him.

He nodded. "Yeah, and totally..." His eyes closed and he tilted his head back drawing in a deep breath before letting it out in a huge sigh, his shoulders slumping against the driftwood. I waited for him to finish. "I was totally out of line, Bells. It just got to me, you know?" He looked up at me with a hopeful look, like I'd be able to read what he was trying to tell me without him having to say the words.

I was pretty sure I could but I wasn't about to let him off the hook that easily. I was still hurt that he had treated me the way he had. "No, Jake, I don't know."

He turned in the sand so he could rest his elbows on the log next to me. He dug his thumbnail into a crack in the wood before sighing again and running his hands roughly through his hair. With his head bent and his hands on the back of his neck, he spoke into the log and told me what he was having such trouble putting into words.

"I saw you with him just now, Bells, and I get it."

I hadn't realized that Paul and I hadn't been alone; truthfully I had been completely oblivious to my surroundings, so I wasn't surprised.

"I can see it—the way you look at him, Bella. It's how I always wanted you to see me, but you just don't," Jacob continued. He let his hands fall to the wood and tipped his head back up to look at me. "Do you?"

I shook my head a moment before I was able to answer him properly. "I'm sorry Jake. I don't." He looked away from me again.

I let go of the tight grip I had on my knees and putting my feet down to the sand, I reached over and took his hand. It didn't feel weird or forced like I had thought it might; he was still my best friend, even if he had acted like a jealous bonehead.

"You really like him don't you?" he asked, his voice pained. I didn't have a chance to answer, before Jake had looked at me and started nodding. "It's pretty obvious," he said with a huff.

"I still don't think he's good enough for you, Bells." His body language had changed suddenly from utter defeat to defiance. He shifted into the role of protective brother from jealous crush seamlessly. "I swear to God, if he hurts you, at all, I'll fucking rip him apart."

"Jake..." I started but he interrupted me with wide intense eyes and a determined set to his jaw.

"Seriously Bella, if he hurts you I'll kill him," he nodded.

Great, now not only was my dad threatening to shoot Paul if he hurt me, Jacob was going to be there to finish the job if the bullet didn't take down a giant supernatural wolf.

I shivered and wrapped my arms around myself. The wind was cold, and I was tired from the anxiety I'd put myself through leading up to this talk.

"Come on Bells, let's go. We can have something to eat and then I want to show you what I'm working on in the garage." He stood up in one fluid motion and pulled me to my feet, and then stopped abruptly and looked at me with a serious expression again. "We can still hang out, right?" He asked, worried all of a sudden.

"Of course!" I pulled him toward the path leading back up the hill to his place.

** Paul's POV **

The rest of the afternoon dragged past. I had hoped that I would get to see Bella again before she left the Rez, but I hadn't heard her truck before I'd had to relieve Embry on patrol. I hoped like hell that Black hadn't managed to convince her to drop me; I wouldn't be holding back from beating his ass if that were the case. I fought with myself not to send her a message before I left; I told her I'd give her space to deal with his bullshit.

Leah wasn't in a much better mood than I was—things with the guy from Lake Pleasant had come to an abrupt halt when she found out he was married—so the four hour patrol felt like an absolute fucking eternity. I was exhausted and bitchy as hell when I got back home, and crashed immediately.

* * *

 

I wasn't much better off when I woke up in the morning to a thumping sound and shouting—I'd overslept.

"Rise and shine sleeping beauty! We were supposed to be at Ateara's 15 minutes ago you lazy ass, get up!"  Jared hollered at me, knocking his fist against the door frame. He turned on his heel and headed down the hall as he continued talking. "You got any coffee?"

I heard him rummaging in the kitchen as I got up and rushed to get ready for another day of construction. I was working with Sam and the guys again today and I knew Bella was on the afternoon shift at Newton's, so I likely wouldn't be seeing her until tomorrow at the earliest. I remembered that she'd spent the day with Black yesterday instead of me, and the bitter jealousy that I hated rose up in me again.

Walking into the kitchen I grabbed my phone off the table and flipped it open, hoping, uselessly, for a message from her. I snapped it shut as Jared poured boiling water over instant coffee in a couple of travel cups.

"What? Did Bella dump your ass or something? You've been a bitch since yesterday," he scoffed, handing me one of the cups.

I grabbed an apple from the fridge knowing that Emily would be by around lunch time to feed all of us. "Just drop it, okay?"

I didn't know if Bella had dumped me—you'd think if she had, I'd know about it by now—but I had a feeling it would only be a matter of time now that she was back on speaking terms with fucking golden boy, Black.

Like the pussy whipped son of a bitch I seemed to have turned into over the last week, all it took to sort my head out was a mid-morning call from Bella. She apologized for not seeing me yesterday and not texting to let me know. She'd wound up staying at Black’s until well after I'd been running with Leah and listening to her call the entire Male population down into the mud. I must have been on the far side of the territory because I didn't hear her truck at all. She asked if we could do something tomorrow evening, suggesting a movie, since she'd been asked to stay late tonight for inventory and was working in the afternoon tomorrow.

She still wanted to see me; pathetic or not, that's all I really fucking cared about. She hadn't sounded like things had changed between us at all. All I'd have to do is manage to keep my fucking hands to myself—somehow.

** Bella's POV **

When Mrs. Newton asked me to work late, my heart sank a little. I had been hoping to get out to La Push to see Paul since my talk with Jacob had taken much longer than I anticipated yesterday. I called Paul on my break and he seemed to understand, and agreed to watch a movie the following evening. I'd said I would go right out there after work.

* * *

 

Driving the 15 miles to La Push after my shift on Wednesday, I was hit with a sudden attack of nerves. Despite the comfort level Paul and I had achieved with one another when I was staying at his house, I was anxious about being alone with him there tonight. I didn't trust myself. I wished I had put a little more thought into what I had put on to go to work that morning. The heat wave had made a renewed effort, and Mrs. Newton said to dress cool since the store wasn't air conditioned. I glanced at myself in the rear-view mirror, kicking myself for pulling my hair back that morning. I pulled the elastic from the end of the braid and combed my fingers through it while keeping one eye on the road. I shook my hair out and took another glance in the mirror. I was already pulling into the town so that would have to do. I pulled onto Alder Street and parked in the driveway in front of the little green house at the end. Before getting out of the truck I found a tube of lip balm in my purse and took one last look in the mirror.

_Get a grip! He's already seen you looking a lot worse._

I took a deep breath and made my way up to the house, trying to tell myself that today was no different than the last few we had spent together—it felt a lot different.


	24. Movie Night - Take 2

** Bella's POV **

We were supposed to be watching a movie, but we hadn't really seen much of the vampire/werewolf abomination Quil had brought over last week.

Instead, we had watched each other.

Surreptitiously at first; each stealing glances at the other as we sat next to one another on the worn old sofa with our fingers entwined. Soon, the stolen glances weren't enough. The film wasn't holding my attention at all, but Paul had me mesmerized. I found my greedy eyes poring over his striking face; the rich caramel colour of his smooth skin broken only by the shadow of dark stubble along his strong square jaw, his dark eyes rimmed by thick lashes and set deep between captivating arched brows and high angled cheek bones, his straight nose leading to the delightful little divot perched above his lips. A chill ran down my spine as my eyes landed on his luscious mouth. His top lip, arched with a perfect Cupid's bow, was thinner than its full lower counterpart, both a soft shade of pink reminiscent of cotton candy. I knew them to be nearly as sweet to the taste and craved the taste of them again.

He slowly turned toward me as my survey of his face concluded at his mouth. He leisurely ran his tongue over that sweet pouty bottom lip, and I practically launched myself at him in response.

** Paul's POV **

When we had talked after that first episode in the kitchen and decided to give this thing happening between us a chance, Bella said she needed to move slower. I agreed; of course I agreed. I wanted this girl, and if that's how she would have me, I'd take it. I had made sure that the time we spent together since then didn't allow for too much privacy; being around her made me lose my mind and I didn't want to push her—not too fast anyway.

Good intentions aside, somehow we were sitting in my living room, alone, side by side with our fingers entwined, the evening light waning. Her fingers brushed lightly over the back of my hand and I could feel her eyes on me. I revelled in the feeling her watching me stirred within; my dick twitching and swelling in search of her. I tried to behave, but before long, the movie was completely forgotten.

Fuck, I wanted her.

She shivered and her heart rate kicked up a notch. I tried not to, but couldn't help turning to see what had stirred the reaction in her. Her eyes were hooded with lust and those soft pink lips parted as I turned to face her. The scent of her arousal hit me full force and I couldn't help licking my lips. I wanted to taste the source of that mouth-watering aroma.

I pulled her roughly to me, trying to remind myself to be gentle with her. I positioned her across my lap, her dress riding up her thighs. I devoured her perfect mouth; lips and tongues and teeth hungrily colliding. Her breathing came in big laboured pants, and when she broke her mouth from mine in a gasp for air I sunk my unfulfilled lips to her heaving chest. I could fucking taste desire on her skin as I licked and nipped my way along the smooth white surface of every inch of exposed skin. I pushed her sweater over her shoulders as I continued my path and she quickly dropped it to the floor, her arms circling around my neck a second later.

She clutched the hair at the back of my neck as I ran my tongue over the swell of her breast just above the neckline of her dress. The thin fabric of her dress was both in my way and saving me from losing all self control. Almost against my will, my hand snaked under it and trailed over the bare skin of her back.

She ground that hot body of hers against me, making me fucking crazy. I'd had to get her off my lap; the temptation of that sweet little pussy so close to my aching cock was more than I could handle.

** Bella's POV **

Watching each other had become touching each other, and tasting each other, until we found ourselves as a tangled mess of limbs sprawled out, partially disrobed, on the floor in his living room. His shirt had been discarded and had been followed shortly after by the sundress I had worn to work that afternoon, both joining my cardigan on the carpet.

I was laid out beneath him in nothing but my cotton bra and bikini briefs, but the only thing that made me feel self conscious was that they didn't match—I'd never had a reason to be concerned about it before now.

He didn't seem to mind my mismatched underwear at all. He had touched, smelled, kissed and licked every inch of my exposed skin but purposefully avoided touching the parts of me still hidden behind my plain undergarments, which only served to make me desire just that. I wanted him.

I wanted all of him.

** Paul's POV **

_How the fuck did I get here?_

We were supposed to be watching a cheesy horror flick. Instead I was lying on the worn brown carpet of my living room dry humping a girl who's way too fucking good for me, her pert little body writhing beneath me and making me lose my fucking mind.

Bella wasn't like the other women I'd been with; she wasn't a skanky high school chick, or a drunken bar slut, or a bored housewife. No, she was a nice girl. She was sweet and kind and innocent. I didn't know what to do with her, but I had better fucking figure it out soon. If things kept going the way they were, Bella Swan was going to give me something I was completely un-fucking-worthy of, her virginity.

Her hand slid down my chest between our bodies to the waistband of my shorts. Her fingers were always so fucking cold it felt like little lines of electricity being dragged over my skin. I could feel the wolf growling and clawing inside—to take over—but I couldn't let her do that yet. I took her hands and put them one at a time back around my neck and shoulders. If she touched my aching cock I would lose what little control I still had, and she wasn't ready for that yet.

I wasn't ready for that yet. I was still convinced that if she let me fuck her she'd be done with me soon after. I didn't want her to be done with me, so I had to drag this out as long as I could.

God damn it, if my girl wasn't determined though; she went right back to trying to strip my shorts from me.

_My girl?_

Fuck, I loved the sound of that!

**_My_**   _girl!_

"Bella, stop," I pleaded with her, nuzzling into her soft white neck.

"But I want to touch you," she whined. She sounded like a spoiled child, which actually helped me focus.

"Fuck, woman, we're already pushing the limits of my will power here. Are you trying to kill me?" I growled, pulling her hands away again and pinning them to the floor next to her head.

"No," she whimpered, shaking her head side to side, her eyes flickering with some hidden mischief. "I'm trying to get you naked, so I can have my way with you," she said and giggled. The giggle that made me rock hard every time I heard it. The same fucking giggle that was going to be my undoing, if I didn't put an end to this now.

"Bella wait," I insisted, pulling myself up onto my elbow. She'd pulled her hands away; I hadn't held her tight enough because I was afraid to hurt her. Her porcelain skin bruised if I looked at her too hard it seemed, and I was sure I'd left marks on her already. An experience I wasn't in a hurry to repeat.

"Paul, I don't want to wait any more," she exhaled. Then instead of going for my shorts, she arched her back, pressing her tits against my chest and unhooked her bra.

_Fuck!_

She tossed the bra across the room. I couldn't move. This beautiful creature was practically begging me to fuck her and all I could do was stare down at her slack-jawed.

_Pull yourself together Lahote!_

** Bella's POV **

His face was pained when he said my name as a question, "Bella?"

"I'm ready, Paul." I moved my hands back down the firm planes of his stomach finding the button of his shorts a third time. He didn't grab my hands away this time, but paused me after I popped the button open and began lowering the zipper.

"Are you sure?" he asked, his voice deep and low. I answered him by opening his zipper and sliding my hand inside his boxers to wrap around his smooth, hard length. I had no idea what I was doing, but ran my hand over him experimentally; enjoying the weight of him in my hand and the reaction it drew from him.

"Oh, fuck!" he hissed, throwing his head back.

"Yes, please," I purred with a smirk, which was wiped from my face as Paul bent his head to my breast and sucked my already beaded nipple into his hot mouth.

"Oh God!" I gasped.

"I'm sure," I moaned as Paul's warm fingers rolled my other nipple as he teased the first with a flick of his tongue.

He suddenly slid his hands under my shoulder blades and drew me up with him as he sat up on his heels. Standing up fully he wrapped my legs around his hips, supporting my weight by my thighs like I weighed nothing at all. I wrapped my arms around his broad shoulders, pressing my breasts to his chest. "Bed," was all he grunted in answer to the unspoken question that must have been on my face before devouring my mouth while walking the short distance down the hall to the bedroom.

He put one knee on the mattress and leaned forward on one hand, holding my body to his with one arm.  I uncrossed my ankles from where they were locked behind his firm butt, and he gently lowered me to the bed. The sheets were cool from the night air coming in through the window and my nipples peaked hard. Goose bumps crawled across my flesh as Paul unraveled his body from mine; standing at the foot of the bed and pushing his already open cut-offs down over his hips to fall to the floor. I shuddered involuntarily at the loss of his warmth.

He crawled back onto the bed, the mattress sinking on either side of me with his weight as he slowly moved up my body, stopping along the way to place small kisses on my skin: my toes, my left ankle and then my right, my shin, my knee, both thighs, until he reached the left elastic leg band of my purple cotton panties, which he nipped gently with his teeth.

Then, for the second time in just over a week, he buried his face in my lap and inhaled; his breath escaping from him in a shudder as he drew his face away from my crotch. It was far too erotic for me to even consider getting embarrassed this time.

** Paul's POV **

The air was redolent with the sweet, tart muskiness of her soaked cunt and I buried my face between her legs.

_This is, without a doubt, my favorite place on Earth._

I breathed the intoxicating aroma in deep, and I could feel my wolf tremble within me sending tremors through my entire body. I hooked my fingers into the waistband of her purple cotton underwear.

_Purple could easily be my new favorite colour._

"I want to taste you," I rasped. My voice was unrecognisable. I looked to her a moment, and when she didn't stop me I pulled the purple scrap of cotton from the temple I would spend the rest of my days worshipping if I had a say in it...if she'd let me.

All I could do was stare down at her again. She lay naked before me on my bed with her soft brown curls pooled around her head and shoulders. Her creamy white skin practically glowed in the dim light, contrasting beautifully against the light blue bed sheets. She looked up at me, her brown eyes hooded in longing.

_She's so fucking beautiful...and she wants me._

The thick, husky sound of her voice pulled me out of my trance-like state.

"Paul, you're still wearing too many clothes," she breathed, with the fucking cutest little quirk of her lips.

_How did I get so fucking lucky?_

I couldn't help but smile back at her. She was lying there naked in my bed and practically ordering me to strip. Who was I to argue with the woman?

I left her for just enough time to rip my boxers off. I hardly wore the damn things anymore—they only became a nuisance with phasing—but I had taken to wearing them again when seeing Bella in a vain attempt to tame the raging hard-on I always seemed to sport in her presence.

I watched her face as her eyes raked over me; her eyebrows rising, eyes widening slightly and her teeth trapping her swollen pink lip between her teeth. Fuck, I still couldn't believe this girl wanted me, but it was clear she did.

I pushed her thighs apart as I crawled back up the bed between her legs. She watched me intently with heavy lidded eyes, her soft red lips parted as her breath caught. I landed a kiss on that perfect mouth before settling myself between her thighs.

If there was one thing fucking around with bored married women had taught me, it was how to get a woman off using nothing more than my mouth. They had never been shy about telling me exactly what they wanted and as it turned out, I was a quick study. I wanted to make my girl feel good and this was going to be just the start.

Keeping eye contact with her, I lay on my stomach, pushing her thighs wide and tucked my shoulders under her bent knees. I hooked my right arm around her thigh and laid my hand on her stomach to keep her still until I was ready for her to move with me. I wanted her to feel me build the tension in her first. She wasn't nervous at all, I could tell by her scent; her breathing was heavy and her heart pounded but the smells coming from her were pure excitement and anticipation.

I drew my eyes away from hers to take in the bounty before me. I sighed, letting my breath blow over her glistening pink folds causing her to shudder. A growl ripped from me before I could rein my wolf in; he clawed just below the surface of my control wanting to take her now.

_We need to taste her._

I licked her magnificent, saturated pussy with one big lash of my greedy tongue to appease the need of the animal within me, and flicked her tight little clit. I held her hips firmly to the mattress as she jerked up into my mouth in response.

That first taste was pure, fucking heaven.

"Fuck, Bella, I could live here," I practically purred, looking back up at her. She was watching every move I made intently.

I settled into a tried and true pattern of quick teasing laps of my tongue that had her panting in no time. Her hips bucked up into me, meeting my keen mouth, but I held her firmly where I wanted her.

Soft whimpers began in the back of her throat and she threw her head back. I slowly released my hold on her hips and she writhed under me as I ran my hand up to tease her pert nipple.

I wanted to know her orgasm with all of my senses.

What did she feel like as she fell over the edge in to ecstasy?

What would her face look like? Would her cheeks flush pink?

_Fuck, I love when she blushes._

How would she smell?

Taste?

She was so close. I needed to know.

** Bella's POV **

"Come for me, Bella," he murmured against my clit before locking it in his lips and releasing another growl, sending me flying over the edge at his words. I felt my walls clamp tight and my back arched off the bed as I cried out in pure bliss.

"Oh God! Paul!" I shouted incoherently as my climax ripped through me. I'd had orgasms at my own hand before, but nothing I had experienced could compare to the heights I soared to under Paul's ministrations.

"That's right," he crooned, gently nuzzling my clit. As my wave of pleasure subsided, he let his hand casually rest on my breast and laid his head on my thigh, looking up at me with the most serene smile across his lips.

My heart stuttered looking at the breathtaking sight of him looking so peaceful. I'd never witnessed tranquility like that in him before, and it filled me with satisfaction.

The calm was short lived, however.

I wanted more.


	25. More

** Bella's POV **

"Paul," I said, leaning to stroke my hand through his hair, "come here?" I pleaded.

He rose to his elbow, smoothing his hand down my ribs to my hip. He flowed up my body like liquid. With one muscled leg resting between mine, he held his weight just above me on his elbows. His heat wrapped around me like a cocoon. I could feel his hardened length pressed to my inner thigh, stirring the longing that pooled in the pit of my stomach.

He smoothed my hair from my face and kissed me tenderly. The taste of my own arousal on his lips and tongue sent a new surge of wetness between my legs.

The kiss quickly deepened as fever bloomed between us again. I hitched my knee over his hip, holding him to me tight with my heel on the back of his thigh. His mouth trailed down my neck and I clutched his back raking my nails lightly over the muscles of his taut shoulders.

He shifted his hips so his erection pressed flat to my already throbbing centre, rocking against me in a delectable appetiser of what was to come. I hitched my other leg up and pulled myself up to meet him by arching my back. My body knew exactly what it wanted and acted on instinct. My panting breath broke into a husky moan as his teeth nipped lightly at the skin on my shoulder.

He slid his thick length against my dripping folds, eliciting a gasp from my mouth before he covered it hungrily with his own.

"Do you like that, Bella?" he whispered into my mouth between kisses.

He repeated the slick drag over my throbbing clit.

"Yes," I purred.

"Do you want more?" he teased, pulling away infinitesimally.

"Yes," I moaned.

"Yes, what, Bella?" he questioned.

"Yes, please," I gasped.  "Please, Paul." I wasn't above begging him, and he knew it.

Instead of giving me more of his sweet torture, he pulled himself away from me completely. He quickly sat back on his heels at the end of the bed reaching back with his long arm to the dresser, his intentions registering in my lust addled mind a second before I had a chance to protest his absence. I watched keenly as he opened the square foil packet and rolled the condom down to his hilt before smoothing himself over my aching body again.

"Now, where was I?" he mused. His voice was like liquid fire sent straight from my ear to the smoldering core of my desire. "Oh yeah..." 

Once more, he dragged his hot length down over me and hitched the blunt head of his shaft just inside the swollen, saturated opening of my folds, causing an inexplicable guttural sound to fall from my mouth at his first foray.

He began a slow rocking motion with his hips as his mouth crashed to mine again. He gently nudged into me with just the tip of his length and withdrew; like the rest of him, it felt extraordinarily hot.

The gentle pull of my walls stretching to accommodate him filled my senses. I quivered with the anticipation of feeling him fully sheathed within me. My hips bucked up to meet his controlled, shallow thrusts and I felt a sharp pull deep within.

He stilled his torturously deliberate motion and pulled his lips from mine. He raised his hand to my face and looked deep into my eyes, silently asking permission. I raised my hips to meet his again, and he thrust forward quick and smoothly, breaking through the barrier, encasing himself deep inside me.

I gasped with the shock as the burning sensation overtook me, causing my eyes to clench tightly closed. He stilled completely and caressed my cheek.

"Look at me," he asked. I concentrated on riding out the pain I had underestimated. "Open your eyes, Baby? Please?" he pleaded, running his thumb lightly over my cheekbone.

My eyes fluttered open to see him looking down on me with weighted concern.

"Are you okay?"

"Yes," I answered instinctually.

_**No!**_

"It burns," I explained, "but it's better now," I reassured. I hadn't anticipated the pain to be so severe, but I also hadn't expected Paul's tender response. His compassion was in contrast to the smug bravado he usually projected; it warmed me from the inside out.

He held impossibly still, staring down at me. His arms cradled around my head and shoulders in a sweet and protective embrace, his finger tips lightly stroking my hair.

I tentatively moved my hips up into his, willing him into motion. "Move please, Paul? I'm okay."

He gently withdrew a small amount and rocked back into me, drawing a moan. The pain was still there but the friction had a sweet pleasure to it too. He brushed my hair away from my face again and repeated the motion slowly a second time, a third, more.

My breathing became a laboured pant as his measured rhythm escalated gradually. A coiling tension started in my stomach slowly as the burning subsided, consumed by the delicious friction.

Our skin grew slick with perspiration and our bodies slid deliciously against one another as we moved synchronously as one. My fingers curled into the tight muscles of his back searching for purchase; my short nails threatening to puncture the smooth surface of his skin.

"Fuck, Bella," he growled in my ear, "you're so tight."

I could only groan in response.

"You feel so fucking good!" his rumbling voice at my ear drawing me closer to the edge of pleasure again.

I moaned his name, forcing a choked gasp from his hot lips as they caressed my throat.

"Say it again?" he begged me.

The pace of his withdrawal and returning plunge picked up gradually, and my hips pushed up to meet each of his thrusts.

"Paul," I breathed; his responding guttural moan drawing me precariously close to culmination.

I could feel my walls flutter around him; the burn deep within me felt as though my insides had been set on fire. I was teetering on the edge as he buried his face in the curve of my neck and hummed in pleasure. "Yeah, that's right, Bella," he purred. "Let go, Baby. I've got you." He clutched me to his chest, holding me off the mattress and thrust deep, sending me soaring into orgasm again.

His rhythm broke right after and he thrust hard into me a couple more strokes before shouting as his own climax shook through him. "Fuck! Bella!" he growled.

He collapsed down to the bed still holding his full weight off of me with his forearm across my back.

I lay there still, wrapped in his arms listening to the steady thump-thump of his heart with my cheek pressed to the sweat dampened skin of his chest. My breathing was more like panting and I could feel the flush of my skin. Small aftershocks of fulfilment pulsed through me and I savoured the feeling.

When our breathing had calmed and our heart rates returned to normal, he pulled himself back to gaze down at me, giving me breathtaking smile. With a light kiss he withdrew from me causing us both to gasp at the sensation. He rolled on to his back and disposed of the condom in the wastebasket next to the bed. Turning back to me, he wrapped his arm around my shoulder and drew me to his chest, placing a tender kiss on my forehead and pulling the sheet over us.

It was several moments before either of us moved or spoke. I reveled in the feeling of great satisfaction that surrounded me as I snuggled into his warm chest. The concept of basking in the afterglow made perfect sense to me now.

After what seemed like both a long silence, and no time at all, Paul tucked his bent knuckle under my chin to make me look up at him.

"Stay?" he said softly, a hopeful look written clearly across his face; so much hinging on that single word question.

I didn't want to be anywhere other than right where I was, but couldn't have told him otherwise with the plaintive look he was giving me even if I did. I simply nodded, but after a brief thought I added, "I'll have to text Charlie." I'd hate for him to worry why I hadn't come home and show up here in the middle of the night. Luckily, I'd spent so much time in La Push over the past few months that he hopefully wouldn't question my staying, or my telling him via text message.

"I'll get your phone. Wait here," he said, gently pulling himself from under me and slipping from the bed. He walked out the bedroom door, giving me a nice view of his bare backside as he went. He was so comfortable in his skin that walking around naked clearly didn't bother him in the slightest.

              _It doesn’t bother me either if he wants to walk around naked. A girl could get used to the view._

He returned a moment later with my phone and a glass of water. He passed me the phone and sat on the edge of the bed with one knee tucked up so he could face me, and watched as I quickly sent a message to Charlie. A simple 'Staying in La Push' was all I sent, the same as all the other times I had stayed overnight on the Reservation over the past few months. He knew where I was and who I was with, and I knew he'd have something to say about it when I saw him tomorrow, but it didn't matter at that moment.

Paul passed me the glass after drinking a mouthful himself. When I'd finished with the water, he took both the empty glass and my phone and put them on the bedside table, and returned to his previous position next to me in the bed.

Nothing more was said. He placed another tender kiss to my brow and held me close to his chest. It wasn't long before his warmth wrapped around me and the complete relaxation I felt had me drifting into a peaceful sleep.


	26. Scambled Eggs and Sour Grapes

** Paul’s POV **

I wrapped my arms around her, and she fell asleep within minutes. It was so fucking strange to have her in my bed—in my arms—right where I had wanted her for the last couple of weeks. I'd never slept with anyone before, well, except for her that first night, but that didn't really count; neither of us had planned on that happening. I'd never wanted a woman to spend the night. Hell, it had never been an option because I'd never brought anyone back to my house before; I'd never fucked anyone in my own bed. And I had never, ever been emotionally involved with someone I had sex with; that was a real mind-fuck.

I played the whole thing over and over again in my head, lying there with her in my arms. Sex had never been like that for me; I'd had more than the wolf's share of varied experience, but nothing like tonight. I was completely connected to her, I wanted to give her everything, and I was pretty sure she felt that connection too; we were so in sync with each other.

I had never been with a virgin before either, not that I knew of anyway. It had fucking killed me to see the pain flash across her face.

              _I called her baby?_

I don't even know where the fuck that had come from. It wasn't the typical 'babe' or 'girl' I used when I couldn't remember the chick's name. It just fell out of my mouth, but it totally fit her.

None of it made any fucking sense, but I wasn't about to fight it, it felt too good having her here.

I didn't get much sleep; I was going to be a wreck for patrol in the morning. I laid there watching her as she slept; she's so fucking gorgeous. I'd spend every night awake if it meant she was in my bed.

_Fuck, I hope she isn't planning on kicking my ass to the curb._

* * *

I must have drifted off at some point in the night, because I woke up just before dawn to Bella snuggling into my chest and murmuring my name. It made me fucking hard, and I had to get up or I would end up molesting her in her sleep. Fuck it killed me to get out of the bed though.

** Bella's POV **

I could tell immediately that Paul wasn't in bed when I woke up the next morning; I missed his warmth. I was sad for a moment before I heard him moving around in the kitchen. I rolled onto my back and felt a sharp tenderness within me and was reminded of the previous night's activities that had resulted in that discomfort. My cheeks warmed at the memory. I cautiously stretched and found I was sore in other places too; the muscles in my inner thighs and abdomen burned a little and I could feel that my lips were raw and swollen.

I sat up and looked around for my clothes before remembering that most of them had been left in the living room, but I couldn't even find my panties. There was one of Paul's sleeveless t-shirts on the chair by the door.

_I guess that will have to do._

It had a faint hint of his earthy scent, and I breathed it in deeply as I pulled it over my head. It was practically long enough to be a dress on me, and the neckline threatened to fall over a shoulder.

I opened the door—that I had never actually seen closed before now—and followed the smell of coffee down the hallway to the kitchen.

"Hey," Paul said, looking up from the counter at me as soon as I walked through the doorway; he was pouring a cup of coffee.

"'Morning," I replied quietly, watching as he stirred a spoonful of sugar into the cup. I slowly walked the few steps into the kitchen toward him, suddenly nervous despite the intimacy we had shared last night.

He turned and passed me the cup with a coy grin. I smiled back and took a sip. It surprised me that he knew how I took my coffee; black with one sugar.

"I put your clothes in the washer, but I don't think I’ll give them back," he purred, putting his hand on my hip and appraising me as he took a step closer. "You look so fucking sexy in my shirt, Bella," he crooned, as he bent his mouth to the skin of my shoulder exposed by the wide neck of the shirt.

He trailed open-mouth kisses up the side of my throat from my shoulder to my jaw. He blindly took the coffee cup away from me again and placed it on the stove top beside us, and pulled me closer to him. I wound my now free hands around his waist as he continued his trail of kisses along my jaw and back down the other side, shifting the neckline of the shirt to expose my collar bone.

When I had woken up this morning, I had felt self-conscious and had doubted what would happen between Paul and I after having sex, but those thoughts fled from my mind at high speed. His hands held me firm with one splayed across my ribs and the other across my lower back arching me into him. My own slid up his bare back to his shoulder blades, where I dug my fingertips into the strong, bunching muscles there.

My head was spinning and I could feel the yearning building within me. I hadn't anticipated such a welcoming good morning when I walked into the small kitchen.

He lashed his tongue flat across my collar bone eliciting a moan from my mouth, and I clutched my fist into the back of his hair. He backed up a step pulling me along with him, and turned me so my back was to the cupboards. He leaned into me a moment, pressing me into the hard edge of the counter. His kisses up my neck grew more heated and he found my mouth with his, devouring my lips and tongue. He grabbed me roughly by the hips and lifting me up, he sat me on the counter top at my back.

I gasped and winced slightly as a shock of dull pain coursed through me at sitting, reminding me of the tenderness I had felt when stretching earlier.

He pulled away, sliding his hand up to hold my neck, and looked at me with his stunning lust filled eyes. He assessed me a moment before he spoke, the fog of desire lifted from his eyes and was replaced with gentle concern. "Are you sore?" he asked quietly, searching my face; his other hand, still on my hip, worked light circles over my skin covered by the light material of his shirt. It was more of a statement than a question.

I felt myself blush, and he ran his thumb over the apple of my left cheek, his fingers still lightly caressing my neck.

"Yes," I whispered my confession, feeling a sadness wash over me at the abrupt halt, but a sense of relief as well.

He didn't respond for a moment, but his face twitched through a series of emotions: concern, contrition, and finally contentment, as a lop-sided smirk spread across his lips.

"I can't say I'm sorry," he mused mirthfully, which made me blush further, "but I can behave myself." He planted a quick sweet kiss on my parted lips before pulling away from me, and handing me back my coffee cup with a reserved smile. "I wouldn't want to be rushed anyway," he said, his small smile spreading into a devilish, meaningful grin. He stood in front of me with his hand resting on my leg where the shirt hem fell mid-thigh. His fingers brushed the skin on the inside of my thigh lightly, keeping my heart rate fluttering at a slightly accelerated pace.

"You have to go?" I asked sadly, realizing the implication of what he'd said. I tried to keep my breath calm as his fingers stroked lightly over my sensitive skin. His eyes danced over my face; he looked smug and pleased with my reaction to him.

"Yeah, in a bit," he replied, "but not before I make you some breakfast." He beamed at me with satisfaction a moment before he pulled away and stood at the counter between where I sat and the stove; I hadn't noticed he had already started on said breakfast. He had a bowl with what looked like close to a dozen eggs in it, which he beat lightly with a fork before adding some salt and pepper. He poured them into a pan waiting on the stove top, and pushed the lever down on the bread waiting in the toaster.

"Hope scrambled is okay," he said, looking at me with an uncharacteristically shy sideways glance. "I don't have your mad culinary skills," he joked.

I smiled at him and sipped my coffee. No one had made breakfast for me since Edward, and that had always been awkward as I sat and ate alone while he watched my every move.

When the eggs were nearly cooked, he stood in front of me with an impish look on his face and kissed me before opening the upper cabinet directly behind me, forcing me to lean forward into him. I steadied myself with a hand on his bare chest and I heard him chuckle lightly at my ear. He closed the cupboard after retrieving two plates, and kissed my cheek with his grinning lips.

"Say when," he said as he began scooping the eggs onto one of the plates.

"Whoa, enough!" I said after just one big scoop. He passed me the plate and a fork, added two slices of toast, and served the rest up for himself. He leaned on the counter next to me and gave me another grin. I couldn't think of when I had seen him so content and happy, and it made me smile.

We ate quietly, me sitting on the counter top and him leaning against it next to me, and gave each other coy sideways looks.

** Paul’s POV **

I kissed her after we'd finished eating, I tried to tell her everything I was feeling but couldn't seem to say with that one too-short kiss. I told her to stay as long as she wanted, and not to worry about locking the door—I didn't have anything worth stealing even if someone were dumb enough to break into a wolf's house—then I walked out the back door before I had a chance to talk myself into skipping patrol.

I was running with Collin, so I'd have to keep my thoughts locked down. Not only did the kid not need to get a look at what Bella and I had been getting up to, I really didn't need Jacob seeing it second hand from him later. I started humming Iron Horse's _Fade to Bluegrass_  in my head before I phased; the twangy Metallica covers were catchy enough to hum all day and keep anything I didn't want blabbed to myself.

I didn't really need to bother trying to keep Collin out of my head though; as soon as I phased in I could tell the kid was preoccupied with his own thoughts. He was stressing over an essay he had due for summer school. I knew what it was like to worry about flunking out, and he had both parents riding his ass about it to add to the stress. It was a beautiful sunny day, and we hadn't caught a hint of vamp-stench since we took out the red-head and her group, so after we finished one complete loop I told him to take off and get his essay done and handed in. I wasn't worried about coming across any leeches, and I loved running on my own when I had something to think about.

Patrol shifts had been cut back to four hours each, and the time flew past. I made three more circuits, making detours inland to stop for a drink in a stream every now and then; the whole time I took advantage of the solitude and re-played last night over in my head. I was on my way back to the clearing for shift change when I felt the shimmer of someone phasing in.

"What the fuck did you do, Lahote?" Black’s anger radiated toward me through the mind link.

Shit! I hadn't known who was taking over, but I should have been more careful with my thoughts anyway. I'd been thinking of Bella's face when I'd torn through and finally buried myself deep inside her, and of how fucking guilty it made me feel to cause her that pain, even though I knew she had enjoyed herself afterward.

_Of course that's what he had to see. Fuck my life_ _!_

"Take it easy, Black," I tried to placate him. "It's not what it looks like."

"It  **looks**  like you fucking hurt her!" he shot at me.

I'd made it to the clearing and didn't see him anywhere. I phased back before I could let anything else slip. I pulled my shorts on and turned to see where he'd gone. His fist connected perfectly with my jaw as I turned around. He landed a second punch to my nose, shattering it on contact, before he turned, phased on the fly and took off.

"Thanks for hearing me out, asshole!" I shouted after him, spitting a mouthful of blood onto the path leading back into the trees. I straightened my nose before it had a chance to start setting. A superficial break like that would be healed by tomorrow.


	27. Girlfriend

** Bella's POV **

I had to wait for my clothes to finish in the dryer before I would be able to leave; not that I was in a rush to get out of there. I was remarkably comfortable in Paul's house. It was only two weeks since the first night I had spent there, sitting in the dark room with his broken body laying on the bed after he had taken down the biggest threat to my life to date; putting his life on the line for mine.

I showered, taking my time and enjoying the warm water pouring over me to soothe my deliciously tender muscles. I reflected on the previous night. Paul had been so...I couldn't even think of a way to describe it. He had been gentle and caring, but forceful and...It was clear even to me that he'd earned his reputation; although I had nothing to compare him to, I knew that he was amazing in bed. I had never felt like he had made me feel; I blushed just thinking about it.

I wrapped a towel around myself as I stepped out of the shower into the small steam filled bathroom. I scrubbed another towel over my hair, before wiping it over the fogged mirror. I looked at my reflection there, trying to see a difference in myself. There wasn't a visible change, but I knew what had happened. My cheeks pinked again in the mirror.

"I really need to get that under control!" I scolded myself.

I opened the medicine cabinet to retrieve the toothpaste, wishing that I had thought to maybe put a toothbrush in my purse, but I hadn't exactly planned on spending the night. I looked at Paul's yellow toothbrush next to the tube of toothpaste and contemplated borrowing it—it wasn't like we hadn't explored ever corner of each other's mouths anyway—but decided to just use my finger until I got home.

I put Paul's borrowed t-shirt on again until my clothes were dry and tidied up the kitchen while I waited. I was comfortable in the familiar kitchen, but it was strange being in his house without him there; I missed him.

Once I got back to Forks, I decided to stop at the Thriftway before heading home to pick up fixings to make Charlie something special for dinner. I knew he was going to want to have a serious talk tonight, but it never hurt to try and butter him up a little first. Pulling into the Thriftway parking lot, I noticed Annie's Closet across the street and thought I might take a peek inside. Annie's was really the only option for new ladies clothing in Forks. I wasn't expecting much of a selection, but hopefully they would have something a little more presentable than the mismatched cotton underwear I had on. It never hurt to try and butter Paul up either I thought, as I parked the truck and walked across to take a look.

After spending ten minutes looking through the sparse lingerie racks and turning down help from the middle aged sales attendant, I began to give up hope. I didn't have the first clue. I suddenly missed having Alice use me as a life-sized dress-up doll. She would know exactly what I should try on. I hadn't thought of her in a long time—I missed the idea of her more than the reality I think. She was always tough to be around; so unpredictable and energetic—impossible to keep up with, but it was hard to deny that I had been much more fashionable when she had been picking my clothes out for me.

I thought about other girls I know and was immediately sorry that I had. I didn't have anyone that I could consider a close girlfriend. I had lost any connections I had had before Edward left; Angela and I would still stop to say hello if we saw each other, but we certainly weren't close. I only knew a handful of girls even close to my age in La Push, and that was only because I had been spending all my time with the pack. I was still pretty sure that Leah hated me, so that left Kim and Emily. Kim didn't seem a likely candidate for female companionship—she only ever spoke to Jared, and even still she seemed painfully dull to be around. Besides, she didn't seem to like Paul, so I'm sure she wouldn't be the best person to turn to for advice regarding him. Emily, on the other hand, was always really sweet and seemed to genuinely care about Paul. I decided I'd give her a call soon and see if she wanted to spend some time together—even if I didn't choose to resort to her for man advice, it would still be nice to have another girl I could spend some time with.

I settled on a couple of different sets from the sale rack; one black and one light blue. They weren't particularly fancy, but at least they matched. The black one even had a little bit of red trim around the edges, which made me smile, remembering it was Paul's favourite colour.  I paid for my selection and left the store. Walking back to the truck to deposit my purchase, I thought I'd give Emily a quick call to see if she'd be up for a girls trip to Port Angeles sometime. I hated shopping, but if I got to know Emily a little in the process it might be fun.

I realized after searching my purse and the truck console, that I had left my phone at Paul's. I checked the time on the clock in the truck, remembering that it was still an hour off from day light savings, and decided I'd still have time to pick up a few groceries and make dinner for Charlie if I went back out to the Reservation to pick it up. It was only 20 minutes in either direction.

I wasn't sure what time Paul was supposed to be on patrol until but I knew he was busy this afternoon too, so I didn't expect to see him even though I was hopeful that I might. I walked around the house to the backdoor after I parked the truck, giving the door a quick knock despite knowing he likely wasn't there. I even called out that it was me before walking in, and then laughed at myself for doing so.

I heard the running water in the bathroom shut off as I made my way down the hall to collect my phone from the bedside table where it had been left after I texted Charlie last night. Paul was home!

"It's just me, Paul. I forgot my phone," I said to the closed door. I went to collect my phone as a stupid grin swept across my face. The hinges on the bathroom door squeaked as the door was pulled open. I grabbed my phone and turned around to find Paul standing in the bedroom doorway wearing nothing but a towel around his hips.

"Hey," he smiled. He looked like someone out of a magazine with beads of water on his tan skin and his hair dripping. The smile slipped from my face as I took in his face.

"What happened?" I asked, rushing to him. His nose had a gash across the bridge that had already started to heal and the surrounding area was swollen and bruised a dark purple.

"Nothing,” he grunted, as he shook his head.  I must have scowled at the obvious lie. "It doesn't matter," he added with a shrug. "I didn't expect to see you until tomorrow." He stepped forward and put his arms around my waist, pulling me against his hard, wet body.

His distraction almost worked. "Paul, seriously, who did this to you?" I persisted. His defiant look and the angry set of his jaw was all I needed to know. "Jacob," I breathed. "What happened?"

** Paul's POV **

I didn't want her to know that I had let Jacob see into my head; that I'd let him see  _that_.

"It's fine, really. It's nothing. It doesn't even hurt anymore," I tried placating her. It wasn't a lie, it hardly hurt at all anymore.

I had been ready to go chasing after Black when he hit me and took off like the fucking coward he was, but had thought better of it. He was pissed off, and even though I fucking loved that I had smelled like Bella, it would only have set him off further. Letting him calm the fuck down first was a smarter thing to do. I'd let him realize how badly he'd fucked up, then I'd beat the shit out of him.

Then again, if Bella got to him first there wouldn't be much of him left by the looks of things; she had turned into a little ball of rage and looked like she was about to explode.

"I'm going to kill him!" she roared, as she pushed past me in the narrow doorway.

I caught her around the waist as she passed, pulling her back against me and wrapping my arms around her arms. "Hey! Easy there, tiger," I soothed in her ear, trying not to laugh at her. She was so fucking cute when she was pissed off—as long as it wasn't directed at me. I turned her to look at me, holding her forearms so she couldn't get away from me. "Bella, it was my fault okay?"

"What do you mean?" she snapped, struggling free and crossing her arms over her chest. I let her go, so I wouldn't bruise her arms.

             Great, now she's going to be pissed off at me too.

"He just needs to cool down and he'll be fine. He..." She was staring at me with an expectant look on her face. "I sort of let something slip that set him off," I explained. Her shoulders dropped and I couldn't place the look that took over her face. Sadness? Concern? No, disappointment. "I wasn't thinking." I sat on the corner of the bed and looked up at her. I had been so hopeful that there might be something real between us when she'd agreed to stay the night, but I'd already managed to fuck it up.

"Still, I can't believe he hit you!" She stepped closer until she was standing right in front of me, and raised her fingers to lightly touch around the edge of my bruised face. "You're sure you're okay?" she asked quietly, her eyes meeting mine.

I felt like I was running to catch up with her. Somehow I had managed to fuck up and she was still here—looking at me like she actually cared if I was okay or not—like she actually cared about me.

"I'm fine, it'll be good as new tomorrow," I breathed, wrapping my arms around her waist again.

I don't know how I got so fucking lucky, but I was going to have to be more careful so as not to fuck it up for real.

** Leah's POV **

I was running behind. I was always running behind these days—that's what happens when you lead a double life I guess. When I finally got to the clearing and tied my shorts and tank top around my ankle and phased in I was almost sorry I had. Jacob was in a rage like none I had ever been around, not even my own when I'd first joined the pack; he was ready to tear something, or someone, apart. I tried to get a hint from him about what had him so pissed off but his thoughts were completely incoherent. I got that he was angry with himself about something and that Paul had something to do with it, so obviously Bella was at the root of this somehow.

_Fucking Swan!_

'Jacob? When the fuck are you going to get it into your thick fucking skull that Bel...'

'Shut up, Leah! I don't want to hear it,' he barked back at me before I'd had a chance to even finish the thought. I was pulled up short by the hint of command in his timbre. Jacob had never shown any hint of the true Alpha that we'd been told he would one day be, but I'd heard it in him then.

His mind flashed through blips of scrambled thoughts and moments: Bella shouting at him last week that she was going to fuck Paul—we'd all heard that gem about a million times since she'd confessed it—his instant rage when he phased in this morning, and attacking Paul.

'You broke his nose? Jesus Jake, what the hell?' I knew he was sore about Bella choosing Paul instead of him, but nobody in the pack had ever caused another wolf any serious harm when fighting—not even Paul and he had the most violent temper out of all of us.

Jake's mind ran through what had led up to his over-reaction: Paul's usual vivid horn-dog thoughts mixed with a heap of regret over having hurt Bella when he...

_Oh!_

I couldn't help it; I nearly choked trying to keep my amusement from flowing through our linked minds. Jake was pissed off that Bella had been hurt when Paul took her virginity.

'It's not fucking funny!' he snapped.

'Sorry Jake, but even a pathetic case like you must realize what...'

'I'm not a fucking idiot, Leah! I know...I knew she was there, her truck's been there all fucking night, I just… I didn't expect...I...I fucking lost it, okay? Leah...fuck!' his ramblings slowed and he phased out suddenly. I focused on the last place that could tell where he was and made my way in that direction; not sure if I should give him his space or go after him.

Jacob was absolutely pathetic when it came to all matters involving Bella-fucking-Swan. That girl had caused him more pain that anyone deserved, which meant that we had all felt it too. Even given all of that, it was hard not to acknowledge what she had done for Paul—how she had somehow managed to calm his crazed wolf in a matter of weeks. It was hard to hate her, but it wasn't exactly easy to like her either.

I found where Jake sat cross-legged next to the stream plucking blades of grass from the bank and tossing them into the babbling water. Still torn over whether to let him alone or try and talk to him, I padded over to him still in wolf form and sat down next to him. I didn't doubt that he'd tell me to fuck off if he didn't want me there.

"I fucked up, Leah," he sighed heavily. He was quiet for a long while before his head hung suddenly. His voice was pained and heavy when he spoke again, like he was trying not to cry. "Why him? What does he have that I couldn't give her? I love her so much, and she doesn't even see me."

I hunkered down on my chest next to him, resting my muzzle on his folded leg. He curled his fingers into the scruff of fur behind my ear, more for his own comfort than my own. It was a pain I knew well; an anguish that words just couldn't put into perspective. I'd gone through it when Sam had imprinted on Emily. Paul hadn't imprinted on Bella—not as far as any of us could tell from the limited amount he'd let slip from his time with her anyway—but it was clear that they were becoming pretty attached to one another. He'd spent every spare minute he could with her since she had left his place last week; he always smelled like her these days. That would only get worse now that they were sleeping together too. I sat up and slowly got to my feet, deciding that maybe talking to him would be better; it couldn't hurt to try. I trotted off into the trees and phased back, dressing and returning to sit at his side.

He sniffed loudly and wiped the back of his hand roughly across his eyes. I tentatively rested my hand on his shoulder. I'm no good at this emotional shit.

              _Guys shouldn't be allowed to cry! It's like fighting dirty or something._

"Jake," I tried for soothing. "You can't keep doing this to yourself, man. You guys tried to be what you wanted. She's just not into you. I know it sucks—believe me, I know—but you've got to try and get past this. Jesus man, go get laid or something. It will make you feel better, I swear." I was relieved that we weren't mind-linked while human because I couldn't help thinking about who I had spent last night with myself, and I really didn't want that getting back to the pack just yet.

Jake huffed a small laugh. "Yeah, because girls are crawling all over themselves to get to me!" he scoffed, and rolled his eyes at me over his shoulder.

"Jacob Black, you're a fucking idiot. You know that right?" I laughed, shaking my head.

He looked back at me with a dumb fucking look that just proved my point, making me laugh even more. Every single girl, and some of the less than single ones, over the age of puberty on the Res. had been ogling Jake like he was a piece of candy since before he'd gone wolf. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. If I hadn't grown up with Jake practically being my bratty little brother, I'd probably be trying to jump him too. He was fucking hot! And on top of that he was a really nice guy too. Swan had to have something seriously wrong with her to not see it.

_Or maybe she feels the same way about him that I do…Oh!_

Her reluctance to get with Jake suddenly made sense to me. Maybe I could use that to help him see the reality of the situation.

"I could maybe help you with a little of that frustration if you wanted, Jake," I breathed, putting on my best sultry vixen voice, and trailed my finger lightly up his thigh and under the frayed edge of his sorts.

He grabbed my hand abruptly, turning to stare at me wide-eyed. "No offence Leah, but no. No thanks." he stammered shaking his head derisively, pushing my hand away from him and scooting over.

"What's the matter, Jakey?" I pouted, batting my eyelashes at him.

"Uh...Leah, I just don't, I can't, you're like my sister!" he stuttered. He got the point I was trying to make; it hit him like a dump truck load of gravel over the head. "Oh..."

Nodding, I pursed my lips and raised my eyebrows at him. I leaned in and kissed him on the cheek as I stood up and offered him my hand.

"Come on, let's get the perimeter run done, then you can go and try and fix this fuck up," I sighed, pulling him to his feet.


	28. (Dis)appointment

** Paul's POV **

"Geez, I'm not very good for your health! We've only been together a week and you're already hurt again because of me," she blustered. I couldn't help the stupid smile that pulled at my lips—I never could with her it seemed—but hearing her say that was huge. She looked at me curiously.

"Are we...together?" I asked, feeling like an idiot for needing to confirm it. She'd said it, but I needed to make sure that's what she meant. It sure would be nice not to be second guessing all the time.

              _Fucking pussy!_

She nodded a little before her eyes widened in a question. "Aren't we?" she asked quietly, clearly unsure herself of the real answer to that question. I could see that she was hopeful though.

"Yeah, I guess we are, huh?" That stupid fucking grin was on my face again. She smiled, too.

I tucked my hand behind her neck and kissed her. It was sort of a relief to have that out in the open—who am I kidding? It was way more than sort of a relief.

"You're sure you're okay?" she asked, lightly touching my face again with her cool fingers.

"Yeah. It takes more than that to keep me down. You know that," I teased.

We sat there for a few more minutes as she fussed over me, and I totally let her. I soaked it up like a fucking sponge.

I kissed her again just as I heard Sam's truck coming around the block; I was supposed to be helping him with a job at a place out on Mora Road somewhere. He would be grilling me about what happened, too, no doubt.

"Sam's here," I murmured, scooping her up as I stood and plopping her on the corner of the bed where I had been sitting. I crossed to the closet and quickly dressed in a pair of jeans. I could feel her watching me, and sure enough, when I turned around pulling a t-shirt over my head, she flicked her eyes away and her cheeks flushed.

"Like the view, girly?" I teased her. I tilted her chin up and planted a quick kiss on her lips as Sam walked through the front door, knocking as he did.

"Paul, let's go. You ready?" he called down the hall. He must have seen Bella's truck out front, because none of the pack ever fucking knocked; privacy was just not something we were afforded.

I ran my thumb over Bella's pink cheek, wishing that I didn't have to be somewhere, and pulled her to her feet by the hand. I lead her down the hall behind me.

"Hey Bella," Sam greeted her. He gave me a curious look when he saw my broken nose, but didn't say anything while she was there, thankfully.

We stood next to Sam's truck and watched as Bella pulled out of the driveway and headed home.

"So, what happened to you?" Sam asked as we piled into his truck and headed out ourselves, ready for another day of swinging a hammer. "You run into a tree or something?"

"Or something," I scoffed, not elaborating. This was already a bigger fucking mess than I needed it to be.

"Well?" he prompted.

"Just a little reminder to keep certain thoughts to myself," I huffed sarcastically.

"Courtesy of Jacob, I take it?"

I nodded. We drove in silence for a while before Sam finally continued. I had hoped that might be the end of it, but I should have known I wasn't that lucky.

"Do I need to talk to him?" he asked, sounding pretty unsure for Sam. Even I had to admit it was a pretty messed up situation.

"Nah, man. He got his point across, and if Bella's reaction when she saw me was any indication, he's going to be getting an earful already," I laughed, remembering Bella's fierce rage.

"So you're still working on things with her then?" he asked after another few minutes of silence.

"Yeah." We'd be working on a few things if I had a say. I wished, for about the hundredth time since I'd heard Bella come in while I was in the shower, that I hadn't agreed to work with Sam today.

"What are we working on today?" I asked to distract Sam as much as myself.

** Bella's POV **

I was half way back to Forks before I realized that I had meant to go to Jacob's and give him a piece of my mind. I almost turned around and headed back out there again before I remembered that I needed to get home before Charlie, because I was going to be facing another pig-headed man in my life that evening. I grabbed my phone off the seat next to my purse and flipped it open, dialing Jacob's number and then hitting speaker phone key. Even on a road as familiar as the one between La Push and Forks, my truck needed two hands on the wheel at all times.

The phone rang four times and kicked over to Jake’s familiar voicemail message.

"You got Jake. Leave me a message. Make it a good one and I might even call you back"  _beep_

I was ready to yell at him when I had dialed his number but hearing his voice took all the fight out of me. I let out a heavy sigh as the beep faded.

"I don't even know what to say to you right now, Jacob. I thought you got it. I thought...I don't know what to think. I can't believe you of all people would do something like that." I paused for a minute, trying to gather my thoughts. "I'm really disappointed, Jake. I thought things were going to be okay between us, but now, I just don't know."

I pressed the end call button without saying anything else, even goodbye. I was exhausted; it had been an emotional day and it wasn't even 2:00 yet.

I pulled into the Thriftway parking lot for the second time and headed inside. I made the usual rounds through the aisles, deciding on spaghetti with homemade sauce and garlic bread as a dinner that might pave the way for my talk with Charlie.

When I got home, I tidied the living room and threw a load of towels and sheets into the wash, and started on making dinner and cleaning the kitchen. They were all things that needed to be done on my day off of work anyway, but I'd be lying if I said it wasn't further bribery for the upcoming talk.

** Jake's POV **

I had listened to Bella's voicemail about a million times once I'd gotten in from Patrol. She sounded so...hurt, was really the only word for it. She was hurt, and it was because of me.

Leah had sent me packing as soon as we'd finished the first lap of the perimeter. She said at the very least I needed to go and try to fix this. I wasn't sure how to even begin.

I headed off toward Paul's house on foot, dreading talking to him. I knocked on the front door and waited a few minutes without an answer before knocking again. I walked around the back and knocked once more before walking in and calling out to him, but he wasn't there.

I tried Sam's next. I knew Sam would find out about the fight before long, but I didn't relish the idea of trying to make it right while being under the Alpha's supervision. Not that Sam would treat me any worse than I deserved at the moment though. I felt like a real asshole. I had to figure out how to smooth things over. Bella would probably never talk to me again, and really I couldn't even blame her.

Paul wasn't at Sam's either. Emily told me that he had gone to work with Sam out near James Pond for the day and wouldn't be back until around dinner time.

That left me a few hours to sit and stew over this, or try and get Bella to forgive me. I didn't even know how she had found out; she had already left La Push by the time I phased in. Paul must have told her. That didn't really seem like something he would do though. It would be more like him to let it eat away at him until he could fucking pound me, but then again, I hadn't really been the best judge of people lately; myself included.

I headed into the trees and phased back in, catching an earful from Leah before I had a chance to explain to her that I was headed to Forks.

'Don't you think you should be talking to Paul?' she asked sarcastically.

'I tried that Leah, he's not around. I can't just sit and wait around. I'll go crazy. Bella called and...I've never heard her sound like that. I need to go and talk to her.' I explained.

'Alright man, but don't say I didn't warn you when she doesn't want to see you.'

* * *

 

I found myself standing on the Swan's front porch not long after, trying and failing to knock on the door a few times. Finally, I just reached out and rapped on the wood a couple of times, swallowing down the lump that rose in my throat as soon as I did. The door swung slowly open a few seconds later. The look she gave me was enough to make my blood run cold. I had never seen her so angry. She crossed her arms and leaned into the door frame.

"What do you want, Jacob?" she sighed, looking over my shoulder rather than at me.

"Bells, I..." I started, but she cut me off.

"You know what? I don't actually want to hear it right now. I don't have time to get into this with you." She stood up straight from the doorframe and started to turn to go back in the house.

"Bella, wait! I'm sorry. I fucked up, big time. I know. I...I didn't really understand what was going on with you and Paul. That's not an excuse; it's just a reason...and a bad one at that." She stood there with her arms crossed looking at me expectantly. I didn't know how to make her understand.

"Is it Paul specifically, Jacob? Or is just because it's not you? I can't keep doing this Jake. We tried. I tried. I love you; I just don't love you like that. Right now I don't even like you to be honest." She finished with another heavy sigh like the one that had started the voicemail she left. Her words stung, but I knew they were true. It hit me that I might have made such a mess of things this time that she might not be able to forgive me; the idea that I might lose her scared the crap out of me.

"Bells, I'm sorry," I tried again. I wished I was able to come up with something better.

"That's a start. Right now it doesn't feel like enough though Jake. I need some time okay?" she shook her head at me like she just couldn't believe the mess I'd made. I couldn't either.

"Yeah, okay," I agreed.

"Talk to Paul," she said as she stepped back into the house and closed the door.

** Bella's POV **

I was just pulling the bread out of the oven when Charlie walked through the front door. I had managed to get home and get dinner ready on time, despite the detour and the drama that had met me back in La Push. It was a good thing that I had too, because the look he gave me from the door as he took off his boots and jacket told me I had underestimated the serious talk I was in for.

"Hey, Dad. Good timing; dinner is just about ready," I called out to him, hoping to keep things as light as possible. I put the bread on the table and when I turned back to serve the spaghetti, Charlie was standing behind me, his face stern. I already felt like apologizing to him and he hadn't even said anything to me yet, which was ridiculous considering I'm an adult and I let him know I wasn't going to be home like he always asked me to. He couldn't expect me to stay a virgin forever, could he?

"Dad, I..." I started.

"No, Bella. I'm going to talk and you're going to listen. Sit down," he instructed, pointing at my usual chair at the table.

I sat, not even questioning him and he sat down across the table from me. I'd never encountered Charlie like this, and it was actually pretty intimidating.

"You're 18, Bella, so I can't tell you who you can or can't go out with, but I can tell you that I don't like it; I don't. I don't like that Lahote kid, he's a punk..." He held up his hand to stop me from interrupting. "I'm not finished." He took a deep breath and let it out as a long sigh. He reached into his shirt pocket, pulled out a business card and pushed it across the table at me. "You've got an appointment tomorrow to see Dr. Kent." He pointed at the card I held in my hands which was an appointment reminder for the Family Planning Clinic. I could feel my cheeks grow warm.

"Dad..." I started to protest, but he stopped me again.

"I know you're a smart girl; use your head, okay? And I don't want to hear that you've got to work or any other excuses. I pulled strings to get that appointment, so you will go." He stood up from the table and held a white paper bag from the pharmacy out to me, which I took.  I didn't need to open the bag; I knew I'd find a box of condoms inside. "I'm too young to be a grandfather, kiddo, and that's not the worst that could happen, so be smart." He turned his back on me and walked toward the fridge.

"Dad..." I tried again, but was cut off.

"I don't want to hear it, Bells. Just go to the appointment, and take care of yourself." He wrenched the fridge open, and grabbed a beer from the top shelf, cracked it open and took a long drink before turning back to face me. "What's for dinner? It smells great," he said in a much calmer voice.


	29. Confrontations

** Jacob's POV **

Is there anything worse than someone you care about telling you that they are disappointed in you? If there is, I hope to never find out what it is.

I left Bella's feeling even worse than when I had headed there. I didn't expect things to magically be all better once I talked to her, but I had hoped that they would be headed in that direction. I didn't feel like they were. She hadn't even yelled at me. I had fully expected her to.

After phasing back in and having Leah all but tell me she'd told me so, I decided to head out toward Mora Road and see if I couldn't track Paul down there.  I felt like crap so the sooner I got this all sorted the better. There weren't a lot of places that Sam would be likely to find a job out along the stretch on the North side of the Quillayute River, so I thought I would be able to track them down; it's not like they were hiding from me or anything.

I stuck to the trees along the North bank of the river and kept an ear out for any sign of construction work in addition to tracking Sam’s and Paul's scents. I came across them sooner than I thought, long before James Pond where Emily had said they were. I phased in the tree line behind the acreage they were framing a shed on, and walked out toward them. They both turned to face me before I got within 15 feet of them; I wasn't hiding from them any more than they were from me. Paul visibly bristled as soon as his eyes met mine; Sam looked cautiously between the two of us.

"Not here!" Sam barked as Paul bared his teeth in a challenging growl.

I raised my hands to him in surrender. "I just came to talk, Paul," I started, not having a clue where to go after that. I kept walking forward with my palms forward in placation; if he attacked me I deserved it.

I watched as his nostrils flared and he suddenly relaxed his defensive stance. "You've talked to Bella already?" There was a reason Paul was one of our strongest trackers, that guy could smell things the rest of us just couldn't.

"Yeah, I tried," I assured him. There were only a few feet between us now. Sam looked quickly between the two of us again.

"You two won't kill each other if I leave you to it?" he checked, making eye contact with both of us.

"I just came to talk," I confirmed and Paul gave him a nod. He walked toward his truck parked in the driveway. Far enough away that were we regular guys he'd be out of earshot, but still close enough that he could keep watch over us.

"I didn't go running to her to rat you out," he spat. The thought hadn't even crossed my mind really; sure she'd found out faster than I had anticipated, but I knew she would eventually, so it wasn't really an issue.

"It doesn't matter if you did." I paused to try and find something to say that could possibly make it right. I'd never been good at apologies, but this was worse somehow. "Your nose looks like it will heal alright."

One of the great things about being a wolf was our freaky healing. He looked like he'd been in a fight days ago rather than hours. His hand rose to his face absent mindedly and he nodded. "Yeah," he scoffed.

"Look, Paul, I'm sorry, man. That was really shitty of me. I freaked the fuck out and lost control, and I feel like a complete ass about it," I rambled. I kicked the dirt and studied my fingernails, anything to avoid looking at him. Eventually, I chanced a glance; he shrugged and just stared at me in return.

"You can hit me if you want," I suggested, which made him laugh that stupid horse laugh of his.

"It's not much fun if you give me fucking permission, Black," he chuckled. "Besides, I've got nothing to prove to you. I get it. She's pretty fucking awesome; you don't think I know that?" He took a step toward me, dropping his hammer to the ground as a menacing sneer spreading across his face. "The thing that you don't seem to understand, though, is that she doesn't want you." He stalked closer still until he was right up in my face. "You've put her up on this fucking pedestal, and you worship this perfect version of her in your mind, but you don't have a fucking clue who she actually is. So, why would she want you? You haven't bothered to learn anything about the  _real_  her. I get that you think she's worth fighting for—she absolutely is—but I'm telling you right now, Black, that as long as she wants me in her life, that's a fight you're going to lose every fucking time." He punctuated the last few words of his rant with his finger jabbed into my chest. He was practically vibrating as he turned around and stalked back to the shed, picked up his hammer and started working again.

I stood watching for a minute, thinking over everything Paul had said, before turning and heading back the way I'd come. I'd done what I could; now I would have to wait and see how things played out.

Paul was right, I had been so busy seeing in Bella only what I wanted to, that I had missed seeing her for who she really is; what she really wants—which in this case wasn't me, not the same as I wanted her anyway.

** Paul's POV **

Black was either really stupid or too fucking smart for his own good. I hadn't expected him to show up here, and certainly didn't think he'd keep his fucking trap shut while I laid into him. The weirdest part about his tracking us down here was that I didn't even want to hit him. Not when he was standing there right in front of me anyway. Yeah, earlier I'd wanted to fucking pound the living shit out of him, but after seeing Bella, he didn't matter anymore. She'd shown me that she wasn't about to run off to him when I fucked up. It felt really great knowing that she wasn't planning on going anywhere; that we were together. Her words not mine! I felt like a sappy pansy, but I'd be lying if I said hearing her say it hadn't meant something to me.

Sam walked up after Black turned to head back into the trees. He picked up his hammer and we finished framing the back wall of the shed in silence. I knew it wouldn't last, but it was nice to be left alone to my own thoughts for at least a few minutes.

"So what exactly happened between you two this morning?" he asked, as we started putting up the roof trusses.

"He saw something in my head he didn't like, and decided to let me know." I really didn't feel like re-hashing the whole thing for a third time.

"It doesn't look like you fought back?" The skepticism was easily heard in Sam's voice. It wasn't like me to back down from a fight, and everyone knew it.

"He didn't exactly give me a chance, Sam. He fucking sucker punched me and took off. If I'd caught up to him then I'd probably have killed him," I admitted, "But I can't even fault him for it. I get why he's pissed off. He at least had the nerve to come and face me—and Bella too." I shrugged and passed the next truss up to him on the ladder.

"Things are getting pretty serious between you and Bella," he started. I couldn't help the fucking grin on my face.

"Don't give me any speeches or anything about it. I know I've got to be careful not to fuck it up. Okay, Dad?" I teased him. Sam had this way of getting me to lighten up, it was like fucking voodoo or something, but it always helped. I was continually reminded about how grateful I was that he was still sitting as Alpha.

We fell back into a quiet working rhythm, finishing the roof framing and packing up for the day. We'd come back first thing in the morning to finish it up.

** Bella's POV **

I had expected a lecture at the very least; I had even thought that Charlie might try to tell me he didn't want me to see Paul anymore. I hadn't expected him to be quite so calm and level headed about the whole thing; he hadn't yelled at all—not that he was generally a big yeller anyway. I really hadn't expected him to make me an appointment at the clinic—I hadn't even thought that far ahead myself. Just the idea of it made me wonder if he had called Renée; it seemed like something she would do more so than Charlie. It didn't seem likely that if he had spoken to her about it that she would have been able to resist calling me to pester me about details though. My mother was not the most patient, nor the most subtle woman on the planet.

The thought of speaking to her about Paul was ridiculously embarrassing, yet I still liked the idea of having someone to talk to about it. I thought again of trying to make a connection with Emily; it really would be nice to have another girl to talk to sometimes.

We sat and ate our dinner in relative quiet, which wasn't unusual; Charlie never had been much for chatting, and he'd already said his quota of words to me for the evening it seemed. That was fine by me, I didn't really have much to say to him either. I was having a hard time imagining my father going into a Family Planning Clinic in the first place, and the longer I thought about it, the more I started to get angry. Instead of talking to me like the adult he claimed he knows I am, he went behind my back and made a decision for me. That was exactly the sort of thing that Edward would have done; exactly the sort of thing that drove me absolutely crazy now.

I thought of trying to bring it up with him but couldn't think of what to say. It wasn't long before he was pushing his chair back and standing up, bringing his plate over to the sink.

"Good dinner, Bells. Thanks," he muttered as he shuffled his way into the living room. The all-too familiar sound of baseball followed shortly after and I knew there would be no hope talking to him about it anymore tonight.

* * *

 

I went to the appointment despite being angry with Charlie for having booked it. It was a good idea; I just wish he had at least let me say something, anything, in my defense. Renée had insisted that I go on birth control before I left Phoenix, but I had let the prescription lapse after Edward had left me. I decided I wasn't going to need it anytime soon anyway, and hadn't bothered to set up an appointment for myself yet.

I managed to switch with Mike for the late afternoon shift which meant I didn't get home until after Newton's closed at 7:00pm. Charlie was already home when I got there.

"Hey kiddo, I picked up some take-out on the way home," he greeted me from his seat in front of the television as I walked in the front door. "It's in here; grab yourself a plate and a fork." I peeled off my wet raincoat and hung it to dry, and kicked off my shoes.

"Thanks Dad, I'm starving," I said, sitting at the couch and scooping chow mien and almond chicken onto my plate. Forks offered limited options when it came to take out—basically pizza or Chinese—luckily the Chinese was actually pretty good.

We sat quietly eating our dinner and watching a dull crime drama on the TV that Charlie scoffed at and picked holes in almost continually.

_Must be the Mariners' night off._

I had been seething about how he had treated me since yesterday and when he asked, "Did you get everything sorted today, Bella?" without even looking away from the television; my anger boiled over.

"Oh. You actually want me to talk about this now?" I snapped, staring at him in disbelief; he had some nerve.

He turned to look at me, a shocked look on his face. "Excuse me?" he asked, blinking at my indignant tone.

"Well, you sure weren't interested in hearing what I had to say about it yesterday, Dad," I retorted.

"Bella?" His shock began to fade as his ears started to turn pink. Charlie didn't get mad at me very often, but that was the first sign that he was about to blow his top.

"You didn't let me say anything at all. You just lectured me like a child, and then pretended like it never happened." I tried explaining why I was upset; or at least the first part of why I was.

"Do you think it was easy for me, Bella?" He snarled, slamming his plate down on the side table next to his recliner. "You know what? We aren't having this conversation..."

"Yes, we are." I let my anger fuel me, because I wanted to storm out of there and ignore it myself. I remembered what Paul had said to me as part of his non-apology for his harsh words while I had been tending him.

_'You need to stand up for yourself; you need to recognise your own strengths so you can rescue yourself when the time comes.'_

"I went to the appointment today —like you told me to—because it was a good idea, Dad. If you had talked to me about it I would have agreed. I didn't need you to make it an order. I'm not a kid anymore, and I need you to stop treating me like one." I rambled, trying to get it all out before I chickened out. I knew my face was nearly as red as his; my cheeks felt hot.

"As long as you're living under my roof, young lady..."

"I do live by your rules!" I interrupted him again. I knew that I wasn't letting him talk, just as he hadn't let me yesterday, but it was the only way I could get through to him. "I let you know where I'm going to be and when I'll be home. You've never given me a curfew, but I always let you know when I'm not going to be home. I know things were rough when Edward left, but have I given you a reason, since then, to not trust me?" I asked.

He took a moment to think it over before answering. "No, Bella, you haven't." he admitted with a heavy sigh, collapsing back into the recliner.

"Then you need to trust that I'm capable of making an informed decision, Dad." I stated simply, hoping that I had gotten through to him.

"I didn't mean to steam-roll you, Bella. It's not the easiest thing for me to do, you know; watch you grow up? I just want to make sure you don't get yourself into trouble," he huffed.

"I always try not to, but you can't protect me from everything. Next time, just talk to me, okay?" I asked, staring at the side of his head since he'd turned away from me again.

"I don't actually want there to be a next time for this, Bella," he stammered, his eyebrows rising so far into his hairline I fought not to laugh at how comical it looked.

"You know what I mean, Dad," I sighed. "If you have something to say to me, you have to be willing to let me have an opinion on it too, Dad." I looked at him expectantly until he turned to face me finally. "Okay?" I asked.

"I'll try Bells," he agreed, looking at me with such a pleading look that I couldn't help but take pity on him. I could never understand how someone who spent his entire career in a position of authority that often meant being in conflict, my father had such a hard time confronting things in his personal life.

"Thanks, Dad."


	30. Gossip

** Bella's POV **

I left a note for Charlie when I left for work the next morning letting him know that I would be going out to La Push when I got off work, and that I wouldn't be home for dinner. I spent some time thinking after I got off the phone with Mom, and decided that I would go out and see Paul. She had thought my idea of making him a nice dinner was a good way to show him that I liked him; the saying goes that a way to a man's heart is through his stomach after all. I even had an idea about what I would make him.

I called Emily when I got off work at noon as I walked across the parking lot to the Thriftway. I wanted to make sure that I wouldn't be stepping on her toes and get her thoughts on how Paul might react. She assured me that he would always welcome a home cooked meal, even if he didn't show his appreciation; and, that I was in the best position to get that even—I'd already gotten more thanks from him than Emily ever had.

I quickly made my way through the aisles of the grocery store, picking up the few items I would need to make the planned menu. It needed to be in the oven for a few hours so I wanted to get out there as soon as I could.

I felt a little strange going to his house unannounced, but Emily had confirmed that Paul was working with Sam again that afternoon and wouldn't be home. She had also said that the back door was always open, so I walked along the side of the yard and let myself in the little green house after parking in the driveway. He would be sure to see my truck there when Sam dropped him off, so I wouldn't really be surprising him—I couldn't be sure, but I suspected that surprises wouldn't really go over well with him.

I switched on the radio in the window, and set to work getting dinner ready, which didn't take long. I tidied the kitchen and found myself at a loss. I hadn't bet on spending a couple of hours alone in Paul's house when I'd come up with the dinner plan. I decided to take advantage of the clear day; I found a book on the shelf in the living room—it was one I had read in class in the tenth grade, but given the limited options it would have to do—and headed out to sit on the front porch in the sun.

I had only been sitting out there about fifteen minutes when I heard the gravel crunching under foot as someone walked up the driveway. Leah Clearwater—surly she-wolf—was making her way toward the porch. I watched her in shock as she walked across the wooden decking and plopped herself down in the chair next to me.

"Swan," she grunted a greeting.

_Yup, pretty sure she hates me._

"Hi Leah," I replied quietly, wondering what she could possibly have to talk to me about.

"So, you and Lahote, huh?" she huffed, giving me a sly sideways look with her eyebrows raised.

_Is she trying to make small talk with me?_

I could only nod.

"None of us believed it at first, you know?" she continued unprovoked, "but you've got him under some sort of spell. He's almost acting like a...human!" Her face broke into a wide smile as she looked at me sideways again. I didn't know how to respond. Leah had only ever been rude and cold toward me, and suddenly she was trying for girl-talk?

"I don't have him under a spell, I muttered petulantly, blatantly staring at her.

"Well, whatever it is, keep it up, Swan. He normally would have slammed Jake for the way he acted, but he didn't even touch him." She sat back, laced her fingers together and propped them behind her head, leaning back in her chair. An awkward silence hung between us a moment before she took pity on me and began speaking again.

"That's why I'm here, though—Jake..." she started, but I cut her off as soon as his name passed her lips.

"Leah, I really don't want to talk about Jacob," I stammered.

"I know, I really shouldn't get involved, but seriously Bella, the kid is hard enough on himself. He doesn't need to you beat him up for being a fucking idiot. He's been doing that enough himself." I started to speak again, but she held up her hand as she turned to face me, stopping me as she continued. "Look, I know what he did wasn't fucking cool; and the way he talked to you last week was bullshit, but he knows that he was wrong. He couldn't see the whole picture before, but he does now. He gets it," she finished, leaning back in her chair again.

"I don't even know what to say to him, honestly. I can't believe...well, actually, I guess I can believe he hit Paul; I just..." I struggled again to put into words what I hadn't been able to tell Jacob the other day either.

"I'm not saying you need to forgive him right away—hell, he deserves to stew in it a little while—just don't leave him to wallow too long, okay?" she asked. I had known that Jacob and Leah were friends, but I didn't realize that she cared about him enough to come and talk to me about it. I guess how Paul had described the pack as all being

brothers—and sister— was something they all valued.

We sat quietly for a few minutes, both pretending to look straight ahead at the non-existent traffic on the dead end street in front of us. I stole sideways glances at her out of the corner of my eye now and then. It still felt really strange to be having a conversation—or to be sitting quietly— with Leah Clearwater, regardless of how close the wolves all were.

"So, Paul's treating you okay? Or do I need to knock some sense into him?" she asked, turning sideways in her chair to face me.

"What?" I gaped at her. "Do you honestly even care how he's treating me?"

"Come on, Swan. I don't have anyone to gossip with, and I'm guessing you don't either, so spill," she barked as a wide eyed expectant smile spread across her face. I had never seen Leah so open and...friendly as she seemed to be. It was a little terrifying to say the least.

I remembered how I had wished for a girlfriend to talk to when I had left Paul's a couple of days ago; was Leah offering to fill that role? I decided to chance it, and try talking to her; it's not like there would be a lot of secrets about my relationship with Paul from the rest of the pack anyway with them sharing their minds with one another.

"No, I don't really have anyone to talk to," I admitted, meeting her gaze.

She prompted me, "Well then?"

I knew he'd probably hate if I shared too much with them despite the mind-link. I was pretty sure he tried to keep as much about himself under wraps as he could; I had been shocked to learn he'd had such a troubled childhood anyway.

"Um...yes, he is," I said quietly.

"Swan, you've got to give me a little more than that. I know he's treating you well enough that you gave up the goods already," she snarked with a stupid grin on her face.

"Leah!" My cheeks flamed hot and red as I stared at her, shocked at her bluntness.

"I spend my life surrounded my nine teenage guys, Swan. Cut me a little slack. I'm not exactly up on girl-talk," she scoffed, barreling ahead right after. "Seriously though, you two got cosy awfully fast considering Paul's never had a girlfriend and your last boyfriend was a corpse...no offence."

I shrugged my shoulders at her; I'd gotten used to the disparaging remarks on my previous suitor, but it didn't make it any easier to be reminded of my folly. "I guess it has been a little quick," I conceded, "but it doesn't feel rushed. I'm really comfortable around him."

"That's a first! Nobody is comfortable with Lahote, Bella. He's usually the first to bite someone's head off over nothing. At least he was until a couple weeks ago; you've really gotten to him I think. He's different—just don't tell him I said so," she laughed.

I laughed with her.

If someone had told me I would be having an enjoyable conversation with Leah Clearwater, I would have believed it when Hell froze over, but there we were.

"Um...what about you? I heard you were seeing a guy from Jack Pond. How's that going?" I asked thinking that maybe getting her talking about something would take the focus away from me.

"It's not," she said, shaking her head. "The asshole forgot to tell me he had a wife."

"Oh," I scrunched my nose at her in distaste.

"I am sort of seeing someone new though," she confessed quietly, tipping her head down and avoiding my curious look.

"Anyone I might know," I asked, thinking the prospect was doubtful since the only people I really knew were either classmates from Forks High, or Wolves, and I seriously couldn't see Leah seeing any of them.

She caught me completely off guard when she simply said, "Yeah, you might know him. We aren't really going public with it yet though. We want to see how things go first." She looked almost bashful as she sat with her head down, running her thumbnail along a split in the wooden arm rest of the chair.

"Okay." I knew all too well, the discomfort of being forced to talk about something you'd really rather not, so I didn't press her even though I was suddenly dying to know who her mystery guy was.

We sat and chatted a few minutes more, when Leah sat up straight in her seat.

"Time for me to take off, Swan," she said standing suddenly. "Sam's truck just pulled around the bend, and I'm not interested in seeing him unless I have to." Leah rolled her eyes and turned to walk off the porch. "Think about giving Jake a break. See you around, Swan," she said with a wave. She disappeared around the side of the house, heading for the trees, just as Sam's pick-up rounded the corner of the block.

I stood up and walked to lean against the railing of the porch, waiting to greet them ask the truck pulled up and stopped in front of the house. Paul gave me a smile as he got out of the passenger side, turning back to say something to Sam who didn't get out of the truck. He closed the door, grabbed his tool belt out of the bed of the truck and headed toward me as Sam waved to me and turned the truck around and headed home.

"Hey," he said, pulling me into a hug when he stepped up on to the porch. "I didn't expect to see you until later," he grinned and bent to plant a much-missed kiss on my lips.

When he pulled back from the kiss he looked at me with a curious look on his face. "Leah was here?" he asked.

I nodded. "She just left." I didn't think I would ever get used to the way the wolves picked up on things like that.

"Who else?" he asked, his nostrils flaring slightly as he took in a deep breath.

"Nobody, just Leah."

"Hmm. Smells like someone else, too," he shrugged, bending to kiss me again. "And it smells like there's something cooking in my kitchen?" he asked, raising his eyebrows at me.

"Yes, but it won't be ready for a little while yet," I told him as we headed into the house.

He chuckled softly. "Well, in that case, I can think of a few ways to kill some time," he said, pushing me against the front door as he closed it, and bending his lips to my neck.


	31. Learning Curves

** Paul’s POV **

Bella was standing on the porch when Sam pulled up in front of my house. I had hoped that I would see her, but having her waiting for me was a nice surprise; it was actually oddly comforting.

When I climbed the steps to where she was standing I was hit with Leah’s scent. It was strong, she must have just left. I could smell someone else too, faintly. It wasn’t strong enough for me to identify other than it being someone that I knew. Maybe Seth had been with Leah? No, that wasn’t quite right. I asked Bella about who had been there, and she said Leah just left and that she had been alone; I could have sworn that I picked up another familiar scent. It didn’t really matter though; Bella was here, and there was what smelled to be chicken cooking in the oven. My girl was out to spoil me, and I was more than happy to let her. Maybe I could spoil her a little bit too, if you know what I mean.

I felt like such a sap just staring down at her, and couldn’t help my mouth from running to try and fill the silence.

"And it smells like there's something cooking in my kitchen?" I asked. I’m sure she probably wanted dinner to be a surprise; I could have played along but the words just fell out of my stupid mouth before I could stop them.

"Yes, but it won't be ready for a little while yet," she replied as I headed into the house, pulling her behind me by the hand.

I was sort of banking on that. "Well, in that case, I can think of a few ways to kill some time." I backed her up to the door and leaned down to kiss her neck. She didn’t need much convincing. She tipped her head back and wrapped her hand around my neck, pulling me closer. “I’ve got to take a shower. Want to join me?” I whispered against her soft throat. She sighed and murmured in agreement.

I bent lower and scooped her up behind her thighs and wrapped her legs around me. She squeaked and giggled, which made my dick throb. Fuck! This girl did shit to me that no one else ever had and we were still fully clothed. But, we wouldn’t be for long if I had anything to say about that.

I let her slip down to the floor once we were in the bathroom, sliding slowly along my body, and ran my hands up her sides, snagging her top and pulling it easily over her head.

** Bella’s POV **

Paul pulled his shirt over his head and tossed it aside after mine. He pulled his jeans open and let them fall to the floor stepping out of them. He stood in front of me in nothing but his boxers; I still couldn’t believe that this gorgeous man was spending his time with me, willingly. How did I get so lucky?

The butterflies in my stomach threatened to take over, but I swallowed hard to push them aside. I had been giving myself the same pep talk all day. I wanted to learn how to touch him. I could do this. All I had to do was just step forward and touch him; ask him what he likes.

“What are you thinking so hard about?” he asked, gripping my chin lightly between his thumb and finger, and lifting my head up. His eyebrows were wrinkled curiously and his head tilted to the side.

I swallowed thickly, trying to gulp down my nervousness. “I, uh...” my voice squeaked and I took a deep breath before trying again. “I don’t know what you like,” I muttered almost silently. Oh course he heard me though, he could likely hear my heart pounding in my chest and my stomach churning with anxiety, too. I lifted my eyes to meet his again, not realizing I had let them fall. A wide, lop-sided grin swept across his lips and he snorted a small soft laugh before placing a light kiss on the corner of my mouth.

“You’ll figure it out, Baby,” he whispered against my cheek. His warm hands smoothed over my waist to the button of my jeans, pulling them open and sliding them down. I was glad I’d thought to put on the new matching underwear—it gave me a little boost of confidence to see that he seemed to appreciate them.

** Paul’s POV **

This girl—honestly, she was going to fucking kill me. She stood there, her cheeks blazing, and her heart racing, nervous about touching me when she’d practically torn my clothes from me the last time she was here. She was unbelievably cute and god-damn fucking sexy at the same time. How she had managed to get so far under my skin so fast was a mystery. What was worse was that it didn’t freak me out; I liked the way she made me feel.

_Where the fuck did your balls go, Lahote, you fucking sap!_

* * *

 

The water ran ice cold and I was still reluctant to suggest we move things to the bedroom. Bella had taken her time, touching and teasing me. I fought with myself to resist just pushing her against the wall and fucking her senseless. She'd slowly gotten over her nervousness, and was crouched down in front of me with one of her tiny hands wrapped around my aching cock when the last of the hot water ran out. She ran her tongue over my hip bone as I leaned back to turn the tap off.

I pulled the curtain back and stepped out, grabbing a towel. I draped it across her back and she tucked it around herself as I lifted her from the tub and sat her on the edge of the counter.

"Will dinner keep a little longer?" I asked, hopefully. I was starving, but other cravings were still begging for attention first.

She bit her lip, nodded and pulled me down for another kiss; her lips already red and flushed. I picked her up and wrapped her legs around my hips. Grabbing a condom from the top of the dresser as we entered the bedroom, I laid her on the bed. The towel quickly got tossed aside. The slow steady pace that had been set in the shower was abandoned for more fervent intensity. I rolled the condom on, and reminding myself to take it slow, slid inside her—right where I'd wanted to be since I saw her sitting on the porch. She hitched her knees over my hips, pulling me deeper. She's so fucking tiny, I couldn't really see her, and I wanted to—needed to. I wanted to watch her face when she came.

She arched her back and I splayed my hand across her spine. Holding her tightly, I turned us over so I was flat on my back across the bed. She stiffened in my arms, slightly, clearly not expecting that.

"Sit up, Baby," I curled up to whisper softly in her ear as I soothed my palm over her back. "I want to watch you."

She pulled her head back, her eyes flicking questioningly over my face, and slowly pushed herself up; adjusting her knees so she was perched atop me, my cock still buried inside her. Her shoulders were raised defensively and she looked nervous as hell but still fucking beautiful.

"Yeah, just like that," I soothed, running my fingers down her arms, and back up until she let her shoulders drop. I lifted my hips and pressed up into her as a reminder, and she shifted tentatively; my hands on her hips guiding her slow movements. It wasn't long before she'd relaxed into a rhythm of her own. Her cold fingers pressed into my chest as she pushed herself up and down, letting herself go. Her head fell forward, her damp hair spilling around her shoulders and she closed her eyes against her building orgasm.

"Fuck, you look amazing, Bella," I gritted out, as I pulled her hips down to meet my returning thrusts. She was obviously close and I was glad for it, feeling that familiar tingle in my spine and my balls tightening.

I wet my thumb in my mouth and touched it to her clit, needing her to come soon. She ground her hips down, putting pressure where she wanted it. It sent her flying in just a few moments as she arched her back and threw her head back.

"Oh fuck, yeah, come for me, Baby," I growled, wrapping my arms around her as she collapsed forward onto my chest. I turned us back over and groaned into her shoulder as I fucking exploded.

This girl was going to be my undoing...and soon.

We stayed like that, curled around each other, until our breathing returned to normal. I could have fallen asleep except my stomach growled loudly and she giggled, pulling me back from the edge.

"Come on, let's go get you some dinner," she said pushing her hand against my chest. I reluctantly let her free from the trap of my arms and watched as she scurried back to the bathroom to retrieve her clothes.

** Bella's POV **

Taking the chicken out of the oven, I became suddenly nervous. It hadn't occurred to me until that moment that he might not appreciate me stepping all over his happy childhood memories of chicken dinners at the Clearwater's. I hoped he wouldn't think that I was trying to replace them; I absolutely wasn't. I had just thought it was something I knew he liked and that it would be a good thing to make for dinner.

"Smells good," he said, slipping his hand around my waist from behind as I pulled the roasting dish from the oven and placed it on a pot holder on the counter.

I chanced a glance at him over my shoulder; he looked relaxed and happy. Maybe I was thinking too much about this.

"Okay, Buster, either help, or get out of the kitchen," I joked turning around in his arms and rising up on my toes to give him a kiss before ducking away to drain the veggies. I put him to work mashing the potatoes while I scooped the stuffing and made the gravy. We filled our plates at the counter rather than putting everything on the table, and sat to eat.

He shoveled a huge mouthful of chicken with gravy and stuffing into his mouth and gave me a happy appreciative look, putting my mind at ease.

** Paul's POV **

Oh course she remembered that chicken was my favourite, of course she did. I should have told her that she didn't need to make me dinner, but honestly, I loved the idea that she was comfortable enough in my house that she had. That she had made my favourite was just an added bonus. It was fucking delicious too, I'd never tell Sue, but my girl was trying to give her a run for her money on the home cooking front.

She had to go back to Forks after dinner; said she didn't want to push her newly mended ties with Charlie. I wanted her to stay, which was messed up. I know that. This girl had gotten to me in a big way, and I wanted to spend all of my time with her.

I sat on the front porch for a while after she left, enjoying the last of the warm evening and thinking about what made her so different. Why was Bella affecting me like no one else ever had? Why did I want her around? Why was I instantly comfortable with her?

She wasn't like other girls I'd known. She wasn't just looking for sex, although I had thought that might be what she had been looking for in the beginning; I still wanted to get to know her even then. She treated me differently. She treated me like someone worth knowing and not just someone to have a good time with. She genuinely seemed to care too. She had shown that by staying to take care of me after the newborn battle despite the fact that I had only ever been a total dick to her.

She challenged me. She made me want to be better—try harder—because I wanted to live up to some bar I'd set for her in my mind. It wasn't that she demanded it of me; she didn't really ask anything of me at all. She gave more than she took, not that I had a lot to offer her really. All I had ever had to offer was a no-strings attached fuck—she didn't want that; she wanted the strings and I wanted to tie them to her, too.

She respected me. It was a weird fucking feeling—having someone show me genuine respect. I hadn't known what to do with it at first and I had almost fucked this thing up before it was even a thing. But she'd given me another chance.

She gave and gave, and I wanted to soak it all up. I'd never had anyone really take care of me.

I'm sure a shrink would have a fucking field day analysing my past relationships—if you could even call the fucking around I did a relationship at all—compared to the one that was forming between Bella and I. A shrink would probably try and equate both of them to my mother. Something like my sleeping with all those women being my way of filling the void that the bitch had left behind—really all any of them had in common with my mother was that they were drunk and easy. And I'm sure Bella's nurturing would be equated to the lack of a mother figure in my life. Truth was, I didn't fucking care why I wanted Bella in my life; it just felt good to have her there and I was going to try and keep her there as long as I could.


	32. Not Nearly Enough

** Paul's POV **

That night acted as sort of a template and we fell into a comfortable pattern. Sometimes she'd make me dinner, sometimes we'd make something together—she never let me cook for her though, I don't know if she was afraid of my cooking or what. We'd stay in and watch movies, or go for walks on the beach. We talked constantly. I had never talked to anyone as much as I talked to her in the first few weeks we were together. And we fooled around—a lot. Once she got over her little nervous attack about not knowing what to do, she was unstoppable. It was fun. She wanted to try everything, and I was game for that of course. She spent more time at my place than she did her own.

* * *

 

I came to realize that if I wanted to keep Bella, I was going to have to be completely honest with her. She needed to know what she was getting into; she needed to know all the details, it was only fair. That meant I was going to have to find a way to tell her about the things I had spent the last year trying to forget. I just hoped that she wouldn't walk away after I did.

** Bella's POV **

I pulled into the driveway in front of his house and put the truck into park. "I have some things I need to talk to you about," he said as he pulled the driver's side door of my truck open for me. That wasn't the greeting I had expected. He wrapped his arms around me in a tender hug and lifted me from the seat. After he set me on my feet he took my hand and led me into the house.

He was visibly irritated and on edge. His jaw was clenched tight, his shoulders rigid, and his eyebrows were drawn down tight over his deep-set eyes. He looked determined, not angry though, so the tension I felt wasn't nearly as bad as it could have been. He stopped in the living room and faced me briefly, his eyes darting over my face looking for an answer to an unasked question.

"I need to tell you something...well, show you something, I guess, and then tell you," he said with a sigh. He ran the hand not holding mine roughly through his hair and leaned back to look at the ceiling. Bringing his gaze back to my face, he pursed his lips and nodded.

"Paul, you're freaking me out," I admitted, barely above a whisper.

He raised both of his hands to cup my face and trailed the pads of his thumbs over my cheeks, still looking intently into my eyes; searching.

"I'm sorry. I just need to do this. Okay," he said with another sigh and took my hand again. He lead me down the hall and stopped in front of the  door at the end beside the bathroom; the door that had been closed tight every time I had been in his house; the door that had piqued my curiosity the first day I had seen it. I knew it held part of the secret of Paul's past, but had never asked him about it. It seemed like one of those things that he would talk to me about when he was ready; it appeared he was ready to talk now.

He positioned me in front of him, both of us facing the door, and reached his right hand out to the door knob. I hadn't noticed before now that the knob on the door was different than the others in the house. It was a brushed silver colour and looked relatively new, where the others were older and polished brass. It also had a lock in the handle which had a key sticking out of it.

I expected his hand to be shaking the way he was acting—mine would be—but it wasn't. He placed his steady hand on the knob and paused a moment, he took a deep breath before turning the knob and swinging the door into the room. He leaned forward slightly, a steadying hand on my hip as he pressed his chest against my shoulder, to reach inside the doorway to click the light switch on.

I heard and felt him take another deep breath as he let his hands fall back to his sides. He stood right behind me without touching me anywhere. I could feel the heat of his body, but also his tension which made me anxious.

It was a bedroom—or it had been at one point—a small bedroom; a child's bedroom. It had been utterly destroyed.

The furniture—a twin size captain's bed, and a bedside table—were all upturned and broken. The mattress was against the wall blocking most of the small window, and had a huge tear down the center of it; the stuffing and springs spilling out onto the floor. The legs of the night-stand pierced through the drywall, and stood off at odd angles to the rest of the table. The drawer hung open with the contents spilling out; a couple of comic books and magazines, and a few small toys—remnants of a child's life. The bed frame was upturned and twisted, the drawers ripped from their openings, the clothing inside shredded and scattered about the room. There were shards of mirrored glass covering everything in the room, and I could see as I took a tentative step forward that it had come from the sliding closet doors that hung, warped and broken, from the tracks. I guess that the doors had once matched those in the other bedroom, and had been solid smoked mirror. The walls had been dented and broken open in several places, and many of the openings into the walls had dark smears around the edges—likely dried blood. There were matching dark stains on the carpet, the mattress and the shredded clothes.

After taking a thorough look around the small room, I took a deep breath letting it out slowly as I turned to face Paul, who hadn't moved from the hallway. He stood as still as a statue, not a muscle moving, hardly even breathing, his eyes fixed on my face and utterly blank of any recognizable expression.

"Paul?" I whispered, taking a step forward and reaching my hand out to his arm. He flinched at my touch and I could see his jaw muscles bunch tight as he clenched his teeth. His recoiling from my touch stung, but he didn't pull any further away, so I took another step forward. He remained still, tilting his head to hold eye contact with me. He seemed to be searching my face for a reaction.

"Who did this?" I asked after a long moment of silence.

"I did," his voice was constricted and thick, and the pain evident in it made my heart ache.

I reached my hand up to his face and brushed my thumb over his cheek. "Tell me?" I entreated.

"He wanted me to quit school—or not go back in September. I'd gotten into a fight and he said that I was just like her. Said school was a waste of time since I'd never get out of here anyway." He closed his eyes and leaned into my hand slightly; I wasn't sure he realized he was doing it.

"Your dad?" I asked. He nodded and opened his eyes again.

"I lost it. I've never been that angry," he said with a huffed laugh; Paul had the honour of being the pack hot-head, so his admission of anger was something of note. "I wanted to fucking kill him for saying I was like her. I saw red. I tossed the fucking room and when he grabbed me I threw him into the closet." He drew a deep shuddering breath in before continuing. "Sam and Jared hauled me out of here and into the woods out back before I phased. They told me later that they'd been watching me for weeks and that anger sets off the shift. Only I was always fucking angry," he said rolling his eyes. "Sam told my old man, and he split before I could even phase back." He sighed heavily, studying my face for my reaction to his confession. After a long pregnant silence, he slumped against the hallway wall behind him, pulling himself away from my touch. He looked up to the ceiling and rubbed his hand through his hair and down over his face, and then slid down the wall until he was sitting on the floor, resting his elbows on his knees and head in his hands.

"Say something?" he asked finally looking back up at me.

"Why..." I started and paused to take a breath before starting again, "why did you lock the door?"

"I couldn't face it—it just proves him right," he said gesturing with an open hand toward the room.

"How do you mean?"

"I'm a fuck-up with rage issues—just like her; just like he said." He shook his head and bit his lip, drawing his eyes away from me.

I knelt down on the floor and placed my hands on his arms still resting on his raised knees.

"I don't believe that," I said.

"Yeah, well, you know what they say about the apple not falling far from the tree."

"I didn't know her, Paul, but I know that you aren't like her." I raised my hand to lift his face back up to mine. "You aren't. Sure, you get angry, but you control it, it doesn't control you."

"Bella, I almost tore you in half the day you found out about the pack," he scoffed disbelievingly, raising his eyebrows and pursing his lips. "Remember?"

"I started that..." He started to interrupt me, but I held up my hand to indicate I wasn't finished. "Besides then, when was the last time you lost control?"

He paused a moment and thought before answering, "I haven't; I don't let myself," he said shaking his head.

"Exactly! You don't let the anger get the better of you.  _You_  do that. You control the anger, the anger doesn't control you." He looked at me like I was speaking a language he didn't understand. I smoothed my thumb over his deeply furrowed eyebrows until he relaxed them. "I get why you're afraid of being like your mother, but you aren't, Paul." I waited for what I had said to sink on, but the recognition never came. "You need the anger to be your wolf, to protect your people, but it doesn't define you. Both of your parents shaped who you are, but you aren't them. I've seen the real you," I placed my hand over his heart for emphasis before continuing.

** Paul's POV **

"In here," she said after she placed her hand on my chest and I could feel how cool it was even through my shirt.

_I love how her fingers are always cold_.

"For someone who walks around like he could take on the world, you sure don't have a lot of faith in yourself," she mused as the corner of her mouth hitched up in a playful little smirk. She slipped her other hand down my arm to rest on my side as she rose to her knees and shuffled forward.

I felt a weight lift just from telling her, but I had expected her to bolt out of there and not look back, or at least to cower from me. Not only could I not believe she was still there, but that she wanted to be closer to me. Fuck, I didn't even want to be near me most of the time, and here was this tiny girl, comforting me and telling me off for being down on myself.

She looked up at me with those deep brown eyes and a little half-smile still playing across her lips and I was lost. I leaned forward off the wall and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her to my chest. I didn't ever want to let her go.

I didn't know how, but Bella kept peeling back the layers that I had worked so hard to build up. I just kept spilling my fucking guts to her, and she kept coming back for more.

She smoothed her hand across my chest and around my back, and replaced it with her mouth, landing a lingering kiss over my heart. The moist air of her breath seeped into the cotton of my shirt and warmed me.

I pulled back to look at her and she searched my face for something before rising herself up and pressing another kiss to my mouth. She ran her hand from my side up around my neck and tangled her hand in my hair, pulling me to her and resting her forehead on mine.

"I'm not the only one that's too hard on herself," she whispered.

I closed my eyes, revelling in her touch and her scent. I felt her lips, feather-light, first on one eyelid and then the other, and then on my mouth again, more insistent this time.

I kissed her back, a sudden urgency filling me. I needed to touch her, feel her, taste her; my ardour was matched by hers, and she kissed me hungrily. It was like a lit match being thrown onto a gasoline trail; the fire blazed between us instantly.

I wanted to be inside her.

_Now._

She pushed up onto her knees as I lowered my legs and pulled her to straddle my lap, her mouth never leaving mine. Her soft sweet lips fought to possess mine, but I could feel the animal inside me wanting to take over and prove to her exactly just how in control he was.

I grabbed her roughly and, wrapping her legs around my hips, I turned her to the wall behind me as I stood up. I pulled her hands from around my neck and pinned them to the wall above her head, holding them in one hand, and swallowed the gasp that fell from her mouth with my starved lips.

She broke away from me gasping for air and I sunk my mouth to her neck, filling my lungs with the heady scent of her arousal; I was right there with her. I shifted my stance and pressed one knee into the wall to brace her against it, freeing my hand from holding her up. I unbuttoned the tiny buttons at the front of her shirt, fighting the urge to just rip it open.

"Paul!" she rasped as I pulled the cup of her bra down and pulled her nipple into my mouth biting it lightly, repeating with the other once the first beaded and puckered hard.

I released the grip on her wrists, freeing her arms from the wall and held her up under her sweet ass, pulling away from the wall enough to push her shirt over her shoulders. She hooked her arms behind her back before her shirt hit the floor and undid the clasp of her bra. As soon as her arms were free of the straps she tugged up on the hem of my shirt, which I pulled over my head with my free arm before pressing her into the wall again; skin to skin.

_Not_   _nearly enough._

I attacked her mouth again and held her back as I turned and stalked toward my bedroom.

I needed her naked.

I needed to be inside her.

I needed to feel her surround me.

I needed to lose myself in her.


	33. Falling's Not the Problem

** Paul's POV **

I was running patrol with Leah the next day. We'd done our first lap of the perimeter and I had managed to keep my mind focused on the task at hand and not let my thoughts drift to the night before. Last night I had shown Bella a whole different side of myself, a side I had been terrified that she wouldn't be able to accept; the real me. I had put it all out there for her and when I thought for sure she'd be running for the door, I found her wanting to stay instead. Wanting to stay in my arms, in my bed—wanting me to fuck her.

I couldn't believe how fucking lucky I was. This girl—this perfect amazing girl had accepted me, warts and all. She deserved so much fucking better than me, but I wasn't going to be the one to tell her that. I'd happily take what she would give me as long as she was willing to give it to me.

My wolf had never been so content either. I felt at peace with the whole fucking Quileute curse for the first time since phasing. It had been a long ten months, that's for sure. I felt lighter since Bella had come into my life.

We had gotten through about half of our second pass around the perimeter when my mind started to drift. I had learned to keep thoughts of Bella mostly to myself. Sam had thankfully taken Black and I off patrolling together since our last altercation; Jacob still didn't need to catch a glimpse of what Bella and I got up to from someone else's mind, so I worked to not let anything slip. But sometimes it was hard.

I thought of last night. She had fallen asleep in my arms after I fucked her senseless. I knew I should try and get some shut eye myself because of the early patrol schedule, but I couldn't take my eyes off her. Her cheeks and chest were still flushed. The pink glow in contrast to her naturally porcelain skin was so beautiful. Everything about her was fucking beautiful. The fan of her eyelashes over her cheeks, her swollen lips parted as she drew shallow breaths in her sleep, how her long thin fingers curled as her hand rested on my chest, the little freckles that peppered her shoulders. My girl was so fucking gorgeous laying there that it actually knocked the breath out of me thinking about it.

_'Are you fucking serious?'_  Leah's voice carried through my mind as she ran clear across the other side of the Reservation. She was pissed off at me.  _'Did you hit your head when you fell?'_  she scoffed.

_'Shit! Come on Clearwater, it was a slip, ok? Give me a fucking break.'_  It's not like I had flashed her a shot of fucking Bella against the shower wall this morning. It was really a pretty tame memory that she'd caught me with, but it still served as a reminder to get my mind back on task. And what the fuck did she mean by when I fell?

_'Jesus Christ, Lahote._ _'_  I could see that she had stopped and was heading to the clearing.

_'What? You going to run off at tell Black that I'm fucking Bella? Newsflash for you, he already knows. Why do you think he broke my fucking nose?'_  I spat at her, heading to the clearing myself.

_'You're pathetic, you know that right? You don't have a fucking clue.'_  I could hear the admonishing tone in her thoughts as well as if she were standing in front of me scoffing and shaking her head.

I fucking hated sharing my thoughts with the pack sometimes, most of the time really. The only time it was good is when we were hunting down a fucking leech, but there hadn't even been a trace of any new activity since we took out the redhead and her coven. Sharing your every thought with whoever was phased was a pain in the ass.

_'Just what is it that you think I don't have a clue about, Clearwater? What the fuck are you talking about?'_

_'Bella,'_  she stated simply.

_'What about her?'_  I could see that Leah had reached the clearing and was waiting for me.

_'You're in love with her, you fucking idiot!'_

Her words made me stop dead in my tracks. I wasn't in love with Bella!

Was I?

_'Good one.'_  I started toward the clearing again.

_'I'm not joking, Lahote. Are you so detached from your own mind that you can't even see what's happening between the two of you?'_

_'I'm pretty clear on what's happening between Bella and I, thanks.'_  I intentionally shot her a second or two of the shower, just to mess with her.

_'Paul, seriously, I just watched you think about Swan's fucking freckles. You honestly expect me to believe that you're not in love with her?'_

I didn't know what to say in response. Honestly, the idea of being in love with Bella scared the shit out of me. I couldn't love her. I didn't know how. I knew it was going to fucking kill me when she finally realized I was a no good piece of shit and left my sorry ass, but I didn't love her. I liked her...a lot; a whole fucking lot.

_'Does she love you?'_  Leah asked, interrupting my less than private panic attack.

_'What? No of course she doesn't fucking love me.'_

_'Are you sure?'_

She fired back memories of my girl to me. Memories I didn't even realize I'd let slip; the look on Bella's face when she curled into my chest, just before she went to sleep, her eyes shining—I felt like she could see right into me when she looked at me that way; how she touched me and sat close whenever we were together, trying to get as close to me as she could and still be two people; how she listened and genuinely cared when she asked how my day had been.

I had made it into the clearing myself at that point and I looked at Leah sitting there. I'm sure I must have looked like a panicked, fucking idiot.

_'What are you going to do, Lahote? What happens when you fucking imprint on someone, huh? You going to rip Bella's fucking heart out?'_  she spat at me.

Memories of how Leah had felt when Sam imprinted on her own cousin flooded Leah's mind, and thanks to the mind-fuck mind link flooded into mine as well. Leah had finally come to terms with the whole Sam/Emily imprint thing, and had actually seen a couple of different guys casually; but, that didn't mean we all had to re-live the pain fest she went through every time anything to do with the fucking mystical mate-finding powers came up. Did it?

_'There's nothing to do anything about. Drop it ok, Leah?'_

_'You need to talk to her.'_  It wasn't a nag; it was just a simple statement of what she thought to be a clear fact.

_'No, I don't. Just mind your own business, Clearwater, and let me mind mine, alright?'_

I phased back before anger got the better of me and I tore a chunk out of her. She trotted off into the trees and came back a moment later on two legs and dressed just as I was buttoning my cut-offs. She was still self-conscious about being naked around the rest of us, and I honestly didn't blame her after what I'd seen going through some of the younger guys' minds. Being the only she-wolf had more than its fair share of down sides.

"Seriously, you need to talk to her, Paul" she said. "It isn't fair to make a choice like that without her input. She needs to know there are risks involved."

"Drop it, Leah!" The rage I felt in wolf form was still there. I wanted to be away from her.

"You tell her, or I will, Lahote. It's your choice." And with that she stormed off toward the path leading to her house from the clearing. She turned around once she was a few dozen yards away. "Don't worry, I'll keep a lid on this until you sort your shit out, just don't take too long," she said walking backwards. Then she turned and was swallowed by the trees leaving me standing alone with my panicked thoughts.

** Bella's POV **   
Charlie was on the late shift at the station and I had asked Paul if he wanted to come over for dinner. I knew he had run patrol that afternoon and would be famished.

He stood in the kitchen leaning against the counter watching me and sipping a soda as I finished up the stir fry. He was quiet, even by his standards, which on its own wouldn't have worried me—I would have just put it off as him being tired from his four-legged run in the woods—but, he also hadn't touched me apart from a quick peck on the cheek and a barely-there hug when he had first arrived. I was worried.

I knew there was something bugging him. I hated seeing him pensive and moody like this; it had been a while. I just hoped he'd share what was on his mind with me so it wouldn't ruin our night.

As if he had read my mind, he walked up behind me and placed his hand on the small of my back and kissed the tender spot behind my ear as I plated up our dinner.

"So, Leah and I had an interesting conversation today while on patrol," he started picking up both plates and walking over to the table with them.

"Yeah, what about?" I asked, thankful that he was opening up.

"You and I." He chanced a glance up at me through his thick lashes as I sat down next to him at the table. Something about this conversation was making him nervous. I didn't need to have super-wolf senses to see that. It was clearly written in his mannerisms.

"What about us?" I asked, eyeing him curiously. Paul held his fork in his hand, but had yet to take a single bite. Realizing this conversation was going to be enough to put a wolf off his dinner made my stomach twist with my own nervousness.

"She's got a ... theory," he said with a nod after settling on his word choice, "and she was pretty clear about wanting me to talk to you about it."

"A theory?" my voice came out watery and thin. I had completely lost my appetite. I put my unused fork back on the table.

Paul mirrored my action and pushed his plate to the side. He slid his hand across the table and wound his fingers through mine before continuing. "Yeah," he said with a shuddering sigh.

There was a long, agonising pause before he continued.

"She, uh...she thinks I'm falling in love with you," he whispered, finally raising his eyes to mine as he finished his confession.

My breath caught in my throat. I didn't know what I thought Leah's theory about us was going to be, but that hadn't even crossed my mind.

Paul looked at me with his dark pleading eyes expectantly. It was several minutes before I was able to breathe, let alone speak a word.

"And what do you think?" I breathed out almost silently, my voice wavering.

His fingers tightened around mine before he replied. "I think she might be right, maybe."

He had essentially just told me that he was, maybe, falling in love with me. The room suddenly felt like the air had been vacuumed out of it; I couldn't breathe. I had only just realized for myself that I  _might_  be falling in love with him, but I hadn't dared to dream that he felt the same way, but, here he was confessing just that over uneaten chicken stir fry.

He continued when it became clear that I wasn't going to respond; wasn't able to really.

"I don't think she's right though," he said.

"No?" My heart sank what felt like ten storeys. I had to look away from him as I felt the familiar sting of tears beginning to well up in my eyes.

"No, I'm not falling in love with you, Bella," he said hooking his finger under my chin and lifting my head up to his. "I've already fallen." His eyes flicked back and forth between mine; waiting for the words he had just said to sink in.

His words played over in my mind, slowly. He'd already fallen... in love... with me?

_With me?_

_Oh!_

"Oh!" the gasp fell from my mouth echoing my thoughts as the true meaning of his confession hit me. Paul Lahote was in love with me. I couldn't say anything in response. My heart pounded so loud in my chest I thought it was trying to break free.

"She had another theory, too. Want to hear it?" he questioned. His nervousness hadn't subsided yet; I couldn't say for sure if I wanted to hear Leah's other theory, or if I wanted to run out of the kitchen and hide.

I sucked in a huge steadying breath and nodded a tiny head bob at him.

"She thinks that you're falling in love with me, too." His fingers grasped at mine like he might float away and he was trying to anchor himself down.

I had already had this argument with myself. I  _was_  falling love with him, but how did Leah know. And more importantly, was I prepared to tell Paul that I was. He'd already laid his heart on the line, so I didn't have to worry about him not saying it back if I told him I was.

I swallowed thickly once, and again a second time before I could open my mouth to speak. "She's right," I gasped.

A dazzling smile ripped his lips apart as he gasped for air; he must have been holding his breath waiting for my answer. Then we were standing and his arms were wrapped tight around me, and that dazzling smile had turned into hungry lips pressed against my own.

"I'm in love with you, Bella," he breathed pulling just far enough away from me that he could look deep into my eyes. "I fucking love you."

That's when it hit me, I wasn't falling. I'd already hit the ground; I was in love with him too. In love with a giant, shape-shifting wolf who chased after vampires. As crazy as it sounded just to think it, I couldn't deny the truth of it.

"I love you too," I sobbed with joy as the confession fell from my mouth.

He kissed me again. It was less frantic this time; softer and achingly sweet. After a moment he pulled away and looked down at me with a smirk. He wiped my tear-stained cheeks with his big thumbs.

"Now that we've got that settled, can we eat? I'm fucking starving," he said with a big goofy grin and a laugh to match.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter was influenced (and titled for) 'Falling' by Florence + the Machine. If you don't know it, go find it and listen.


	34. Chapter 34

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm not an active member of the Twilight fandom anymore and when I do venture back there my interests have seriously strayed from this pairing which makes it very difficult for me to find the motivation to even work on this one. That combined with my spare time being devoted to other avenues of creativity means that this story just won't get done. For that, I am very sorry.

Please see [Knight in Silver Armor - completion notes](http://archiveofourown.org/works/7526098) for story notes and the bits and pieces that I have written for this story.

**Author's Note:**

>  **This story is UNFINISHED and is likely to remain that way.** I have added another part to the series outlining the completion of the story.
> 
>  
> 
> I'm on [tumblr](http://wordsnwolves.tumblr.com/)


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